To believe there is nothing I can do to change situation with neighbour

[CantankerousCamel]

A bit of background (massively reduced)
We move into council property
Neighbour moves in 2 years later
Suddenly we start getting inspections, council on our case all the time, everything we do is ‘reported back’ Mostly heavily exaggerated and ludicrous. We were reported once for having sex at 10.30pm on a Sunday night.

Anyway. This has gone on now for 4 years, when the council route proved ineffective they reported us to the police for drugs, parties, child abuse, social services, the schools, everyone you can imagine.

Around 3 years ago, the neighbours parked their vehicle on the one-laned access road that services both properties (and the others on the lane) where they shouted abuse at me while I prepared my bike to go to the gym, they then claimed I deliberated scratched them with my bike and then scratched their car. Bizarrely this matter went to court, I was given references from police, probation office (I worked there as a volunteer) and the school. I was found not guilty (of course)

Things claimed down (court case was two years ago)

Various reports apparently kept coming to the police and council. Told the police that unless they had a warrant, not to come to the house as visits were obviously spurring things on. In the end I had to put in a complaint to the council (after asking for 6 months respite to raise my just born daughter) and accused them of not allowing me my human rights to a private family life.

This seemed to work for a while, for the last few months I have been dealing with serious bipolar depression and raising my (now 10 month old) daughter and sons.

Now the council are back on my case, two phone calls last week, an email this week, telling me I’ve been having a bonfire with old kitchen cupboards (I have not, I still have them) asking me if my cooker is new as it’s ‘Making the neighbours wall hot’ telling me my children playing in the garden is ‘damaging their fence’

It’s just utter madness.

The neighbours have no life, they spend their whole existence living in the lounge room while the children are upstairs (hence why they get a bit more disturbance than normal because of course people are awake different times in the lounge) they report me for anything they can think of.

It’s really, really tiresome...

AIBU to carry on living my life? I’m not sure anything I change would be enough for them, they seem to want me to have no visitors (they complained I had visitors the day I gave birth here, the visitors were midwives) and to play music in the garden when we are out there otherwise we have our conversations listened to and repeated back to us?

I am SICK of it but beyond ignoring them (which doesn’t seem to be working) I just don’t know what else to do?!

Someone should not be able to buy a council house if they plan to rent it out . I wonder if there is a time you have to own it before you can do that,like there is until you can sell it?

Tiddler what is ‘arbration’?

Thanks for the shelter link PP, I will cal them

Blueeyed I don’t think there is but even if there was, it would be 5 years like reselling and we have no plans to rent or move in that time.

Hi OP, I completely sympathise. Have NC just in case - I work for an LA and we have a resident exactly like that. They seem to want everyone moved out of the block or something, it's unhinged behaviour, but the council have a duty to investigate every complaint, regardless. It's bloody tiring for us and I know absolutely exhausting for the residents being targeted.

We are in the process of making them a vexatious complainant (which will just mean they have one designated person they can speak to complaints will not automatically be given merit) but it's with the legal team and is appearing to be a LONG process. But apparently there only need to be 2 or 3 complaints not upheld in a short space of time to do this (unfortunately our complainer spaces them out just nicely and seems to know the system well). They don't even just complain about neighbours but us ourselves for not doing what they seem to want and removing residents at their say so!

I would suggest a strongly worded official complaint, going through each stage until you need to go the ombudsmen, and with as much supporting evidence as you can gather to leave them in no doubt you are being unduly harassed. Unfortunately as HO's, we know exactly what is going on, but legal and other departments drag things on and all the while you're in the middle suffering.

It's a rubbish system

I have already made one formal complaint against the council, you’re right perhaps it is time for another

If you have made one formal complaint and are not happy with the outcome, tell them it's now stage 2, move things along and keep on at them. I know it's hard when you just want it to stop, but from the sound of it your neighbour is like our resident and they will not give up until you are gone or they are made to by an authority. You won't be able to reason with them or get along because they are not reasonable people.

As they say, the noisy wheel gets the grease. You need to be the noisy wheel now instead of your neighbour.

Neighbour I think you’re right. I do also think though, that this is the last summer we will be council tenants so that might make a difference?

If you will be a leaseholder you will still be beholden to the council and they will still investigate (albeit through the leasehold team and asb rather than a housing officer) and could risk your lease just as much as your current tenancy. If it will be freehold it would probably be a bit different, more likely they'd need police to back them, which they'd quickly get sick of. But we don't deal with freehold here so I can't really give accurate advice on that. I'd like to think you're right though.

Sorry to hear you’re having issues with your neighbours. Not letting them know they are getting to you removes the oxygen from their flames. Your reaction is their entertainment.

We will let it probably and move abroad for a while - all standard mortgages have written into their terms and conditions that you cannot do this. You have to swap to a buy to let mortgage. Not to do so is mortgage fraud.

All houses here are leased to the cathedral, I’m not sure they could have another lease on top of that

Sayhello

Okay well then we will let the kids live there and move abroad for a while.

Regardless we are buying the house, the moving and renting comment was regarding one comment about not being able to sell because the neighbour was how they are.

say

I have been following exactly this recently, not showing any reaction, not letting it get to me, tbh I’ve been so embroiled in having new baby and crippling depression that it’s not been hard to just pretend they don’t exist.

It isn’t lost on me that now I am feeling better, they have decided to behave in this way.

I live in HA and I've been having problems with stuff on my (very small) estate. I'm not the only one, others have complained and we had a brief respite last year when the HA sent everyone on the estate letters - despite knowing which three families it was causing all the problems - telling us x, y and z would happen if a, b and c weren't done. The issues stopped for about a week and then we were back to the beginning again. I'm on Homeswapper, but it's difficult to get anyone to want to swap because of the issues here. Then a friend told me about home transfer which is a way of being moved into an available property within your own HA or council. You need a reason, generally health or similar, a letter from your doctor and then you'll be be able to see which properties are available each week and "bid" for them.

Given your mental health issues, I am sure you would be able to do this. It's shit that you have to, but it seems that years of abuse have not been taken seriously by anyone and you should not have to live like this. Nobody should.

I realise that. Just something I picked out on reading through your comments. I thought you could do with one less thing for them to report you for.
I don’t have anything useful to add just that the way to wind up people like that the most is pretend they do not bother you.

sayhello that is not necessarily the case, it depends in the lender. When we went abroad and rented our house out, we just needed to notify the lender to get an official permission letter, and our mortgage was then increased by 1% after six months.

Say
Yes, unfortunately it seems that they have extraordinary staying power, much to do with the fact they have absolutely nothing to do from one day to the next.

You call this house 'my happy place'. How in god's name can it be a happy place? I could not live with that tension for a week, it sounds horrible.

You talk of having to move your children to other bedrooms, injunctions, cameras, Mediation, court cases, being watched, shouted at, abused, your kids shouted at and harrassed.... yet it's a happy place?? Your pain threshold must be very very low.

Imagine what it would be like to live somewhere without this? The peace, the relief, the tranquility.

I have no idea why you wouldn't move. These people are obviously disturbed, it will never get better. However much you zone out, it will not stop or improve, your kids lives will be affected, it is not a happy place, it sounds an awful place to me... sorry to be so blunt

Honestly they can’t touch us, so many happy times
I had my daughter in this house... after losing my first daughter I can’t tell you the feeling!

When we think about moving it makes us sad

Also it will cost a thousand to move and we will lose our input into the house. It’s judt not that simple

Well.... only you can weigh up the pros and cons. I could not live like that... being spied on, harrassed, I'd worry for my mental health and that of my children. I'm mentally very strong but this would affect me greatly and my home would not be my haven but it would feel like a prison, and not knowing what will happen the minute I walk out the door, or open the post, or answer the phone would be too much for me to live with.

Good luck

It certainly doesn’t feel like a prison and the children are older now and starting to realise its all nonsense

You never know what you’ll be swapping into for a start

OP YANBU

There is nothing you can do to change this situation with the neighbour.

Littlecaf
Yep, I agree... seems that whatever I do, they will be just as they have been and I’m best off forgetting any pipedreams of it going away