To think the police let people down?!

[hattiesmumm]

Last night a friend of mine who lives a few doors down was beaten up by her husband. He’s always been abusive. He has a name for himself as a “hard man” in town, and no one would mess with him. They have two small children who are best friends with my two.

Anyway it was kicking off with him screaming at her, and the babies screaming at him to stop/stop shouting and generally crying. It was fucking awful. I could hear it in my bedroom with my fan on. I looked out the window and saw the oldest daughter (5) run across the road to the neighbor and ask for help. That’s when I rang the police. It took them over an hour to turn up. By then my friend and her kids had drove off. I tried numerous times to get her into my house but understandably she wanted to get away. Iv texted her and rang her and she’s safe, but she said the man hurt their youngest child.

I feel physically sick.

The police turned up, went and spoke to him and then left laughing and joking with him.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t slept being worried.

I've learnt that it's far better to be pally pally with someone, keep them relaxed, build up a rapport, than it is to go in all guns blazing. It doesn't mean it's genuine, it's just a tactic to stop the situation escalating unnecessarily.

I’d put money on this being the case. In all public serving jobs where you might be on a hostile environment you have to apply this tactic.

What did you want them to do OP? Nobody was accusing the guy of anything, the victim wasn’t even at the scene. What were they meant to do exactly?

There is a safeguarding issue, this needs to be reported to the children duty social worker. This is important, not only for these children but for children of any other woman he associates with

I find the saddest aspect of this post is that a woman has her children living with a man known for his violence :(

Sorry for what's happened to your friend OP - is she safe now? Must be so frightening.

And to the poster who said she didnt like children over 2 being called babies - is that really what is pertinent in this post? You need to get your priorities straight.... what an odd comment for a post about the abuse of a woman and her child.

have people been watching Ambulance? more calls than available resources all the time, its exactly the same situation for the police, judgement calls have to be made, and whilst this is a dreadful situation a woman being assaulted and children present, its probable that the police knew the woman was no longer at the scene and not in imminent danger so downgraded the incident, if the situation had been more serious then ambulance and police would have been called again and sent. The attending police on the ground do not make the decision of when to attend, they are sent to jobs

complain via the ballot box and the downgrading of police services, ambulance, NHS etc its a disgrace

OP I hope your friend is safe, makes a complaint to the police so the arsehole is arrested, and mostly she does not put herself and her children at risk by going back to him

999 calls are categorised and emergency services will attend the call they deem most important at the time. Because your neighbour and her DC fled the scene, this automatically put them in a lower category. Had they still been in the house, I imagine the police would have attended sooner.

The fact they were leaving in a jovial manner means very little, as PP’s have pointed out. He sounds like a very big and dangerous man, the last thing the unarmed police need is to escalate things further.

Oh and I’m loving the victim blaming from a PP ‘what is she doing to protect her children from this abusive man’ . Pretty certain she isn’t choosing to be in this situation.

I work very closely with law enforcement in the UK and can tell you that on one night they might be dealing with stabbings, murders, firearms/shootings, modern day slavery, sexual assaults etc etc. If all of the previous were happening and the police were entirely utilised with no officers left to respond at that particular moment, which of the previous would you deprioritise to deal with your friend? It's shit, but don't blame the police. Blame the cuts that our government have made and the time wasters who call the police for mindless reasons. The police can't just magic up more officers, it's a long and complex process and there just aren't enough of them. At the end of the day, if your friend had left the scene, the police will have done a risk assessment and deemed that they had other more urgent calls to take. Hopefully they will deal with the aftermath in an appropriate manner and your friend will receive the help she needs.

lifebeginsatgin

So you think it’s fine to leave a 14 year old child with her 6”4 father who is drunk, violent (has just punched her) and 2 hours away from home at 11pm? Who has a history of repeatedly punching, kicking, running over with a car and holding his ex wife’s head against an aga plate? That’s fine for you? I don’t know exactly what their protocol is, no, but come on they could’ve taken me to the station until the morning or taken him or ANYTHING but leave me in a seriously dangerous and frightening situation.

The most professional way to deal with a suspect who’s being arrested (if indeed he was as it’s not 100% clear) is in a way where no one gets hurt. If that involves using a bit of banter then it’s better than him kicking off.

I also agree with this. Much as it’s not pleasant, the police have to take the path of least resistance while dealing with a potentially violent suspect, for public safety and for their own.

Also the having a laugh and a joke thing... I've found myself in a position through my job where I've had to laugh and joke with paedophiles, murderers, rapists etc. It's sometimes necessary to calm a situation. We don't like doing it, trust me!

As I said before, I hope your friend receives the help she needs. Sounds like she's lucky to have you.

So he's known for being violent. He's presumably abused her before. The children have been forced to remain in an abusive household but it's the polices fault?

Have you reported your friend and partner to SS previously for the abuse the children are suffering living in that environment?

Op your neighbour needs to call the police each and every time it kicks off
Re the police being pally with an abuser - I can’t tell you how awful that feels as the victim
Leaves you feeling a million times worse and like they won’t believe you next time you need them
Especially because the perpetrator thinks he has ‘got the police on my side’. And ‘see even the police don’t believe you/ think your lying ‘ etc etc
That was used to beat me verbally and physically

It's sad it took so long but public service funding has been ruined by successive governments.

What we need is to either
1.pay the same level of tax and realise we aren't going to get the service we need.

1. Pay more tax and get better services

Another for not police blaming. The Tories made massive cuts. People are dying because of this. Other industries strike to raise awareness of cuts and hopefully trigger action. Police are by law not allowed to strike as they work for the crown. Meanwhile private security firms are given contracts and they have no powers and beyond useless.

Heatherjayne1972

She may "need" to but it is not always possible.

It sounds like the OP's friend has got to the situation were she is able to send her DD for help, and possibly even primed the NDNs that its happening. Other than leave (and its not that easy) I don't know what else she can do.

The clue is in your message... He’s always been abusive. Then why on earth is your friend still with him? Police have probably had multiple calls from that address and still the couple stay together. Violence is not acceptable in any shape or form but the "adults" need to take the lead and separate. Your friend needs encouragement to leave and not let herself and the kids be abused anymore.

Having watched 4 police officers enter my NDN property after calling them for DV, i can say now that going in guns blazing solves the square root of sod all. Officers palling it out with blokes keen to throw punches is by far the safest option. Doesn't mean they aren't doing their job, they're just doing it in a way that minimises any more kicking off.

Here we have no local police anymore. Our nearest is 40 minutes away & covers a phenomenal distance; we have basically been told by our local council not to ring 999 unless it is life or death. Burglary, antisocial behaviour, criminal damage has all risen here now because of it. That isn't the fault of the police officers slogging their arses off day in day out, putting their lives at risk. It's them up top who prioritise their own wage packet increases & their rich friends over the safety of joe bloggs

The police are so thin on the ground these days there are not enough of them to respond to all the calls. I can tell you that 10 years ago there was a full room of officers for a night duty etc now there’s about 10 on a good night. It’s terrible. Lots of calls get downgraded that shouldn’t and no one can cope.
The police officers would have heard what went on from the husband. If the wife makes an allegation they have to arrest him. Hopefully she will today.
All you can do is support you neighbour and call as soon as anything starts. It’s good that you did call as many neighbours often aren’t willing to get involved.

All public services are stretched and underfunded. However every dealing I’ve had with the police as a victim of crime and as a witness to crime has been shocking and unprofessional. They’ve only been human when there was a death of a family member, though I wouldn’t say they were caring, just not total arseholes. I hope your friend has the support she needs to be able to get this scumbag away from her and dc.

A 'bit of banter' yes of course that's the best way to deal with it. Especially when it's in front of the victim like the situation I described. And then leads to further violence as a result because the aggressor knows they have nothing to fear from the police.

I don't believe the police in general take DV seriously. If I was waiting for the police to do something about my Ex I would still be waiting now. You can't blame the courts. It's the fact a lot of men are never even charged. It never gets anywhere near a court. It disgusts me.

There seems to be a very 1970s attitude still in the police to offences against women by men known to them like DV, stalking etc. My friend was stalked by an Ex. He imprisoned her in her home once for several hours after coming up behind her and bundling her through the door as she let herself in. Followed her everywhere. Sat outside her place of work for 8 hours a day. The police wouldn't even take a report of it.

Because it's all boys together. Yet if you're not 'one of the lads' and you commit a crime even if you're mentally and physically unwell you get forcibly cuffed and dragged to a car. Because you might be a threat. Yet the guy who's walloped his wife is just a good old boy.

It makes me sick.

Im happy to vote conservative and we happy with the Police. Yes they are under resourced and have to prioritise jobs.

You're happy because you don't think you'll need to use this resource and you don't care about those who do.

Velvet That's your experience and it's awful, I agree. But that's not everyone's experience. It's wrong to tar every officer with the same brush.

I also agreed that the best way to deal with any suspect no matter what they have done is to be friendly and kind and if that means engaging in a bit of banter and a laugh to make a hard job easier or to keep the situation calm so be it. If you are hostile or judgemental it can really escalate a situation or the suspect will kick off. I can also assure you they don’t like doing it.

There's a massive drive to improve DV handling in police forces at the minute. Can only be a good thing.

As for the banter happening in front of the victim...the one & only time i called the police on one of my exes they turned up heavy handed (he had threatened me with a knife, so justified). The result of their heavy handedness? He grabbed hold of me, stuck the knife to my throat & told them if they didn't piss off he'd 'make sure every drop of blood was on their hands'

Yeah personally i'd rather they handled it the way they did with my NDN; they kept him chatting whilst they got her safe. The key difference in OPs post also is that the victim was NOT in the house.

We have the public services we deserve.

And the laws we can afford.