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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does your DH take time off work during school hols?

78 replies

user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 12:34

I work 3.5 days pw in a school, so am hols when the kids are. My DH never takes time off work during hols to do family stuff or take the pressure off me having to entertain them every day, with the exception of summer hols.
Most of my friends' DHs take a day or two most hols to do stuff together.
He has plenty of annual leave and often carries up to 10 days over to the following year. So, in reality, he never uses up his annual leave. He says he is too busy to take time off.
Should i accept that he just isn't that fussed about spending time with all of us? He is happy enough to take a day off on my day off, as the kids aren't around and we can spend the day in bed...his suggestion, not mine!

OP posts:

cptartapp · 31/05/2018 12:40

Yes. It's boring and hard work. I still end up doing more because I'm pt but absolutely yes he's taken leave. It's nice to get away and back to work some days tbh.

gillybeanz · 31/05/2018 12:42

If he wants to spend the day with you in bed, then he can take time off to be a family.
Sounds like he's not bothered about family life.
The couples I know who both work share all the holidays, thats what annual leave is for.
Your poor dc, does he parent in any way.

wegweiser · 31/05/2018 12:42

I wouldn’t like this. We both work full time and use pretty much all our holiday covering the school hols between us. We try and have as much time together as our holiday allowance allows with just a few (2 or 3) days a year for the two of us. Does he spend lots of time with you all at weekends?

ilovesooty · 31/05/2018 12:44

Does he take his share of leave if the children are ill?

Cocktailismyfavouritefilm · 31/05/2018 12:45

My husband takes most of his leave in school holiday time. As he wants to spend time with us as family. He use the odd day here and there so we can have an 'us' day. The last one he had was near my birthday and we had a day out while the kids were at school. The one before that was last year. We went Christmas shopping and had lunch!

Marmaladdin · 31/05/2018 12:46

I'm a SAHM and DH has 6 weeks annual leave a year. He uses 1 week to go away with his friends but he uses the other 5 weeks during school hols so he can spend time with his DC. He usually takes 2 weeks in summer hols (1 week away, 1 week at home), 1 week over Easter or May half term, 1 week over Christmas and then the last week is used for half days (shows, sports day etc)

MustObey · 31/05/2018 12:46

We both work full time and split holiday childcare between me, Dh and my Mum. So this week there was bank holiday so we were both off, i had Tuesday & Wednesday Off, my mum did Thursday and dh is doing Friday.

The 6 week summer hols is going to take at least 1 day each week plus the 7 days we are away.

But I guess the difference is, I am not at home....he probably wouldn’t take as much if I was at home....we very rarely both have a day off together apart from our 1 week holiday a year.

ProustianMadeleine · 31/05/2018 12:46

I'm a sahm, dh works full time. He will usually have time off d

ProustianMadeleine · 31/05/2018 12:50

Excuse that post, sent too soon.

What I was going to say was, he usually takes time off during holidays. We try to save a lot for around Christmas so that he can help get all the present and food shopping done. Unfortunately this year, he doesn't have enough holidays left to take any during summer, we moved house and had to use holiday in an emergency, so he'll only be around at weekends. It's not ideal.

I would be annoyed in your situation.

ScottishInSwitzerland · 31/05/2018 12:50

My husband takes time off during school holidays so we can go on family holidays and spend time together. But he does also take random days during term so he can just sleep in and have a lazy day.

I was a stay at home mum until this year and now I work at my children’s school. I kind of resent his random lazy days off and I would be really unhappy if he never took time off during school holidays.

BrutusMcDogface · 31/05/2018 12:54

My dp only takes time off in school holidays (and he doesn't take his full allocation ) apart from the odd weekend away we might have as a couple, for which he'll take a Friday off.

Beaverhausen · 31/05/2018 12:55

Even though my DP has a very stressfull demanding job he tries to take a few days or week off over the school holidays so that we are able to do things together as a family.

Shoxfordian · 31/05/2018 13:12

He's obviously not that interested in parenting his children

Aragog · 31/05/2018 13:25

Dh takes holidays in the school holidays if we are going away or have a proper day out (often linked to a weekend) planned, but not just for the odd day at home unless it's over Christmas. I work ft in a school. When dd was younger he used extra days for times when dd was off and I wasn't (she had more holidays than me and also INSET days.) that isn't really needed now she's older, though he will take the odd day off in those situations just to have a day off doing stuff with teen dd.

But he doesn't carry holidays over. He may use one or two a year for golf days but the rest are for family time.

Original poster

user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 13:26

He spends most evenings and weekends out with the kids- he coaches their football and rugby teams, so does spend time with them. I just feel that he would rather be at work than have time with all of us together. Reading your responses i am getting increasingly annoyed and saddened by his attitude. He has never ever offered to take time off during hols! I think he assumes because i am off anyway, that childcare is covered!

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 31/05/2018 13:29

I wouldn’t be interested in a day in bed with a guy who couldn’t take the odd day off in holidays to help out! Does he take days off when they are sick? If he balanced it equally when you are both working it sounds a bit better.

cloudtree · 31/05/2018 13:32

My DH takes all of his leave during school holidays. Might take a couple of odd days here and there outside of this if we are going away for the weekend as a couple. He took Tuesday and Wednesday this week.

musicposy · 31/05/2018 13:35

I'm a teacher too and yes, DH takes as many of his holidays as he can get in school holiday time.

I'd be very upset in your shoes - why should all your holiday times be solely looking after the DC? I work a 4 day week and our occasional Fridays off together are nice though he'd be told to stuff spending the day in bed, but they're not the same as holidays in holiday time.

Time for a good firm talk, I think.

wegweiser · 31/05/2018 13:36

Do you not have any family time op, where the two of you hang out with the DC or go out for the day?

abitoflight · 31/05/2018 13:40

DH still does this even though youngest is 15. Truthfully she's either with friends, or if not she's asleep and she'd rather be on her own but it is thoughtful

Original poster

user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 13:46

Thinking about it, we don't really have any 'family hang out' time, which makes me really sad. 😯
Our weekends are mostly spent juggling kids matches or other activities, but not as a family. One kid with me and one somewhere else with him.
This bank hol was the first day we all spent together since Easter...but even that was spent with extended family! Our last day together, just the 4 of us, was new year!!

OP posts:

Charm23 · 31/05/2018 13:47

I don't have children yet, but we are actively ttc and would expect my husband to take time off from time to time, not only to to help me/give me a break but also to spend quality time with his family.

You could just simply ask him "How do you feel about taking off X number of days so we can spend some quality family time during the school holidays?" which sounds perfectly reasonable to me. He might have just never considered it and be perfectly willing to book the time off.

I guess I'm expecting he will say yes, but if he says no, I'd be interested in his reasoning.

hidinginthenightgarden · 31/05/2018 13:47

My DH does but because I get twice as much leave as him, I do the majority.

Original poster

user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 13:47

Gosh, reading this, even i am feeling sorry for me!

OP posts:

Canwejustrelaxnow · 31/05/2018 13:48

I'm tto and dh uses all of his leave in the school holidays. This is to both help me out and to have family holidays and days out. Maybe this will change when they're older.

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