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Original poster

Does your DH take time off work during school hols?

78 replies

user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 12:34

I work 3.5 days pw in a school, so am hols when the kids are. My DH never takes time off work during hols to do family stuff or take the pressure off me having to entertain them every day, with the exception of summer hols.
Most of my friends' DHs take a day or two most hols to do stuff together.
He has plenty of annual leave and often carries up to 10 days over to the following year. So, in reality, he never uses up his annual leave. He says he is too busy to take time off.
Should i accept that he just isn't that fussed about spending time with all of us? He is happy enough to take a day off on my day off, as the kids aren't around and we can spend the day in bed...his suggestion, not mine!

OP posts:
Metoodear · 31/05/2018 17:39

Tbh I used to book them in with the childminder 2 days of the week during the holidays but now I work pt he has taken two weeks off

Haudyerwheesht · 31/05/2018 17:44

I’m a sahm so don’t have childcare aspect as such but dh usually takes a week at Easter, a week in October, 2 weeks in summer and 2 weeks at Christmas

dontbesillyhenry · 31/05/2018 17:45

So he takes three weeks off when the kids are off? I'm not really seeing the problem here

Nikephorus · 31/05/2018 17:51

He takes 2 weeks in the summer for our family holiday, a week over Xmas/new year
Bear in mind that other employees where he works will also want time off in the holidays! He can't have the entire summer holiday off, both weeks at Christmas, plus Easter & half terms, just because it would be nice to have together other than your official family holiday.
And it's not like he doesn't spend time with his kids - it's just one of those things that if your kids have lots of things to do evenings & weekends then parents end up running them around. Stop those things and then spend every weekend en-masse!

EsmeeMerlin · 31/05/2018 17:53

I am a sahm and our eldest is 4 and at nursery school, although will be starting full time in September. Dh will be taking a week off the beginning of the summer holidays and the end. I found easter break difficult with a 4 year old and a newborn so I asked dh to take some time off in the summer so I don’t have that pressure of entertaining a 4 year old and a 5 month old.

It will also be nice for us to have some family time and for us to spend some quality time with our eldest ds before he starts school.

AornisHades · 31/05/2018 17:58

Yes he does as we use all of our leave to cover childcare in the holidays. We get one week away and a few days over Xmas all together.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 31/05/2018 18:11

I'm a teacher so I'm off for all the school hols. Dh has to take a week at Christmas and we go away for a week as a family at whit. The rest of the year he works and would only take days off to cover training days or if the childminder was ill or on holiday. It did annoy me that we didn't get much time together but not much. I did see red the year I looked after them all summer for the 6 weeks and he then took a week off the week they went back to school. He doesn't do that now!

They are teens now so need far less looking after. I actually take them away for a week or two in the summer as he doesn't like to travel but we do. We were away for a week last year and he took that week off and the following one so they did see him a bit. This year we have 2 weeks away and he's taking those 2 weeks! To be fair I usually come back to find some big DIY project has been done while we were away.

LarryFreakinStylinson · 31/05/2018 18:18

Yep. But then he’s probably the main carer despite me being part time in my main job. I also have a second job that takes me away from home and I’m a shift worker. He’s taken all this week off and taken the kids camping Monday to Wednesday whilst I work. Today has been cleaning day and we split the house evenly whilst the kids loll about. It also falls on him if I’m working or away to cover any sick days. Luckily he can work from home if needs be and he has an understanding boss as I can’t really take days at short notice as I’d be leaving a ward dangerously understaffed. He’s a gem. Don’t settle for less.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/05/2018 18:33

Yes, we both take time off to look after the kids. Don't get time together unless we are actually going away as we take leave separately to spread it out.

Vibrola · 31/05/2018 18:35

My DH is a sahd and i work full time.

I take as much time as possible off in the holidays. There's a lot of competition for those weeks at work though.

MissP103 · 31/05/2018 18:38

I'm a sahm and was I'll recently and my DH took two days leave to take care of ds while I recovered. Its teamwork. Yanbu, your Dh should step up .

mindutopia · 31/05/2018 19:06

Yes, we share them mostly. I’m on mat leave at the moment so really at the moment it’s mostly all me, but he might take a day or two off if he can (this week for example he works away at a big event which happens every year during half term, but he’s taking off Monday as it’s an inset day). Otherwise, yes, we both work full time and have no family nearby to help, so mixed with some holiday club days, we do it all ourselves. He does more in the autumn and winter and I do more spring/summer though just because of the nature of the work we do.

mindutopia · 31/05/2018 19:08

I should add, my dh is self employed and the benefit of that is he can largely do what he wants. I’m employed by a university so there’s a lot of flexibility and many of my colleagues are off non-term time anyway.

PorkFlute · 31/05/2018 19:10

I also work term time only but dh uses all of his leave in the holidays.
Aside from helping me out he wants to spend time with the children.
Are your kids old enough to realise their father is saving up leave rather than spending time with them?

SocksRock · 31/05/2018 19:14

Yes, we split the holidays between us as much as we can. Mine have an inset day next Monday that I totally forgot about 😳 so he worked last Sunday and will cover Monday so I can work. Summer we take two weeks each but only overlap by a week so we can reduce paid childcare

PandaPieForTea · 31/05/2018 21:31

Neither of us takes time off to hang about at home with our DDs, though we do plenty of that at the weekends. School holidays are a mixture of holiday schemes, grandparents and actual family holidays. DH does do the s days between Christmas and New Year as I can’t, but he will have PIL there too if they are about. I guess this will change as our DDs get older and are less willing to go to holiday schemes.

TheNoseyProject · 31/05/2018 21:37

Yes, all of it. It’s never occurred to either of us (and maybe it should, maybe we’re too child focused!) to take leave when it’s be just us and not the kids.

He needs to take all his leave - if he was genuinely too busy his organisation would buy it off him (not all orgs do this but many do, you if you are too busy and cannot be off they will buy your leave back off you).

My dad was like your husband: a week in the summer and a week at Christmas. But he’d take time off to do jobs around the house when I was at school. I did notice as a child and it didn’t feel great.

lily2403 · 31/05/2018 21:50

I would be having serious words with my DH family time is really important

gillybeanz · 31/05/2018 21:51

I couldn't have not been with ours during the holidays, weekends just aren't enough.
Some parents don't take any time off during holidays and use holiday clubs.
Each to their own, but I judge these parents.

oblada · 31/05/2018 21:57

DH and I take all our leave together except for odd days. And most if not all of that leave if with the children as well. Usually 2 weeks in summer, 1 week at Christmas, 1 week either October holidays or spring holidays, and other odd days for long week-ends and covering sickness days etc. I kind of thought that was 'standard'..

BackforGood · 31/05/2018 22:49

When ours were little, dh never took random days in the school holidays, no - as you suggest, I was home with them anyway.
He'd take his holiday when we went away in the Summer, when he took Scouts away (incl our dc when they got to that age), and at Christmas - could be up to 2 weeks then, depending on how the days fell. He'd save 'spare days' he had left to cover times such as dcs' INSET days when I (as a teacher) wouldn't be able to book leave. Seems sensible division of parenting to me.

C0untDucku1a · 31/05/2018 22:53

I teach but my golidays dont always match my childrens. Dh takes time off to cover when im working and theyre off. The rest of his time off is during the holidays. He is havingg two dats off for download next weekend or whenever it is.

Pollaidh · 31/05/2018 23:14

I work PT, DH full time. DH takes off at least 3.5 weeks a year on actual holidays away with us, usually more. The rest of the school holidays it's me, or a holiday club which runs 8-5. He will often take a day or two off in the additional school holidays, and we all go and do something together. Both of us leave days spare in case of child illness, then at the end of the year have a day or two together, without DC, to do house stuff or have a lazy bed/restaurant day.

Thehop · 31/05/2018 23:17

He’ll spend his days off having sex but not joining in family stuff???? Erm!!! No!!!!

Original poster
user1483390742 · 31/05/2018 23:34

Ok, so he is away tonight. When he gets back tomorrow, we are going to have a chat...

OP posts:
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