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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parenting wobble on hols. Is my 7 yr old unreasonable

72 replies

Shiteholiday1 · 31/05/2018 00:06

Having the worst holiday. Staying in my dad’s caravan. Lovely when kids were younger but seems to be very stressful now. kids congregate in gangs on their bikes and my 7 yr old ds is not getting along well. Constant arguing. He will not keep his mouth shut when he disagrees with something and they all gang up against him.

I’m trying to look at things rationally. He is my child and I adore him but I would probably have found him irritating as a child however he’s never wrong in what he says. I’m not sure how to handle it.

Today he is public enemy number 1. I bought him a boomerang. Stupidly. He was having a nice time with one child before a huge group congregated taking over it. He ran in to tell me and I told him to share nicely hoping he would make more friends They then started throwing it on roofs of buildings and climbing up to get it. He started ranting that it was going to get lost, that they were going to hurt themselves on the roof. I marched out and took it off them completely fed up. He’s never wrong in what he says technically and I admire that he sticks up for what he believes but god, he makes himself unpopular. I am starting to hate these holidays. Help.

OP posts:

Bambamber · 31/05/2018 00:09

So you're upset because your child is unpopular because he is sensible and sticks by what he thinks is right?

KyloRenaissance · 31/05/2018 00:09

...but he was sticking up for himself against a group who were throwing his boomerang on roofs.

Doesn't sound like he was being annoying

Wildlingofthewest · 31/05/2018 00:10

Surely he’s just feeling his way with social boundaries? He’s only 7! Does he have siblings? It sounds like he’s struggling to interact on the right level when in a group situation. Does he do any clubs or sports or anything outside of school where’s he’s with his peers in a social setting?

UpstartCrow · 31/05/2018 00:16

Those groups of children are loose affiliations of kids that know they will never see each other again, not real friendship groups. If there's one or more children that are prepared to push the group into behaving badly, they will do it, because there are no consequences.

Your son has strong boundaries and doesn't give in to peer pressure, so try to praise him for that and don't leave him to it, because he will feel like he has to police the other kids.
Instead of leaving him to it, take him out and do stuff together.

Witchend · 31/05/2018 00:18

Is that the only case? Because that sounds fair enough.
He didn't want his toy to get lost. The other children may have just been having fun, but actually it sounds like they were ganging up on him and being fairly nasty in winding him up.

It's perfectly reasonable for the owner of a toy to say "hey, don't do that because I don't want it to get lost."

BackforGood · 31/05/2018 00:21

I agree with others.
In terms of 'WWYD?', I'd have a few days when he wasn't just 'hanging about with the other dc'. Go out somewhere together - walking, exploring a nearby town, visiting somewhere of interest, etc. Give him a break from the dc he is struggling to fit in with at the moment.

MakeItRain · 31/05/2018 00:21

I know this doesn't help you really as you're feeling stressed and having to manage it all, but he sounds fantastic!

Not many 7 year olds could stick up for themselves like that, and the fact that he was also concerned for their safety while they were being annoying and throwing his boomerang in places where they shouldn't is amazing.

I would just suggest he sticks with the kids he gets on with and backs away from the kids who don't respect him or his things. I think if he comes to you and says his toys have been taken I wouldn't encourage him to "share" with these children. Encourage him to leave them alone and seek out other friends if that's what he wants to do.

To answer your question, no, he's not unreasonable!

Pinga · 31/05/2018 00:23

He sounds a lot like a friends son. Lovely, technically right but actually rather irritating...........and hopelessly unpopular. Not saying your son is but friends son (and mine actually) are on the Autistic spectrum.

Maybe you could go out for the day tomorrow? Do some exploring to give you both a break from these kids? I hope the rest of the week is better x

Socrates73 · 31/05/2018 00:24

He sounds reasonable in this example though, he had a new toy and kids took it and were being nasty. Why shouldn't he be upset?
Maybe try going for days out or making your own family entertainment, it doesn't sound like your ds wants to be in "the gang" don't force it!

Original poster

Shiteholiday1 · 31/05/2018 00:24

No I am torn between telling him well done for standing up for himself in such a large group or telling him to lighten up cos it is not doing him any favours. He wants friends to play with and he is not making them. He has an older sibling with learning difficulties who is having a fab holiday - they are very docile and will go along with the group. I would ban them from playing out actually had it not been for sibling who is gaining confidence from it.

He goes to beavers. Has a few close friends at school but not lots. He is being bullied by 2 older children at school. School aware and say he is not the only victim and that ds is one of few that always stands up to them.

OP posts:

Pinga · 31/05/2018 00:24

Oooh and heartily agreeing with what Make it rain said x

SpinMill · 31/05/2018 00:27

I'm struggling to understand why you think he's BU, sounds like a pretty miserable holiday for him too imo, being left to hang out in 'gangs', then having his toy taken away from him for not giving in to his peers.
Why not take him somewhere/do something with him yourself.

Original poster

Shiteholiday1 · 31/05/2018 00:46

Thanks Make it rain, he does make me laugh even though my blood pressure has been rising day by day. We are here until Sunday. God help us. Taken them out most of the day today hence the buying of said boomerang. Took about 40 minutes outside for it all to kick off.

No it is not the only example to who asked. There’s been an incident most days. Yesterday a popular child slightly cut his knee in the morning. In the afternoon, a child suggested a catch game. Child with cut knee said he didn’t want to because of his knee. Ds told him that made no sense because his knee injury did not affect his arms and hands and they had been running around. Cut knee child says he is horrible and all the others jumped in to agree and all walked away from him. I thought ds was right technically but no need to say it surely?

OP posts:

Bibesia · 31/05/2018 01:23

You're on holiday, chances are you'll never see these kids again. Your child is hardly going to make friends for life with them anyway, and they do seem to be ganging up on him. Be glad that he's not wasting time with them.

RedDwarves · 31/05/2018 01:29

Poor kid.

Why would you want to encourage him to shut up and get along with/make friends with kids who are clearly being mean to him?

I wonder whether you're more concerned about your image here than you are about his happiness.

Original poster

Shiteholiday1 · 31/05/2018 01:36

Not at all. Ds wants to make friends. He follows his older sibling out to play by choice. I’m trying to help him and I’m not sure how to hence why I posted here.

OP posts:

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 31/05/2018 01:36

Exactly what Spin Mill has said.
YABVU. Stand up for your poor boy for goodness sake. He's already being bullied at school, and has learnt to stand up for himself. Its rotten that he's being bullied on holiday too.
He sounds very intelligent for a 7 year old and whilst you admit he has a point, in every example you are saying he shouldn't have said it and its a real drag that he's having these problems with these other kids ( who sound horrible by the way)
He's 7, in a caravan holiday with "gangs" of kids he doesn't know who are taking his toys and chucking it on the roof when he asks then not to and not letting him play with them.
Of course he was right and not just "technically" about the cut knee boy said. And who cares if this other kid is "popular" it doesn't mean your son has to let this kid walk all over him, which they did. You should be fed up with these kids, not your boy.
Why do the other kids have the right to speak their minds, and not him?
Does he really have to spend the rest of the week dealing with that and their constant rejection of him? How utterly miserable for him.
Playing with these other kids is not working, I'd be taking him out of that situation as much as possible.

vinegarqueen · 31/05/2018 01:40

Why are you so bothered about which children are popular, when what is important to your ds is personal integrity? Your son had a good point with both the boomerang and with cut knee child.

As for school, plenty of children do very well with just a couple of close friends, and he might be less likely to be peer pressured into risky behaviour in his teens if his personality doesn't change very much going into secondary.

AjasLipstick · 31/05/2018 01:56

Are they all a bit older than him OP?

Original poster

Shiteholiday1 · 31/05/2018 02:15

Yes the main ones are older at least 10 but there are younger than ds in the group. I don’t care about who is popular ffs. I just want ds to be happy and I don’t know how to help him. I admitted I am having a parenting wobble. My older child is very vulnerable and has lead me to question everything I have ever done and still do. Thank you so much to those who have offered advice. I am listening.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 31/05/2018 02:23

Entertain him yourselves if he isn't getting on with the other kids.

SickofPeterRabbit · 31/05/2018 03:34

Stop forcing him to join gangs of kids and encourage him to be himself!

Poor boy :(

differentnameforthis · 31/05/2018 03:48

He will not keep his mouth shut when he disagrees with something Why should be? he is allowed to disagree with something, the others are the ones who should be being told off for "ganging up" on him.

You told him to share his new toy nicely, after kids took it off him? Would you share your car nicely if someone came and took the keys off you?

You seem more worried about him being unpopular than you do about his feelings!!!

differentnameforthis · 31/05/2018 03:52

The no-filter thing, and the saying it how it is do sound reminiscent of ASD as a pp said.

RedDwarves · 31/05/2018 04:14

The no-filter thing, and the saying it how it is do sound reminiscent of ASD as a pp said.

Or of children, in general.

Children have no filters. That's kind of an accepted thing.

But this isn't "no filtering". It's him seeing something he doesn't agree with, or that isn't right, and saying so. Nowt wrong with it.

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