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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to offer to pay for children’s ice creams?

100 replies

beaubeau11 · 01/06/2018 18:55

I was at the park with my 3 dc today, we where stood in a que in the little cafe buying ice cream etc. There was a woman behind me with 2 ds’s with ice creams in there hands waiting to pay! The woman said to her two little boys ah no Iv left my purse and went to leave the long que, I said excuse me would you like me to pay for those ice creams for the boys ? I really don’t mind.? She was sharp with me and replied no thankyou!!!! I found this odd didn’t she appreciate my kindness?

OP posts:
Ruffian · 01/06/2018 19:39

Hi chopped toms! Grin

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/06/2018 19:46

I'd have said no too. Maybe she'd already said No to the ice-cream but the boys had picked them out anyway, maybe she couldn't afford them and she needs the children to understand that there won't always be a random stranger there to pay for things. Sometimes you just can't have what you want, that's a reality that many children need to understand.

Other people may be perfectly happy to have you pay. It was kind of you to offer but she wasn't obliged to take charity.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 01/06/2018 19:53

I don't think either of you were wrong or rude.

I dislike being 'helped' whatever the intention. I get quite defensive about it. I just feel i dont know embarresed, stressed, judged, that some times comes out very brisque, and sharp.

In this situation no i wouldnt want to feel like i owed a stranger for my kids icecreams, i would have no way of paying you back.

Lemonnaise · 01/06/2018 19:53

"I said excuse me would you like me to pay for those ice creams for the boys ? I really don’t mind.?"

I think you should have said "Excuse me, may I pay for those ice creams for the boys ? I would love to treat them."

I think what OP said was better.

OP she was probably just stressed but yes she was rude to you.

ADishBestEatenCold · 01/06/2018 19:59

"I think what OP said was better."

Maybe, or maybe OP's phrasing put the mother into the position of not only potentially accepting a favour, but first of all having to declare that she actually wanted OP to do that favour ... "would you like me to" ...

VladmirsPoutine · 01/06/2018 19:59

She was most probably on the back foot and didn't know how to respond so tried to get out of the situation as quickly as possible. It's a nice gesture but some people don't like to appear as though they are a 'charity' case iyswim?

TheFirstMrsDV · 01/06/2018 20:00

DS's nursery used to sell sweets after the morning session.
I thought this was a rubbish idea but it wasn't my call.
It caused loads of problems as DS would be asking for sweets every day.
I would always say no firmly.
Once one of the other mums offered to pay and I politely declined. She chased me out of the building waving sweets for my DS. I got a bit sharp at that point.
She probably thought I was rude and she was being kind.

It depends on perspective doesn't it?
You were being kind but she may have felt you were being interfering?

nursy1 · 01/06/2018 20:00

Its a random act of kindness. I would have gratefully accepted, offered to meet up and pay on another occasion or tried to do a kindness elsewhere to make up for it.
A man yesterday gave me 20p because I didn’t have right change for car park. A couple of weeks ago my ex class went for cake after. 😱 one of women with me was 50p short I paid it.
What goes around comes around!

SaucyJack · 01/06/2018 20:02

Maybe she'd genuinely left her purse somewhere random and was more concerned about finding it than getting the kids ice-creams at that particular moment in time?

Bramble71 · 01/06/2018 20:07

You were being very kind, not unreasonable at all. She was just rude of embarrassed. Think no more of it.

Rocinante1 · 01/06/2018 20:08

I'd have said no to you as well. I, and a lot of parents, spend a lot of time teaching kids not to accept sweets etc from strangers so I certainly wouldn't allow someone to buy them an ice cream. What if next time I say no to them, they ask some random.

Honestly, she'd probably left her purse in the car or in a bag with her partner outside or something and didn't need you sticking your nose in.

RedForFilth · 01/06/2018 20:10

I would have politely declined. Some people offer because they're kind. Some offer so the recipient falls over themselves with gratitude, a thank you isn't enough for them. Not saying you're like that! My sister will buy birthday presents and ask about it literally 5 times or more if you liked it just to get another thank you!

Believeitornot · 01/06/2018 20:15

Were they package ice creams? Maybe they grabbed them and she was using the purse excuse as no?

HildegardVonBlingen · 01/06/2018 20:15

@beaubeau11 we where stood in a que

This is wrong on so many levels. It was kind of you to offer to pay for the ice-creams, though.

I gave the chap behind me my spare John Lewis coffee and cake vouchers yesterday (they were expiring and would otherwise have been thrown away). He accepted with great pleasure, and he and his companion had a nice free coffee and cake each. Everyone was happy.

seven201 · 01/06/2018 20:19

I think she was probably just having a bad day and regrets snapping at you.

Yesterday I said to a woman trying to put her screaming toddler in their buggy "my dd hates the buggy too". She just stared at me and walked off. I felt awful. I was just trying to show a bit of sympathy but obviously just pissed her off.

Original poster
beaubeau11 · 01/06/2018 20:36

Sorry queue!!!
I understand some people would be embarrassed but if someone said that to me I would say “thankyou very much, that’s kind of you but I just need to find my purse” the way she spoke to me was awful she made me feel like I was beneath her. Oh well I won’t stop being the person I am and if I was in the same position again I would do the same. I will always help others 🙂

P.s the woman’s children wouldn’t have understood about a stranger offering sweets as they where very very young and didn’t hear the conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
beaubeau11 · 01/06/2018 20:40

Believeitornot

Never thought off that, yeah her children got the ice creams out of the fridge.

OP posts:
keepingbees · 01/06/2018 20:41

Yanbu it was nice of you to offer and she should have declined politely whatever her reasons. Nothing for her to be offended about imo.

OutofTyme · 01/06/2018 20:45

You were kind and she was rude!

Original poster
beaubeau11 · 01/06/2018 20:46

The woman was so sharp with me that I nearly said something.
She made me feel like shit no eye contact either.

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 01/06/2018 21:07

I would have offered to pay too op. She was rude. Some people have zero social skills.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 01/06/2018 21:07

Beau im ASD and i hate making eye contact especially with a stranger would have been sharp, i dont mean to make you feel below me. In fact i feel very vunerable and below you.

serenemostly · 01/06/2018 21:08

When offering unsolicited help, I've found that the best way to do it, to avoid the risk of embarrassing your intended recipient, is to present it as though the favour were hers (or his!) to give you - something like, "May I be of help here? It would be my pleasure to help out and save you some time."
Let's face it, the buzz you get from giving makes it much easier to be the giver. Being gracious enough to receive unsolicited help is not always so easy, particularly if you're feeling stressed and/or given to self criticism/having a bad day etc etc

TheShapeOfEwe · 01/06/2018 21:11

Nothing wrong with you offering or her refusing but no need for her to be sharp with you so YANBU!

Original poster
beaubeau11 · 01/06/2018 21:14

I made sure I did it in a dignified way. Im one of these people who would give my last penny. I felt hurt and dismissed.

OP posts:
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