To take a small present to a "no gifts please" party?

[Verdad]

DC has been invited to a party with a note saying no gifts please but a small cheque to X charity would be appreciated.

I'm happy to donate and will do so. But I can't help feeling a little sad for the 7 yr old who might prefer to have a few things to open as well. Apparently this is the child's wish. Would I be spoiling it for everyone if I take something small as well as a cheque?

If someone brought a gift to my 'no gifts' party, they will be taking it back home with them.

I would donate the gift to charity and never invite the obnoxious guest to another party. It's the host's place to decide what is and is not appropriate.

It IS rude to bring a gift if the invitation says otherwise. If you don't like the terms of the invitation, don't go.
But if you bring a gift and everyone else has followed their wishes, you risk not only upsetting the recipients, but also the other invitees.

My nephew got very keen on supporting a cause and would have been extremely upset if people had given him something instead (or as well as) giving to the cause. At 6or7 he felt everyone should give what they could to the cause and would have felt upset if he received something as in his mind that was money that could have been used to help others instead. (still v black and white then!)

I'm glad you've decided to not bring a gift, and to work through your discomfort at veering away from convention! Pretend they are from a different culture where gift giving isn't the norm, if that makes you feel better

For those of you who think it's OK to totally ignore the host's request; Imagine you've asked your Mil to specifically Not give something to your dc and she just went ahead and gave it!! Now, how does that feel?

But I can't help feeling a little sad for the 7 yr old who might prefer to have a few things to open as well. Apparently this is the child's wish.

Quite clearly, OP, you don't believe that this genuinely is the child's wish. Do you actually have any evidence for this?

My niece recently turned 8. She is currently obsessed with environmental issues, specifically single-use plastics, after watching Blue Planet and doing a project on it at school. She requested no gifts for her birthday for environmental reasons and asked for donations to Plastic Oceans. This came totally from her with no influencing from her parents (who actually tried to persuade her to ask for books).

She would have been genuinely upset if you had given her a gift when she specifically asked otherwise, and you would have been teaching her that adults don't have to respect kids' wishes if they don't want to.

It is possible for children to develop a social conscience quite young. My 9 year old granddaughter has become very interested in animal welfare. I can certainly see her making a donation instead of gifts request.

Maybe DD could make a lovely card with a little letter telling her how kind it is for her to donate to charity. They might be trying to teach her that it feels better to give gifts than recieve. You can support that by making her feel really proud of herself.

Honestly if I was the host I would feel you were making a point about your opinion , parenting and feelings being more important than mine and my child's

If it was something my child felt strongly about if be very cross you had invalidated that

Quite honestly I'd far rather you chose not to come...if you do go it wouldn't be appropriate to take a gift or mention your views It would be incredibly rude

I'd be really annoyed if I asked for no gifts and someone brought one because they thought they knew my child better than me. If it says no gifts, then don't bring one. It's arrogant to think these requests apply to everyone except you.

When my DS was 1 I asked for no presents but had a money box for donations to charity. I made it clear that he had lots of stuff and just wanted everyone to celebrate...we didn't need or want more toys but Great Ormond Street needs every penny. I got a pile of shit for the child and £10 in the pot. I was very disappointed.