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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong to offer to pay for children’s ice creams?

100 replies

beaubeau11 · 01/06/2018 18:55

I was at the park with my 3 dc today, we where stood in a que in the little cafe buying ice cream etc. There was a woman behind me with 2 ds’s with ice creams in there hands waiting to pay! The woman said to her two little boys ah no Iv left my purse and went to leave the long que, I said excuse me would you like me to pay for those ice creams for the boys ? I really don’t mind.? She was sharp with me and replied no thankyou!!!! I found this odd didn’t she appreciate my kindness?

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 02/06/2018 00:14

I bought my. Kids choc bars today in the morning after swimming. In town later they were pestering for ice cream. I said no repeatedly because they'd already had a treat that day. I would also have been polite but brusque if some random person had offered to pay. That's totally different from giving someone 30p for parking or a dull item like tomatoes in a supermarket.

Ariela · 02/06/2018 01:28

Maybe she was sharp with you because she was worrying if she had left her purse - or lost it!

FreudianSlurp · 02/06/2018 01:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CantankerousCamel · 02/06/2018 02:00

I give away icecreams quite a lot, we buy a pack of 4 from the shop and only ever need 2 from them!

You would be very surprised how many people turn their nose up at a freebie

I do always ask parents not children however (not saying you didn’t too, OP)!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/06/2018 02:13

A lot depends on whether she knew they had the ice creams and was prepared to pay for them before realising she hadn't got her purse.
IF they'd picked them up themselves and come up brandishing them, expecting to get them then her brusque "no thank you" was quite understandable as she was probably trying to avoid a scene where she said "No" to her children and you were setting her up for a fail there.

If she's been brought up to never accept charity then that might also explain her reaction - some people are very offended that others think they can't afford it, and wouldn't take it even if they truly needed it.

Or she might just have been an ungracious person - but at least she did say "no thank you".

I think you need to manage your expectations of what you wanted to happen - your hurt feelings suggest that you were expecting her to be grateful and happy, and she took away your "warm fuzzies" by failing to follow your script. People don't always do what you might expect of them, so it's important to learn to manage your reactions when they don't.

hungryhippo90 · 02/06/2018 02:14

Yeah I would say she was a bit U in her response, it was rather curt.
Just yesterday I bought the ladies lunch behind me (was training, I had a voucher I could use which was double the amount I’d spent)
She looked pretty chuffed! It’s nice to do nice things sometimes!

tryharderrepeat · 02/06/2018 02:45

I'd like to think if I was her I would graciously accept your offer and think lovely thoughts about how kind you were afterwards.

In reality I think it's possible I would be embarrassed and humiliated at holding up a queue without having my purse on me... feeling eyes in the back of my head judging me... and anxiety rising liable to snap sharply and run.

I would however feel incredibly bad once my embarrassment wore off and wish I could apologise for not being polite.

Don't let it stop you being the kind person you are. She has the problem- but it may not be that she's simply a horrid person. Stress brings out the worst in people.

Rocinante1 · 02/06/2018 08:04

@beaubeau11

My point about strangers offering sweets and ice cream won't change because of the child's age.
I live in a small town, and a man was arrested last week for going up to the school and trying to get kids in his car. It's the second time he's been arrested for that and is a known paedophile. The police released him after one night in jail. So he's back in town. Which means we all need to hammer the point onto our kids - do not accept things from adults you don't know.

I'm very sorry if that means you don't get the praise you wanted from her. It was hot, she needed to go get her purse (or didn't want the kids to have any more junk) and you interrupted a private conversation between her and her kids.

Chapterandverse · 02/06/2018 08:52

Maybe if you'd offered to pay so she wouldn't have to leave the queue but said she could give you the ££ when she got her purse?

I would have accepted that if the queue was long - and would have came back with the money for you.

However my sister may have reacted the same as the woman in question did- she doesn't like people and would have been angry you had overheard her speaking to her children. It's just her personality. I never understand her when she tells me of things I would perceive to be nice but they offend her!!!!

Chapterandverse · 02/06/2018 08:55

dibbosteme

"All young adults now and guess what? Mine fit and slim, sister's kids are overweight. No surprise there then."

I guess being fit and slim makes them nice and non-judgemental- like you?

Original poster

beaubeau11 · 02/06/2018 10:48

Yeah thanks for all your opinions. The woman in question said no thankyou but very rude and sharp that was my issue. Im totally over it now.

OP posts:

Original poster

beaubeau11 · 02/06/2018 10:52

Rocinate1@

She wasn’t having a private conversation with the children, the children where holding the ice creams, and she went over to a table to search for her purse, I left my 10 year old son in the queue while I went to the table to offer to pay, at that point she said no thankyou sharply with no eye contact I then said I really don’t mind you know? And she didn’t even acknowledge that and just grabbed her boys and left the cafe.

OP posts:

TheFirstMrsDV · 02/06/2018 11:38

Perhaps she wasn't rude and sharp.
Perhaps you are interpreting her as being rude and sharp because you were annoyed at being refused.

What a lot of fuss over absolutely nothing.

Butterflykissess · 02/06/2018 11:45

I would have found that really embarrassing op.

tryharderrepeat · 02/06/2018 11:52

I slightly see why she was rude more now.

You wanted to do a kind thing...

But you overheard a private conversation with her kids and then went in to try and fix things even leaving your own business in the queue to walk over to her - she probably thought eavesdropping and interfering

Newmanwannabe · 02/06/2018 11:54

Maybe she hadn’t left her purses and didn’t want the boys to have an ice cream and was looking for an easy out

Original poster

beaubeau11 · 02/06/2018 14:57

Honestly some of you need to check yourselves. This is mums net and I’m entitled to post what I want just like you are. If you don’t like it you don’t have to comment. Even adults can be bulllies really no need.

OP posts:

GriswaldFamilyStaycation · 02/06/2018 15:14

The point of posting though is so that you can get replies. Specifically AIBU you're asking opinions. No one has been rude to you have certainly not been bullied. It makes me wonder about this sharp 'thank you' you were meant to have received.

Original poster

beaubeau11 · 02/06/2018 15:20

Yeah but why do people feel the need to say it’s pointless and to get over it etc etc ? Really no need for it.

OP posts:

user1485342611 · 02/06/2018 16:03

Yes, really annoys me when someone comes onto a thread to superciliously tell the OP that her AIBU is pointless/silly/is that all you have to worry about? etc.

The other woman sounds as if she was extremely ungracious. Maybe she was a bit hassled at the time and was mortified afterwards when she realised how she must have come across.

TheFirstMrsDV · 02/06/2018 16:48

Yeah but why do people feel the need to say it’s pointless and to get over it

Because it is and you should.

That isn't rude, its an opinion.
Its certainly not bullying.

I don't know what you expected.

PeanuttyButter · 02/06/2018 16:58

In subway once there was a huge queue, and a school child at the front of the queue who’s prepayment ‘credit’ card wasn’t working. She was trying to ring her mum to put some money on it (assuming she didn’t know it was empty or didn’t know why it was working). Her two friends were reaching in their pockets to try and contribute but they only had 30p between them. They were stepped to the side and people were paying for theirs and leaving she looked really embarrassed. She was just telling the cashier that she couldn’t pay and walking away when I got to the till. I paid for the salad and walked out. The cashier called the girl back and said it had been paid for by me.

It was a nice feeling helping (I’ve been in that situation at the chippy before) the girl picked up her salad and then didn’t even say thank you as she walked past!!
I would still do it again though.

Kaykay06 · 02/06/2018 17:06

Aw sounds a nice thing to have done, perhaps she was having a panic about where her purse was if it was meant to have been in her bag and didn’t really realise you were trying to be kind, as her mind wasn’t on you but on where she’d left her purse.

Just remember you offered to do a nice thing, some people will accept some won’t but that’s life I wouldn’t get upset about it,

Kaykay06 · 02/06/2018 17:07

Purely because that’d be me, oh flip where have I left it this time!! Currently hunting for new pegs I bought yesterday hunted high and low and now getting annoyed with myself

Ruffian · 02/06/2018 18:52

You're being over-sensitive again - there was no need for you to take umbrage because this woman rejected your offer and there's no need to cop the nark because not everyone thinks you deserve a medal and a massive round of applause.

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