To think people who post incessant updates must be very miserable?

[namechangemaestro]

Specifically "instastories" - I have two friends who post on their instagram stories CONSTANTLY, to the point where I don't know how they're not cringing themselves!

One of them it is her son who is 2 - every half an hour, him eating, reading, playing, sleeping! It's not anything even particularly significant or funny, just a camera pointed at whatever mundane activity he's doing at the time.

The other it's just whatever she's doing - on a night out again it must be every half hour or so, people dancing, drinks, food, more dancing, a selfie, the taxi ride home, getting into bed...

I'm not slating social media as such. And yes I know I could unfollow them or block them or whatever, but it's more a fascination that I just find so... Odd!!

I don't understand how anyone can be in the moment and truly enjoying themselves and be constantly updating social media?

Am I wrong? If you're someone who posts that much (be honest!), why??

I don't, but I think it's a bit odd to draw blanket conclusions about someone's happiness based on what you regard as excessive instagramming. The most I'd say is that some people seem to want validation or reassurance more than other people.

Okay, maybe "very miserable" is a bit far, but surely needing constant validation and reassurance can't be enjoyable? I do wonder how much they miss out on too because they're more engrossed with trying to capture 'something', whatever that may be.

Insecure probably. Possibly lonely.

I think these people are stupendously unaware of how they come across.

I have a couple of people on my Facebook who do it constantly. Both have different styles of posting but both astound me with their self obsession.

One is the same age as I am (45) but posts in the same style as a 20 year old woman. Constant changing room posts "This is THE DRESS!" or Instagram-ish shots of her feet in some "amazing boots" or her new fucking fringe.

The other is more of a verbal poster...so yes, lonely. She posts "Done three loads of washing, read to the baby....a nice glass of wine for me! Well deserved!" and I think "Well deserved? Who are you telling? Just have your bloody wine and be quiet.

It's so strange to me. Do they think they're such fascinating creatures that the world is waiting with baited breath to be informed of their every move?

Is it breathtaking arrogance, a search for validation or plain old boredom?

or her new fucking fringe.

😂

I can't work out whether it's arrogance or insecurity either. The one who posts about her social life must think noone else does those things. She doesn't realise we just don't feel the need to update everyone. So strange.

I deleted FB because i found myself looking for validation at a pretty low time in my life.... it was like a drug. Then it dawned on me that few people actually cared and those that did, I could easily reach without Social Media.

It was a scary time, starting to build the validation within myself, but it's working and I tend to feel that it's probably more healthy this way.

I needed the attention, yes, but was getting it superficially from the wrong people. Symptomatic of where my head was at the time.

Most folk are pretty non-descript or quite dull to others on their periphery ( I include myself in that generalisation too!!)

Op sounds miserable

Wow making blanket statements is really easy

Such an enlightening contribution to the discussion @araiwa.

Op sounds miserable

Do I? I'm just genuinely intrigued by what these people are trying to achieve. I thought MN was somewhere to come and ask for people's opinions!

As was yours

Why would you follow someone who you dont like? Its easy enough not to. And then you can concern yourself with your own life and not worry about others

In the early days of Facebook I posted similarly... usually just once a day though, nowadays I’m very rarely on FB so when the “memories to look back on” crop up, I physically cringe at my inanity “yummy lunch today”, “Airy is being productive/ procrastinating”, “love my bed” 🙈🤦‍♀️😄

Sosogoodagain

Glad to hear you're feeling in a better head space than you were. Did any amount of likes or comments ever give you the validation you craved, or was it just a self-fulfilling prophecy? did you ever worry that people found it odd like we do?

i think humans are generally easily enough understood in that actions are attributable to an unmet need or want.... generally.

That's what makes us ponder.

Have to say though - sometimes others post trigger a reaction in my about where i am at in life and have encouraged me to make changes.

So its a two-way street for me.

Yes to all this. I have a very glamorous friend who posts pictures of drinks (cocktails/champagne/wine/more cocktails) all the time in various jaunty angles with filtered backgrounds. The problem is that it is often daily and maybe a lunch making her late for the school run or a series of huge nights out. You can almost feel the viewers thinking the same thing which is that she drinks far too much and yet it continues. I find the whole set up around such posted life shots both fake and faintly disturbing. I'm not very old but probably sound it!

Why would you follow someone who you dont like? Its easy enough not to. And then you can concern yourself with your own life and not worry about others

Who's worried? Confused, intrigued, vaguely repulsed - yes. Worried - no.
Are you too busy taking selfies to ponder the human condition?

Why would you follow someone who you dont like?

That's the thing - I do like them, one is one of my oldest friends, the other is DH's best friends wife.

My sil just posts filtered pictures of herself constantly. I wouldn't mind if it was her holiday or days out but 99% is just her face.

name no i didn't initially.

although when i talked to friends who were generally more content in life, i found that they were the more infrequent posters. i was pretty selective about who i was friends with anyway - maybe 60 people - but i was going through a marriage break-up and felt i was at risk of airing dirty linen or competing for friendships/pity (i stress this was in my case - not saying its universal)

they were more sure of their situations and had an inner resolve i wanted to cultivate for myself... see post above

thecatsarecrazy

Yes I have a few that do that. But will post like "day out with the kids" or "amazing holiday" but it's just a selfie?!

Youre not worried your best friend is miserable?

Have to say though - sometimes others post trigger a reaction in my about where i am at in life and have encouraged me to make changes

In English this time:

Sometimes others' posts trigger a reaction in me

Coffee do your magic!!

I must admit that I quite like Instagram stories. Some are utterly boring and it’s yet another place for people to put up more pictures of food...eyeroll. But I have some friends who travel a lot or another friend who is going through an extensive house remodel and it’s quite interesting to see her updates. I’m living away from home at the moment and it’s a good way for me to show what I’m up to without spamming my Instagram or Facebook feed. I also like seeing what my friends are up to back home and seeing how big their kids have grown, it can be a nice peek into day to day life. I wouldn’t say that your friend is looking for validation or reassurance as you don’t generally get much interaction with Instagram stories, perhaps she just wants to get involved and her kid is her life at the moment! Boring or not.

But yeah in general, social media does stop a lot of us from living in the moment. I’ve been lucky enough to do a bit of travelling recently and the amount of people that view life through the camera lens on their phone is just astonishing. People wandering aimlessly around a gorgeous landscape doing a “Facebook live” video. It’s important to take a few pics and video, but then put the phone away and live in the moment! And the girls on a night out updating constantly are definitely spending way too much time on their phones to be having a good time. You can picture it now, a group of them all just looking at their phones, that white glare lighting up their bored faces 😂

It's insecurity, and craving attention and validation, as PPs have said.

A friend of my mine incessantly posts pictures of her son, another of her self doing her hobby.

Cue tons of mutual friends & their family posting "Beautiful babe," "Looking good," "Love you," "Amazing babe." Etc etc.

The comments are just as awful as the posts themselves. Every time I read "Gawjuss" it literally sets my teeth on edge. FFS you are a grown woman, not in reception learning phonics!!

Oh by the way YANBU...Got distracted. You hit a raw nerve there, OP!

I had to unfollow my cousin. She's in her 40s, and her constant stream of photos and status updates was exhausting. She's also on permanent sick leave, and doesn't have the sense to realise how damning some of her posts are............ I find it really sad that instead of enjoying the moment, she's trying to photograph it.