To ask why people can’t just be happy for us?

[Iswallowtoothpaste]

I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago, it was a much wanted baby but a bit of a shock and panic too as I had a M/C 2.5 years ago and I was in the process of trying to lose some weight before actively trying to conceive again.

I’ve the past couple of years I will hold my hands up and admit that I have been fat and lazy. My daily routine always consists of some form of exercise as we are farmers so I’m usually dragging the kids up hills to check sheep/cows or catching sheep (although not so much of the latter now. It’s more the unhealthy eating. Waiting until the kids have gone to bed and ordering a take away, going to the shop on a night and buying loads of crisps, chocolate etc. It’s a vicious circle, I comfort eat because I feel bad about myself.

My family have always mentioned my weight for as long as I can remember, probably since I was 4/5 years old. I spent all of my childhood thinking that I was fat and different to my peers because there was always such emphasis on my weight. As a result, I grew up with huge issues with food and cripplingly low self confidence. Over the past 7-8 years, I’ve been a size 8 and a size 24 and everything in between. When I was a size 8 I was starving myself and walking miles everyday to keep the weight off. My periods stopped and I started losing my hair and fainting. I started eating more and I’ve ballooned. I just can’t get the balance right.

Anyway, I told my mum last week that I was expecting and she just grimaced. I had no congratulations, no ‘I’m so happy for you.’ She just grimaced and uttered the words ‘but you’re so big already.’ I’ve just told my gran and her reaction was similar and I’m so upset that they can’t just be happy for us.

My brother’s girlfriend announced she was pregnant 2 months ago, she’s a dinky size 8 and they were all so happy for them but I've had nothing but negativity.

I know I shouldn’t have fallen pregnant at this size and if anything goes wrong I’ll be beating myself up for the rest of my life. I just want someone to be happy about our news instead of having a lecture. A congratulations and then a bit of support and a nudge in the right direction would’ve been nice you know ‘you can do this’ instead of ‘you shouldn’t have done this.’ It probably comes from a place of good yet leaves me feeling like total shit and even worse than I did to begin with.

You mum and Nan sound like right arseholes!!! No wonder you have issues with food if the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally treat you like that!!!

Love yourself, love your baby. Enjoy every minute and give them 2 fingers when they want to coo over your gorgeous baby. Don't let them inflict their toxic views on your child too.

Congratulations

Why do you think you can't maintain a stable healthy weight????? Probably because you spend a lot of time thinking about what you shouldn't eat - because your mother and grandmother seem to have taught you to.

I hope they said it because they care and are worried about you and then it all just came out wrong - however, I would just ignore them one way or another it isn't working for you, its not making you happy, its not making you maintain a healthy weight so I suspect your best bet is to just avoid the subject with them.

being pregnant and getting healthy is easy and then after the baby is born if you breast feed the weight will drop off very easily. But frankly I would try and not involve them in it, clearly they are a very bad vibe for you and somehow they are associated with weight, shame, misery and embarrassment for you, thats not going to help you stick to things.

anyway, congratulations and i hope the pregnancy is lovely and carefree.

I'm so happy for you op. No negativity from me. It's an exciting time, and nobody should take that away from you. Enjoy your pregnancy and leave the haters to it.
Congratulations!

Congratulations OP. If they wanted to say something about your weight maybe they could have said something a bit more constructive, congratulated you first and encouraged you to eat more healthily for the benefit of you and your baby x

Congratulations OP.

Congrats! I've been pregnant twice at 330 lbs, size 28 (well, 24 here in the US, but 28 there). Two healthy children to show for it. One nice effect...I never gained a pound in pregnancy, and each time was about 20 lbs lighter after leaving the hospital than when I'd conceived.

Right. First massive congratulations this is brilliant news!!!
Second. Ignore your family, you may be overweight but they are the ones with the problem not you.
Third. Do slimming world. I go and lost all my three stone of baby weight (still need to lose two more stones that have been there for years yet!). One girl in my class got pregnant (she was overweight) but through slimming world didn't put ANY extra weight on through her pregnancy....maybe at 40 weeks she had put on 7lbs that was it!!!
Fourth. If you mc, it is not your fault. Repeat it, not your fault. Loads of overweight women have easy pregnancies and loads of slim women have tough times. It's not all about being overweight.

Congratulations! I didn’t want to read and dash, I referred to myself as a body builder whilst pregnant x seems like a lot of good advice here don’t beat yourself up xxx enjoy yourself x

Being overweight and pregnant is not the end of the world, good grief!

Sounds like they have massive issues around food and body size which is everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. You sound lovely. They sound judgemental and mean. And I agree with PPs that you very likely struggle with weight and normal eating patterns because of their influence - defo something to look into, for now concentrate on growing this baby, fingers crossed for you, and congratulations!

I had a BMI of approx 40 for both my pregnancies. I didn't gain any weight either time, and didn't develop any complications either.

Congratulations to you, and omg your family are horrible people. It's not you, it's them.

YANBU. I was a healthy size 10 before DC1 but ballooned during the pregnancy. My own fault entirely, I got big and lazy and just wanted to lull around eating in the final trimester. I gained four stone and went up to a size 16. Then I had two more DC in quick succession so by the end I was a size 18/20. It is very easily done. I just want to say, nothing went wrong in any of those pregnancies at all. I also want to say that I lost the weight and have kept it off give or take a stone, I had two miscarriages last year despite being a healthy weight. Miscarriages just happen, bad things happen, it’s really not your weight.

Congratulations , I wish you all the best. Your family sound callous and mean spirited.

YANBU - your family sound toxic and seem to think that your waist measurement is more important than your happiness!

Big women have been having healthy, happy pregnancies for ever. They might keep a closer eye on some things than they would for a smaller woman but it's really just precautions - most overweight women have totally healthy pregnancies (and many thin women don't!)

Congratulations on your lovely news - enjoy your pregnancy and ignore your horrible relatives

You can't be particularly unfit if you're stomping up and down hills after animals. Congratulations and ignore your mum and nan, fitness is more important than size.