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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the police let people down?!

119 replies

hattiesmumm · 31/05/2018 06:38

Last night a friend of mine who lives a few doors down was beaten up by her husband. He’s always been abusive. He has a name for himself as a “hard man” in town, and no one would mess with him. They have two small children who are best friends with my two.

Anyway it was kicking off with him screaming at her, and the babies screaming at him to stop/stop shouting and generally crying. It was fucking awful. I could hear it in my bedroom with my fan on. I looked out the window and saw the oldest daughter (5) run across the road to the neighbor and ask for help. That’s when I rang the police. It took them over an hour to turn up. By then my friend and her kids had drove off. I tried numerous times to get her into my house but understandably she wanted to get away. Iv texted her and rang her and she’s safe, but she said the man hurt their youngest child.

I feel physically sick.

The police turned up, went and spoke to him and then left laughing and joking with him.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t slept being worried.

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 31/05/2018 08:34

Some of the other stories on here are inexcusable though

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 31/05/2018 08:35

Police are seriously overstretched, budgets and numbers cut repeatedly its actually quite scary. Sometimes, same as with the ambulance service there is simply nobody free to deal with a situation, its shocking

This sounds a horrible situation but if she had left the scene, which was a sensible thing to do, they cant prove anything against him, hopefully she will go and report him for assault and they can arrest him.

zsazsajuju · 31/05/2018 08:40

These stories of police response to Dv are awful. Clearly the police are letting survivors of dv down - not in every case but at least in some. All the trolls saying “the police are stretched” in response to a post like this want to have a word with themselves.

senioritabonita · 31/05/2018 08:40

Yanbu

StayingAtTamaras · 31/05/2018 08:40

@ShatnersWig sounds like the woman and child had left before the police arrived... no need to sound so sceptical

senioritabonita · 31/05/2018 08:41

The police are stretched but many also do not take do seriously and see it as ‘fighting’ not serious abuse.

Fattymcfaterson · 31/05/2018 08:42

I don't care how fucking stretched they are. What crimes are more important that someone potentially getting beaten to death?
I always see police near mine in wait for speeding cars.
Priorities

tiredvommachine · 31/05/2018 08:42

Yay. Another Police bashing thread.
Hope I come home safely from my shift today to be with my own babies.
Successions of budget cuts have caused this, not uninterested officers.

agedknees · 31/05/2018 08:43

We have the public services we deserve. We voted for lower taxes, whinge about what we pay.

Decent, effective policing needs decent staffing levels. Same as in the health service.

Frontline staff are stretched so badly, it really is the thin blue line.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/05/2018 08:46

YANBU. An hour to turn up that's shocking.
Anything could have happened in that time.
Oh and a bloke who'll beat up a women none less that the mother of his children is far from a "hard man. If a bloke stood up to him hed shit himself. Be under no illusions. Those poor poor babies.
I just pray this women does not go back to him.

scurryfunge · 31/05/2018 08:48

Fatty, someone actually getting beaten to death will be more of a priority than someone potentially getting beaten to death.

MrsJayy · 31/05/2018 08:49

Your neighbour wasn't there hopefully she will be ok to go to the police herself. The police laughing and joking is to keep a situation calm I think not that they are dismissing what happened,I imagine it looked awful though

greendale17 · 31/05/2018 08:49

He’s always been abusive.

^So what is your friend doing to protect her kids from this man that has always been abusive????

LifeBeginsAtGin · 31/05/2018 08:50

1) check his record for years of DV 2) do a breathalyser as he was smashed (and on weed with his charming gf and a 1 month old baby) and 3) begged them to take me back to my mother's (she was away on holiday but my 20 year old brother was home, it was a 2 hour drive and brother couldn't drive. Plus 11pm no trains).

  1. They will have checked his record as a matter of course
  2. They only breathalyse people suspected of drink driving - your DF was in the house 3)The Police are not a taxi service.
Deshasafraisy · 31/05/2018 08:50

The police didn’t let her down. The Tory government has let her down by stripping away the polices funding making them overstretched and unable to operate efficiently.

VelvetSpoon · 31/05/2018 08:50

Plenty of police officers don't take DV seriously. I called the police on my Ex (when we were still together) several times. They told me even though I had been assaulted that no crime had been committed. They refused to tell him to leave the house for the night because he had nowhere to go (a lie). They laughed and joked with him and after they left he would spit on me and tell me how worthless I was and how the police could see that and were laughing at me.

It's nothing to do with resourcing. This is more about attitude.

I was also assaulted once by s pub bouncer. I tried to report this to a passing officer. He told me to be a good girl and go home if I knew what was good for me Angry

I had to report an incident to the police recently. It wasn't logged correctly despite speaking to an officer (who called me back after I phoned the non emergency number). Basic details like my address and the other persons address weren't even noted. It wasn't properly categorised for a follow up. Because none of the paperwork was correctly completed in the first place.

Conversely, I do know a couple of people who have been arrested by the police for relatively minor crime, cuffed (despite being entirely co operative and it not being a violent offence) because the 6 police officers in attendance thought they might present a threat. Paperwork lost. Detained in a cell overnight because they were a possible suicide risk (when it was their prolonged detention in a cell in the first place that was making them anxious. So overnight just made it worse).

There are probably some good police put there. Sadly I've not met any.

OohMavis · 31/05/2018 08:51

We have the public services we deserve.

Ain't that the truth. I hope everyone on this thread who's unhappy about police response times didn't vote Conservative.

I hope your friend stays safe OP.

SoddingUnicorns · 31/05/2018 08:52

At the risk of sounding like a twat, there are good officers and bad officers. Like in any job. Budget cuts have had a huge impact on morale, on timings of getting to incidents and of whether incidents are taken further.

Good cops will always try their best. Bad ones won’t. I’ve encountered both.

XH was never convicted for years of assaults on me, they didn’t even try.
The kid who repeatedly attacked DS1 had no action taken, forcing us to sell up and move house to keep him safe.
So aye, I’m pretty disillusioned with the police. I know there are decent cops, the ones who investigated and got a conviction for my friend’s murder were awesome.

The ones who put my friend’s door in based on “intelligence” from her abusive ex and MIL and tried to bully her until they realised I was in the house, not so much.

A dickhead is a dickhead whether they’re wearing a badge or not I guess is what I’m trying to say.

worridmum · 31/05/2018 09:00

If you want better police times STOP FUCKING VOTING TORIES that hate all state run jobs so idological slash everything to the bone and in a ideal workd would have private companies running the police fire service etc paid only by local people.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 31/05/2018 09:02

Im happy to vote conservative and we happy with the Police. Yes they are under resourced and have to prioritise jobs.

With All due respect the police can't be on every street corner waiting to arrive immediately. If a DV woman repeated returns to her abusive husband what do you want the police to do??

We all have to take measures to keep ourselves and our property safe

Urubu · 31/05/2018 09:02

Also I’m sorry not relevant but I can’t stand wheb people call children over 2 babies
Great contribution, thank you Hmm

kierenthecommunity · 31/05/2018 09:02

The ones who put my friend’s door in based on “intelligence” from her abusive ex and MIL

You mean on a warrant? A magistrate decides if they can go ahead, and I imagine they need more info that just gossip from an ex and his mum

ShatnersWig · 31/05/2018 09:07

@Staying Apologies, I somehow missed that bit. But then that proves the point. If the friend and children had gone, then the police witnessed no one in distress, no one with marks or cuts. What are they supposed to have done?

Yes, in an ideal world they should be there quicker but sadly, that doesn't happen. There's no point, however, slating these officers for "laughing and joking" with this guy. 1) There was no evidence of a crime that had been reported. 2) As actual officers have said on this thread, it's often the best way to deal with a certain situation anyway.

endofthelinefinally · 31/05/2018 09:08

In over 50 years I have had my share of crime including mugging, kidnapping, robbery, burglary and serious road rage. My child was seriously injured by a dangerous driver.
Every single incident demonstrated sheer incompetence.
The only positive experience I have ever had with the police was the kindness of the officers who came to tell me my son was dead.
It is awful.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 31/05/2018 09:14

Those who are saying response times aren't quick enough, or that the police don't try hard enough - sign up to your local force to go on a Ride Along scheme, then apply to be a special constable to help them out.

The first shift I did as an observer saw the specials (voluntary police officers - fully trained and sworn in police officers with full powers, working voluntarily alongside their regular jobs/university etc.) outnumber the regular paid officers 2:1.

The second shift I observed I saw two single crewed officers be the only officers on duty to cover 250 square miles.

The third shift I observed I got sent home early because it was too dangerous. The officers were going after a guy who was armed and on the run for attempted murder. They were putting themselves in harm's way armed with a baton and some pava spray without the back up of a helicopter or dog units and knowing that armed response were 70 rural miles away (very different to urban miles in terms of travel time).

Before you criticise what these people do, walk in their shoes. Go and experience the risks and challenges they face and the difference they make whilst working with the budget cuts, the reduction in officer numbers. Watch them risk their lives for pay freezes and pension cuts. The problem isn't the police officers, it's higher up - just like it is with the ambulance service and the fire service.