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Original poster

Does your DH take time off work during school hols?

78 replies

user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 12:34

I work 3.5 days pw in a school, so am hols when the kids are. My DH never takes time off work during hols to do family stuff or take the pressure off me having to entertain them every day, with the exception of summer hols.
Most of my friends' DHs take a day or two most hols to do stuff together.
He has plenty of annual leave and often carries up to 10 days over to the following year. So, in reality, he never uses up his annual leave. He says he is too busy to take time off.
Should i accept that he just isn't that fussed about spending time with all of us? He is happy enough to take a day off on my day off, as the kids aren't around and we can spend the day in bed...his suggestion, not mine!

OP posts:
PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 31/05/2018 13:49

No, he deliberately takes time off when they're at school so he can paint whichever room needs doing. Bathroom next. I don't need help with childcare during the holidays, they're a doddle.

Charm23 · 31/05/2018 13:52

OP, just ask him! He might say yes and you'll be worrying/feeling bad about it for nothing :)

Emily7708 · 31/05/2018 13:57

DH takes all his holiday leave with the DC in mind. We go through the calendar at the start of the holiday year and book in everything for school holidays, concerts and sports days etc for both of us. No way would I look after the kids on my own for the whole of the holidays.

Jaxhog · 31/05/2018 13:58

Remind him that if he doesn't take time off, neither can you.

lechhy · 31/05/2018 14:01

I'm a teacher so get the holidays with my DC. And no, DH never takes time off during school holidays.

Tbf, he has time off for our annual holiday and Christmas. He also has time off to cover all the things I can't do - sports day, inset days, taking children to ballet exams and the like. But apart from that, he tends to have his days off to suit him.

maddening · 31/05/2018 14:04

We both work full time so split our hols to cover the school hols - my mum covers some hols days to make up the shortfall and we therefore get a week off together and a day off over Xmas together (aside from the bank hols)

Justabadwife · 31/05/2018 14:09

Yeah he does.
We both work full time so obviously need childcare through the holidays.
This week he had Tuesday off while I was at work.

He has booked 2 weeks off work in the summer to spend with dd while I'm at work (I am off Mondays so we will spend them as a family)

LeeLooDallasMultiPass · 31/05/2018 14:09

I am a SAHM so by default so all childcare and always have done. Dh takes inset days off so we can take the children out somewhere which won't be as busy as it would in holidays.

He also takes time off in holidays so we can spend time as a family together but we do this several evenings a week anyway after dinner.

When work is really busy over the 6 week summer holidays, he will take a Friday and the following Monday off so that we get long weekends together. Basically reducing himself down to a 4 day week.

He is self employed so doesn't get paid if he isn't working. He also takes 10 days to 2 weeks off over Christmas whilst the children are off school. The DC are 15 and 12.

BlueJava · 31/05/2018 14:11

My DP and I take pretty much all annual leave together and always have for 24 years. The only time we don't is if one of us has to take one of our DS to something (e.g. orthodontist, music exam, whatever) then only one of us takes the 1/2 day off. But we take it in turns to do this. Tbh sometimes I think we are the boring ones because we do pretty much everything together (although we love it that way) but I hear others in the office say they are going away without their partner/husband for a hen or something which we don't do - unless it's a business trip which is different. Overall he probably does more childcare than me because I'm the main earner and work does take more of my time, but he says he is happy with that and I am too.

Mamadothehump · 31/05/2018 14:13

Mine only ever takes times off when we go away (as a couple or as a family) but he is self employed which makes a big difference. He does however have time off over Christmas when the business shuts up shop so to speak.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 31/05/2018 14:13

DH has taken this week off to be with me and DS. He took one week of Easter too. He can’t take all the holidays off but he does get a lot of leave (over 30 days) so usually takes it to coincide with me not being in school.

Youcantflosstomonkeywrench · 31/05/2018 14:16

I email DH in advance with a list of the days that I need him to take off for family things. Most of it is in the holidays, some of it not.

Often I book a strategic Friday in the middle of the holidays when I predict (usually very accurately) that I will be at the end of my tether, usually I book a hair appointment followed by lunch and leave him to it.

Fatted · 31/05/2018 14:24

Sometimes he will, sometimes he doesn't. He has days off in the week most weeks though, so we do have days out and do things as a family on these days when the kids are off.

I don't mind really. He does his fare share with the house and the kids all the time, so I don't feel like I'm struggling on my own.

UrgentScurryfunge · 31/05/2018 15:40

He's never needed to from a childcare perspective in the holidays as I've either been a teacher or a SAHM.

Most of his leave he will take in the holidays as family time. Some days he'll take as DIY or us time when the DC's are at school so they are of benefit.

The DCs used their nursery days p/t when I was working so I had some child free time. This summer, now they are both at school, I will book some sports club days which will benefit us all.

When I worked, on my working days, he would do his best to cover illness/ strikes/ INSET/ events. Not always possible but he had more potential flexibility. Some years I was p/t so naturally covered my free days and he'd do his best to allow my working days to be unaffected.

TheDrinksAreOnMe · 31/05/2018 15:45

In terms of work there have been years i havent been able to take time off in the summer and that was simpily down to the business needs :( I was gutted but I've always tried to make up for in at another point.

I think it's important to say to your H - look - we do so much seperately, lets actively MAKE time for the family

SEsofty · 31/05/2018 16:09

Don’t you go on holiday or holiday at home together?

What does he do with his leave?

Original poster
user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 16:41

He takes 2 weeks in the summer for our family holiday, a week over Xmas/new year, most of which we spend with extended family and about 5-7 odd days through the year when kids are at school.
The rest of his days he carries over!

OP posts:
SEsofty · 31/05/2018 16:49

Ok so the first thing he needs to do is take all his leave. Maybe sit down and plan the year together. So either a few days each holiday or another week holiday, even if it’s a stay cation

It is absolutely not normal to not take your leave and spend time with your family.

Eg dh is taking two days this week as it’s half term . We can’t afford to go on holiday but we will have one day out together and one day at home all together hanging out

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 31/05/2018 16:50

Ha ha! No!

Neither did my Ex...

Sad
MegaClutterSlut · 31/05/2018 17:09

Dh always takes 2 weeks during the summer hols to spend as a family and have days out and sometimes he will take a week in the autumn half term but not always. I don't think I'd be too impressed if didn't at least take some time off with me and the dcs

MegaClutterSlut · 31/05/2018 17:14

He also takes a week off at xmas too. So he spends most of his holidays with the dc but he will keep some spare incase a game he really wants comes out so he can spend all day playing it

Lethaldrizzle · 31/05/2018 17:27

Yes but it's not a habit that came naturally...

louharrisismyhero · 31/05/2018 17:30

There's a lot of speculation in this thread but your OP is interesting:

He says he is too busy to take time off.
Should i accept that he just isn't that fussed about spending time with all of us?

Have you actually asked him?
He may be under crippling pressure at work as the primary breadwinner, or work in a culture where employees don't have much support for time off ad hoc or on school holidays.., or maybe he doesn't want to spend his leave.
Orig could be something in the middle.

But you need to ask him.

Posters here can't tell you, only speculate!

backinthatdress · 31/05/2018 17:37

no, but he would take time off if i asked or something was planned.

grandparents look after the kids in school holiday so no time is needed to be taken off. im also part time

Lethaldrizzle · 31/05/2018 17:39

I said to him what's the point of having kids if you're not going to spend time with them

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