I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago, it was a much wanted baby but a bit of a shock and panic too as I had a M/C 2.5 years ago and I was in the process of trying to lose some weight before actively trying to conceive again.
I’ve the past couple of years I will hold my hands up and admit that I have been fat and lazy. My daily routine always consists of some form of exercise as we are farmers so I’m usually dragging the kids up hills to check sheep/cows or catching sheep (although not so much of the latter now. It’s more the unhealthy eating. Waiting until the kids have gone to bed and ordering a take away, going to the shop on a night and buying loads of crisps, chocolate etc. It’s a vicious circle, I comfort eat because I feel bad about myself.
My family have always mentioned my weight for as long as I can remember, probably since I was 4/5 years old. I spent all of my childhood thinking that I was fat and different to my peers because there was always such emphasis on my weight. As a result, I grew up with huge issues with food and cripplingly low self confidence. Over the past 7-8 years, I’ve been a size 8 and a size 24 and everything in between. When I was a size 8 I was starving myself and walking miles everyday to keep the weight off. My periods stopped and I started losing my hair and fainting. I started eating more and I’ve ballooned. I just can’t get the balance right.
Anyway, I told my mum last week that I was expecting and she just grimaced. I had no congratulations, no ‘I’m so happy for you.’ She just grimaced and uttered the words ‘but you’re so big already.’ I’ve just told my gran and her reaction was similar and I’m so upset that they can’t just be happy for us.
My brother’s girlfriend announced she was pregnant 2 months ago, she’s a dinky size 8 and they were all so happy for them but I've had nothing but negativity.
I know I shouldn’t have fallen pregnant at this size and if anything goes wrong I’ll be beating myself up for the rest of my life. I just want someone to be happy about our news instead of having a lecture. A congratulations and then a bit of support and a nudge in the right direction would’ve been nice you know ‘you can do this’ instead of ‘you shouldn’t have done this.’ It probably comes from a place of good yet leaves me feeling like total shit and even worse than I did to begin with.