To take a small present to a "no gifts please" party?

[Verdad]

DC has been invited to a party with a note saying no gifts please but a small cheque to X charity would be appreciated.

I'm happy to donate and will do so. But I can't help feeling a little sad for the 7 yr old who might prefer to have a few things to open as well. Apparently this is the child's wish. Would I be spoiling it for everyone if I take something small as well as a cheque?

Do as they have asked. They will have come to this decision for a reason and you need to respect that or don’t attend.

Yes I think so. It's a nice impulse on your part but people make these requests for a reason, and their wishes should be respected! It's not really for you to decide what is best for another person's child, even if you have the best intentions.

I would be tempted to buy the child something, even if it was a box of sweets or felt tips or something.

I'd take a gift as well. It's usually the parent not the child who has made the decision and the children miss out. Gifts from a party are part of the whole experience.

I’d do as the invite says. Otherwise it looks like undermining/doubting their parenting.

My DD was invited to a party like this. We brought a donation as requested, and she made her friend a bracelet from one of her jewellery kits and popped it in with the card - just a little thing which didn't cost anything but was personal.

Don't take a gift, that's really rude. They presumably have their reasons and why do you presume your view that presents are important trumps their view?

Well, you don't know who made the decision or why, so I wouldn't do it.

The child (or possibly parents) may have a very good reason for this. For you to assume it's a bad reason or one that you can dismiss based on pure speculation, and then deny the request, even if you get the child something small, would seem very pushy and disrespectful to me.

It's also very odd that you're so determined to give a gift, if I'm honest. It won't hurt you not to bring something!

These threads crop up fairly often in MN. It they say no gifts, don't bring a gift.

If your dd is close she could make her something - a bracelet or necklace and give it to her? If they aren’t close then don’t bother.

I agree you should respect their decision. They know their own child, presumably they're happy he's ok with it.

Some children would genuinely choose charity donations, if it’s a charity they really care about.

PPs idea of making a friendship bracelet or something similiar is a lovely compromise

If the child is anything like mine, s/he has more things than s/he knows what to do with and will be getting a mountain of presents from grandparents etc.

If I had a party and stated no gifts, I would be a little annoyed if someone decided to bring a gift anyway. I would probably just leave it behind at the party venue, unopened, or drop it off at a charity shop on the way home.
The child will have had presents from family to open and find space for and the parents clearly don't want a house full of "little presents" that please only the giver but are unwanted by the receiver.

I don't know. I've always thought in the past (when I've seen this on Mumsnet!) that parents are doing it to avoid having a load of what they deem to be "tat" given to their child.

Interesting responses though. I don't think I'm "really rude" to be wondering about this, nor am I "desperate" or "pushy" fgs. I'm just reading an invitation and finding it unconventional!

I can't help that it does make me feel uncomfortable. Convention is to take a gift so the parents are asking all the parents to be complicit in it, whatever the reasoning is. I'm wondering if this isn't something that should be achieved privately. Maybe encourage the child to donate some of the gifts to a hospital or similar? Or donate out of their pocket?

Interesting that posters feel gift giving is something that should be controlled by the recipient not the giver.

Id bring a small potof bubbles

I would take a gift, keep it in your bag/car and see what everyone else does. If someone else gives a gift and doesnt get shouted and and escorted out then pull yours out.

You are being rude, It says no gifts please. Couldn't be more clear.

If I had put "no gifts" on an invitation, it would really piss me off if someone turned up with one. It will also make guests who have done as they were asked, ie not taken a present, feel uncomfortable if they see your child with a gift.

I'm sure you think you are being kind but if they have asked for no presents it would be rude to turn up with one - their party, their rules.

And you'll piss off the other parents who have complied with the hosts' wishes.

I don't think I'll take a gift. But I will feel uncomfortable about it.

I take the view that gifts are given freely at the discretion and will of the giver, not stipulated by the recipient.

I'm sure the parents have good intentions. I just feel uneasy being made to be a part of their parenting, assuming this is a life lesson for the child - or a way of reducing tat in their house!

But isn’t a gift about them and not you? Unless you’re buying a gift that this child desperately wants or would be very special to them then how is donating to charity any different to buying them a toy that they may like?

How do you know this isn’t the child’s request?

I would and have.

I've previously taken something small and consumable, like bubbles or some sweeties.

I don't like these requests at all. Part of the fun of parties is the routine of them including cake, going home bags and the oft mentioned 'tat'.
Having said that, if your host says 'no presents' then don't take a present. To do so is disrespectful.