AIBU to think DC should get a say in choosing a school

[Superheroessidekick]

It's coming up to the time of year where secondary schools start their open days and a lot of school chat has been going on. I spoke to one mum recently who believe the parents should be in control of the choice. AIBU to think the child should get quite a big say in what school they are going to attend for the next 5-7 years of their life?

Yes, but as with a lot of things it should be a closed choice. Suitable school A or suitable school B. It's also a good opportunity to teach them about decision making, pros and cons etc.

I think it is 100% the parents' decision.

Depends. We're talking about 10 yo I presume? Who might care more about who else goes there or what the uniform is that how well the school performs or the range of subjects available at GCSE.

It depends how sensible the child is and how rational their reasons are.
I do think they should new involved in the discussion but they can't necessarily understand the complexities of travelling across a city by yourself, the cost of fares etc

Hmm to some extent but not if they want to go to the local failing comp that has a nursery for the babies of students (my local school at that age) just because their friends are going there. I wanted to go out of area I knew at ten it was a rubbish school, I did want to go to a local Catholic girls' school but DF put his foot down and said I could go anywhere else but he was terrorised by nuns at his Catholic school and we're not religious (after GP s died) , he never did anything but support my educational choices so I took him seriously and I'm glad. I went to another good school that was mixed and secular.

I think it's both. I went to open evenings with my dd and we discussed them. I probably steered her to the ones I thought were better but she had input. The problem is they can be influenced by the 'shiniest' even if it is not the best for for them. However she was happy with the order we completed the form in.

They should absolutely have a say after you present them with the options.

We visited the ones we as parents were happy with and let ds choose order of preference.

Parents get final say but the student should certainly have input into the decisions, as they're the ones who have to go there.

I told my DC that I would probably support their decision as long as it had a sensible reason (so not because you like the look of the vending machine DC1! ) In the end, after all the open evenings, they liked the school I too liked and are both now very happy there.

I gave my dc absolute free rein.

Ds1, at the age of nine, surprised us all by announcing “I want to go to Eton”. We weren’t considering fee paying schools but I said he could if he got a place and then got a scholarship or bursary that made it affordable. And he did, which again was a bit of a surprise.

Ds2 wanted an all-boys school, and didn’t want to board. And we looked round a few and he got a place at a grammar near us.

We didn’t think they’d choose anything daft: i don’t think there are wrong choices really, if a child is motivated. I’m proud that my dc will walk through the gates of their schools knowing that they’ve chosen this particular path, and it was up to them and not adults.

I definitely agree it should be a choice of ones that have been vetted by parents and we wouldn't view any that we knew were awful or failing so that narrows the choice. What I do not agree with is sending them to a school they adamantly do not want to go to just because it's the best one in the parents opinion which was what the other parent was suggesting.

I completely left the choice to both of mine - but the choice was between our local grammar and our local outstanding comp.
If there had been a school in the mix I didn't approve of I would have had more input.

@Pengggwn what are your reasons?

Definitely. They're the ones who have to go there for 5 years. Obviously there needs to be some boundaries - they can't pick a school that's impractical for transport, or you're not happy with its reputation. But if there's 2/3 similar schools in the area, then they should be able to pick which one they want to go to.

Hm good question. DD is just about to enter Y3 and already there is a choice between feeder secondary where her friends will go and the secondary I went to, which is better for more academic kids which DD is. It's so tough but I'm hoping she'll be a bit more objective by 11. The lucky thing is they're both good schools, just one is slightly better!

Superheroessidekick

I have better judgement than a ten year old. Obviously I will listen to my child's thoughts on where they want to go to school, but I will make the decision I think is best for them.

A bit of both. Ds1 wanted to go to the local high school as his friends were going. It had just been put in special measures so we took that decision out of his hands. However, when we looked at the other good options, his choice was certainly listened to.

I let my DS3 choose the order of the preferences for the 3 schools we put down as they were all good schools. He chose the comp his brothers were at over the comp most of his friends were going to, which surprised me somewhat. I had recently divorced and he wanted to be with his brothers more than with his friends. I genuinely didn't mind which of these 2 but was glad he put the banker all boys grammar last. Neither of us thought an all boys school was best for him, just better than the alternatives.

I don't think 10yos are mature enough to make the decision (mine definitely weren't.)
So I would take their views into account, but we as parents made the decision.

But then, some of DD's school friends parents made the decision based on where they went 30 years ago, which I don't think is a sound basis for choosing either.

Nope because there overriding impulse will to choose we’re their friends are going

They will not be able to take on Board things like wellbeing or even how far the school is let alone comprehend the quality of the staff of factlicites or subjects

and when parents allow their children to choose a school solely based on we’re most of their friends are attending they often get a shock because most high schools spilt children up and give the widest mix possible often putting say 1 child from said school on each form and especially with girls the first term can be a nightmare when new friendships form with new children but again children don’t think of things like this

What did your son make of Eton when he got there, The3? It´s always seemed to me to be the kind of place which can appear one way from the outside, but is quite different when you are on the inside?

I think the key here is the illusion of choice

You are happy with a or b as a parent then they choose one of those

Of course children should have a say ... only controlling parents believe they should have 100% control.

moodance

When it comes to my child's education, I have no problem acknowledging myself to be 'controlling'. Ten year olds should have choice in lots of things but not in where they go to school.

I chose the sixth form and regretted it, so I think it's too big a decision for a 10 year old.

Primary school - we chose
Secondary - we chose with some input from DC
GCSE choices - DC choose with guidance from us
Post 16 - DC chooses with hands off guidance from us