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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I mean to “gloat” at someone’s failure?

80 replies

strawberrysorbets · 03/06/2018 12:19

I’m feeling guilty. I’d had a glass or two of wine to be fair.

Back story:

Met a woman during an interview process a few years back. She was quite dismissive of me due to my working class back ground and due to the area I came from. She was super confident and thought she was a dead set for the job. Anyways, we saw each other a few times in the application process and always sensed a snooty attitude. After I got knocked out of the process (aka rejected) she sent me a snobby message and then proceeded to block me on facebook. (Silly I know, but at the time it was nice to be able to discuss the application process with). I’d later heard she’d said things such as me never having a chance.

Well turns out she was rejected from the next stage too and then failed her academic requirement so settled for a much lower job elsewhere.

As it happens, a friend works for that company and said how much of a horrible woman she was to her. The woman even wrote an entire blog about how it’s not her fault she failed ! Plus how she hated everyone she met.

OK I thought, leave her behind in the past.

Then I was travelling through central London and who appears in my carriage. Said woman.

I couldn’t resist going to chat to her. I asked her how she was doing; knowing she didn’t get in and then told her that her current job was “decent.” Then proceeded to tell her that I’d re-applied and got in; one of the strongest applicant from hundreds.

I feel like such a bitch for gloating in her misery.

OP posts:

Wearelocal · 03/06/2018 13:22

Yes you were. You both sound lovely.

redcarbluecar · 03/06/2018 13:22

I can see the temptation with this, but think that just to ignore her would have been the more dignified approach. As pp said, she probably doesn’t care about how things have turned out for you or how you feel.

differentnameforthis · 03/06/2018 13:22

Doesn't make you sound very nice, especially since you said she wasn't pleasant to you or about you once your part of the process was up.

freelancedolly · 03/06/2018 13:23

You sound very bitter and chippy. You're assuming all sorts of intentions from her actions, and then using those to justify YOUR bad behaviour.

I agree that your terminology also sounds off, and there are about 3 coincidences too many in your post for it to sound believable.

There are so many presumptions and justifications in your post it's laughable.

pasturesgreen · 03/06/2018 13:27

Sorry OP, but you both sound about 5.

And you didn't actually gain anything from your exchange apart from making yourself feel guilty. Nice.

TerfsUp · 03/06/2018 13:29

Yes, it was mean. And petty.

AllMYSmellySocks · 03/06/2018 13:30

It was a bit mean and petty but totally understandable!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/06/2018 13:31

Agree freelancedolly. I also don't think that OP has posted for conscience either, merely that she thinks it's a story that sounds good and portrays her as some sort of 'karmic heroine'. It doesn't.

The human thing to do, I think, would be to congratulate yourself on a job well captured (if you actually got it) and be magnanimous in defeat (if you were). It wouldn't be to post a thread about it, looking for kudos and/or validation of something that might have happened - and years ago at that.

Member · 03/06/2018 13:32

I think it’s human nature to want those who have doubted you to know you’ve exceeded their low expectations. From what you’ve described of her, I think rather than interpret it as mean, she’ll rationalise it as the company going downhill/you know somebody in a position of influence etc. I doubt it’ll cause her much angst but gave you satisfaction so fair enough!

bridgetreilly · 03/06/2018 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

daisychain01 · 03/06/2018 13:44

I'm nodding violently in agreement with freelance and Lyingwitch

Gabilan · 03/06/2018 13:44

When you've been looked down on and patronised you do tend to harbour a grudge.

Not everyone does. I tend just to think "fuck 'em, it's their problem" and then move on.

daisychain01 · 03/06/2018 13:47

Interviewees sharing details texting and becoming "friends" on facebook.. really?

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2018 14:02

I wonder if rhe op will come back. As said, I don't think she did reapply and get the job. I think what's she's saying in her op is she was drunk and made it up to be mean to this woman.

Not sure she will admit it though. But her wording is totally wrong for someone who now works for the company.

SkinniesAreOver · 03/06/2018 14:02

I can see why you gloated but you also know that gloating made you feel uncomfortable.

I was at an interview many years ago in London 1993 ish (I'm quite old, times have changed I'm sure) and the interviewer gleaned (a right Colombo he was) that I was Irish. He asked if we'd had pigs in the kitchen. Did I like potatoes. Was my Dad a brickie. I just said smiled and gave charity laughs and said 'no' 'yes' 'no' but then he said ''why do people cuss on the Irish''. I remember feeling it was worthing 'throwing the job' to reply, well, only the lower middle classes cuss on the Irish so it's not something I experienced.... '' and I left the 'til now'' hanging in the air.
Totally worth throwing my chances as I couldn't have worked for him.

WhoIsShe18 · 03/06/2018 14:12

Did you actually get into the company though? Or did you make that bit up?

Either way, to tell someone that you were "one the strongest applicants out of hundreds" makes you sound like a bragging child and a bit of a dick to be honest.

divadee · 03/06/2018 14:22

Everyone always says be the bigger person but I'm the same as you. I would of done exactly the same.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 03/06/2018 14:35

Yes, that was very unkind. Regardless of whether or not she was rude to you in the past you always have the opportunity to choose to be kind and behave well, and you didn't.

flippyfloppyflower · 03/06/2018 14:40

It was mean and unnecessary. And trying to justify it just makes it worse somehow. We cannot change how people treat us but we can change how to react to people. You chose to be mean and childish and since there is nothing to be done about that you must live with your own conscience.

Fatted · 03/06/2018 14:41

You should have just stayed well alone. What did speaking to her actually achieve other than trying to make her feel worse and you feel better. You sound like you've lowered yourself to the same level you've just complained about her being on!

gamerwidow · 03/06/2018 14:46

Mean and unnecessary behaviour. Yes she behaved poorly but you've been just as bad. It would have been better to say nothing and just get on with your life. It makes you look insecure to have to get one over her and gives her far more importance in your life than is needed.

MrsCD67 · 03/06/2018 14:49

It was unkind but she's an adult and I'm sure she could handle herself. What goes around comes around and I'm sure she's now learned her lesson and maybe she'll be a bit nicer now too. However, I'd put it to rest now and if you ever see her again, be kind

mrsshelby44 · 03/06/2018 18:10

I'm proud of you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/06/2018 18:17

Well in her case you not being unreasonable. It seems she's spent her most of her life acting all hooty tooty, and now she has egg on her face. Tough. it's called getting a taste of her own medicine.
What's the old saying "Be nice to those on way up as there's a very good chance youll meet them on your way back down".

lhastingsmua · 03/06/2018 18:20

I couldn’t imagine giving someone I don’t care for so much headspace and energy. Surely you’d just find her irrelevant and move on?

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