To feel upset with DP's lie

[OverThinking11]

NC as could be outing from other threads under my usual name.

Yesterday, me and DP celebrated being together for 10 years. We are engaged but have not been able to afford the wedding we want yet.

So, we were out, both had been drinking. DP said to me 'I am so glad I choose you!?'

This was a little confusing to me as when I met him he told me that he was single and had been single for over 8 months.

I questioned him and he told me that when he met me he had been 'seeing' someone for 5 months but it wasn't serious and once me and him became exclusive and were officially a couple he 'fucked her off'

I am really upset by this, he lied to me at the time and I also feel for this woman who was 'fucked off' because he met me. Also, we didn't become 'exclusive' for 6 weeks after meeting... so I asked him if he was still seeing her and with her during this time. He told me I was being silly and wouldn't answer the question. He is shocked by my reaction from something that happened a decade ago.

AIBU?

@Clubcuts as I have said. Your replies have just become irrelevant to me after some comments you have made.

Have been happy to say that I agree with majority of posters whether they have agreed or disagreed with my original post but you seem to have made up your own little story which
1- isn't relevant
2- isn't true

So thanks, but no need to reply any further.

@Mrsmadevans I have spent 6 months so far trying to find the perfect one but so far haven't found 'the one' I am told though that when I try it on, I'll know

No exact date been set for the wedding but we plan on it being in July 2019

I agree with the two posters above in how exclusivity was not a thing as you only saw one person at a time. Two-timing otherwise and not looked on as being ok. Much simpler as you knew exactly where you stood 🙂

Oh that will be here before you know it OP ! You WILL know the right dress when you put it on. That is true. I wish you all the luck my dear , the day will go so quickly so make sure you remember it . Good Luck.

OverThinking11 - Why not just get married in a registry office? I did, even though I could have had the big fairy tale/white wedding.

“I am so glad I chose you” aka seeing 2 girls at once, and 10 years later you’re still not married? Blimey Op I’d be wondering if he was still looking for ‘the one’.

I speak as someone who came out of a 6 year relationship and met my husband within weeks and married within months. No worrying about type of wedding etc it was just - can we get family together, can we get a church and a barn or shed and music and food and music - and good to go! And this was a meeting of Anglican and catholic and satisfing all! Really, do it or don’t do it but why on earth wait so long? Don’t get it. And why did he even mention his ex at all? 🙁

I hope you have a lovely wedding OverThinking11 💒

At 5 months I wouldn’t have got further than casual fucking and lunch time dates

Really?

Hun honestly don't worry about this, I think it could be semantics, 'seeing someone', 'dating someone' its much of a muchness and at the time he probably didn't think a little fib would bite him on the bum, So I can totally see why he said what he said at the time.
For your position now, maybe you are overthinking it, but so what, it's what you want to do about it going forward. Bottom line question is 'has it changed how you feel about him NOW?' Not has it changed your memory of him 10 years ago (im sure you've both changed a hell of a lot since then!), but if you're still in love and planning to get married, sod it, just do some distraction techniques and forget about it, quite frankly, he did choose you and you got the man you wanted, bingo!!
Good luck with the wedding hun, it's the best day of your life! Xxxx

I think everybody has to make their own choices about how long they wait to get married, how that marry and what they decide as a couple is best for their perfect day.

No way in wrong.

Whatever suits the particular couple. Me and my DP are in agreement so that is all that matters

You’re right Op - whatever works for you both - apologies for trying to impose my version of what’s right. Hope you can find the perfect place and time and all good wishes for your future together.

It is always disappointing when a person who is your soulmate has lied to your face and you innocently believed him. It is because it makes you realise he is capable of hurting you and breaking your heart. It will probably make you more wary of trusting him in what he says in the future. That is a pity. I would tell him you are shocked and disappointed and he is less than you thought him to be. I would try to forgive him provided he was not sleeping with the other girlfriend at the same time as me.

I'd be gutted OP and feel like the foundations of our relationship had just crumbled.
Also quite shocked at his "fucked her off" comment. Very disrespectful.

He's lied. He's being a bit of a dick about the situation.

Where do you want to go from here?

I'm a dreadful grudge holder so doubt I could forgive and forget because I'd feel our relationship was not what I thought it was and that he wasn't who I thought he was. If your 10 years together have been great then you might be able to work through this. But if they have been rocky at times or there's other stuff that makes you wary then I'd seriously consider my future without him in it.

I think you've every right to be upset. I'd be incredibly angry if I thought DH was seeing someone else and keeping his options open, even if that included our first date.

I would be really upset by the lie and would wonder what other lies had been told.

I'd certainly be upset. Not so much because of the situation ten years ago, but at the obvious lack of honesty and intimacy between you both over the past decade. What on earth have you been talking about all this time?