About DFriend making small talk with someone who has hurt me **TRIGGER WARNING**

[catinboots9]

Dearest and oldest friend who I have known for 30 years called me tonight. We speak a few times a year and it is always lovely.

Tonight she casually mentioned she'd bumped into my Ex-P and apparently now he has a wife and a new baby. Lovely.

Except he violently raped and assaulted me after we split up when he came to my flat to collect his things and 6 yr old DS was asleep in his bedroom. Twelve years ago. She knows all of what happened. It was an awful time.

I'm so so upset and angry but not sure if AIBU? She made small talk with the shitbag that raped me????

Am I over reacting? My feelings are huge right now and I can't tell if they are disproportionate or not.

ItIsUnnervinglyQuietInHere ItIsRefreshinglyRationalinHereNow. What a thoughtful post; I hope OP takes it to heart.

Although not necessarily in this case I've wondered occasionally whether irreparable harm is sometimes the result of OP's being riled up by replies and behaving accordingly.

catinboots9 I'm with everyone here in hoping this will be resolved smoothly and that you'll regain some peace of mind. Good luck.

I've wondered occasionally whether irreparable harm is sometimes the result of OP's being riled up by replies and behaving accordingly.

Same here. It's really bothers me at times when it looks like people are responding to an online chat forum about Hollyoaks when, actually, it's someone's real life with all the nuances of humanity.

Is your old friend a good person generally? Is she big on forgiveness, redemption and seeing the best in people? There are some people who are like this (sometimes because of their religious faiths) - though usually these are people who have not experienced any severely abusive behaviour themselves.
It occurred to me that, as this man's assault on you was 12 years ago, your friend may have thought 'Oh, he's reformed now, and made a good life for himself'. This may be extra true (in her opinion) if his behaviour was escalated by drink/drugs and he has now stopped taking them.
That doesn't mean she's right, and it was insensitive of her to bang on at you about it, but well-meaning smugness isn't the same as a wish to control or hurt you.

There are some bloody idiots posting on here at times.

Yet here you are posting.

If she didn’t know, she deserved to.

You seem very determined to defend a woman who engaged in chit chat (then ran to tell OP about it) with her oldest friend’s violent rapist.

There’s no good reason for that.