Parenting wobble on hols. Is my 7 yr old unreasonable

[Shiteholiday1]

Having the worst holiday. Staying in my dad’s caravan. Lovely when kids were younger but seems to be very stressful now. kids congregate in gangs on their bikes and my 7 yr old ds is not getting along well. Constant arguing. He will not keep his mouth shut when he disagrees with something and they all gang up against him.

I’m trying to look at things rationally. He is my child and I adore him but I would probably have found him irritating as a child however he’s never wrong in what he says. I’m not sure how to handle it.

Today he is public enemy number 1. I bought him a boomerang. Stupidly. He was having a nice time with one child before a huge group congregated taking over it. He ran in to tell me and I told him to share nicely hoping he would make more friends They then started throwing it on roofs of buildings and climbing up to get it. He started ranting that it was going to get lost, that they were going to hurt themselves on the roof. I marched out and took it off them completely fed up. He’s never wrong in what he says technically and I admire that he sticks up for what he believes but god, he makes himself unpopular. I am starting to hate these holidays. Help.

The other kids sound horrible. Why are you encouraging your child to hang out with them?

I think he sounds amazing. And the other kids sound a bit horrid actually.

Does he like playing out with them?

I think I'd be keeping my lovely, well behaved child out of their way a bit more tbh. Or just be mithering about to keep an eye on it so you can nip stuff like the boomerang throwing on roofs in the bud.

But don't teach him to bite his tongue when he's right.

He has an older sibling with learning difficulties who is having a fab holiday - they are very docile and will go along with the group

Is this a joke? I hope it is. You are complaining that one of your children doesn't want to blindly follow what a gang of (seemingly nasty) children are doing and praising the child who does. Today the are throwing stuff onto the roof and climbing up to said roof to retrieve it. What if they decide that tomorrow it would be fun to throw stones at the buildings and smash a few windows? Will you still be praising the child who joins in and lamenting the fact your other child won't?

I truly don't understand your reasoning.

He sounds a bit like my dd and you will be so, so glad that you have a child who doesn't give in to peer pressure when he is a teen, I promise you.

Those kids are bullies and it is unfortunate if they are the only children around but you really don't want him to become a bully's best friend.

YABU to encourage long, outdoor “play” sessions with groups of DC your DC don’t know.

What ages are these other DC and how many of them are there?

I had a lot of caravan holidays as DC and these situations can be really difficult for DC. We were not allowed to go off for long unsupervised.

The boomerang, or indeed any toy, was bound to cause trouble, and your 7yo was understandably upset by others’ bulling behaviour over it. Sounds like you didn’t support him on that.

It’s not “making friends”, it’s unsupervised “play” with “gangs” of strangers. It isn’t a good way to widen DS’s social horizons or help him with his social skills. Quite the opposite. Depending on the needs of your elder DC and how the others treat them when DS isn’t around there could be problems for them too.

'those children are bullies'
Nope,they are just children. It is not helpful labeling them all. They are children figuring out social dynamics and you are worried your son isn't getting it. Sounds like he would do better by casting the net a bit further finding one child who he could play with one toobe and leave the complicated group dynamics well alone. These kids may be there together a lot, there may be loads of stuff going on that you don't know, parents friends etc.

So you’d rather your DC blindly follow this gang around while they throw his new toys around?

Good for him for sticking up for himself, if he’s being bullied at school too I feel really sorry for him!

How stressful for your son, who is being bullied at school, to have hang round with 'gangs' of ten year olds on bikes. He's 7! He shouldn't have to share his toy and you should be supporting him. I'm assuming you have a car? Take him into the forest or find a long walk. Don't force him to be 'social' with these kids, who sound vile.

I’d knock the “making friends” with this gang of kids on the head and take my children out somewhere away from them. Anywhere.

My daughter is older than your son but she sounds quite similar- very forthright and able to stand up for herself and tells it like it is. We’re working on the “telling it like it is” (she doesn’t mean any harm and wouldn’t ever intend to upset anyone but she can be a bit blunt at times) however, I’m not prepared to stop her standing up for herself and neither should you with your son.

My youngest child has ASD and learning difficulties. He is lovely but very easily lead. No way would I be happy with him hanging round with a gang of children I don’t know. This particular gang of kids don’t sound very nice either.

Your son sounds brilliant, wise and strong.

Can you get away from the caravan site for a bit, go to a beach or whatever? Get your kids to play with each other for a bit?

I had an only child for 9 years and we went caravaning and I hoped she'd meet 'friends' and never did.

Now she has a much younger sibling and they do manage to play together.

I think family holidays can be great for family bonding.

Making friends with randon kids on the campsite sometimes works for some but it sounds like your son is too young and too sensible for this to work well this year.

Don't worry about your parenting too much, holidays are pressure.

Find some things to do, go swimming if it is raining or out somewhere if fine. Good luck.

I am very concerned that you seem to think that not going along with the group, and voicing his own ideas is a bad thing?? You may have a quiet holiday if your ds plays with the other kids, and acts like a sheep, but you are setting him up for a life where he thinks it is wrong to stand up for what he thinks is right. He was absolutely in the right to be upset that the other kids were throwing the boomerang on the roof...you should have stood up for him ffs. Think of your Son, and his mental/emotional wellbeing. Stop worrying about what the other kids will think.

At 7 years old my child wouldn’t be out in a caravan park on their own playing with children they are never going to see again. Why not put your foot down and say he can’t go out if you’re upset at the way things are going and do stuff together instead?

We always have a Haven break every year, our dc are 14 and 6. They aren’t allowed out on their own, well obviously not the 6 year old but even the 14 year old wasn’t allowed out alone when she was younger (now she pops to the shop on her own etc, she’s not one for hanging out with people anyway). We fill the days with walks, swimming, the beach, arcades, going on day trips etc etc. In the evenings if were too tired to go out for a walk we watch dvds or tv and play board games.

I just wouldn’t let my 7 year old out on his own. Solved everything.

*solves

he will ultimately be happier in the long term with a strong internal set of principles - the key is to teach him to not be rigid with them.

"Think of your Son, and his mental/emotional wellbeing. Stop worrying about what the other kids will think."

Totally agree with @Cherrysherbet.

Also "I am starting to hate these holidays." Make sure you go elsewhere next year. Some things work for some people, realizing you hate the holiday means next time it is time for a change.

The children really do not sound very nice so I;d say it is no real loss for your son if you don't go there again.

Be proud of him and encourage him to stand up for himself.. I have been where you are and my son has never been in the 'gang' and has never wanted to be in the gang either.. he is happy with his little misfit crew and now he is 11 I couldnt be happier.. someone was telling me recently that if a child is sufficiently attached to a parent or both parents they will never have to attach themselves to their peers (all children need that attachment to someone) you should be proud of the parenting you have offered him so far as he doesn't feel he has to conform to bad behaviour.. this can only be a good think for his future.. I know it's frustrating but never encourage him to back down on behavioura he thinks are poor.. well done him.. he sounds like a great kid.. so what the other kids don't like him.. maybe they are not safe enough at home to stand up for themselves

If I was you, I would plan lots of family time, keep him occupied as much as possible and away from these kids. By the sounds of it, he needs time with those who love him the most.

It’s not great that you attribute the problems to your DS’ behaviour rather than that your decision to let your DC “play out” with groups of unknown DC wasn’t a good one given other DCs’ behaviour and group dynamics.

You need to parent your children. Not put them in unsupervised situations where they are learning to follow the crowd, shut up and misbehave. 🙄

When we went caravanning it was usually as a two family group with six DC and the parents, so there were 4 adults to take turns to supervise. Even then my DM says it was hard work on the domestic and supervision front, not a relaxing holiday. The main advantage was obviously the low cost.

I understand what you mean op. What he is doing is good, standing up for himself, calling others out if he sees them misbehaving etc but by doing so he isn't making any friends. It is sometimes easier when they fit in, and are one of the crowd but try be pleased that he knows his own mind- this will be much better than following the crowd when he becomes a teenager.

You’re getting a ridiculously hard time here OP.

I understand what you mean - commenting on the child with the hurt knees ability to play because her arms are working is very literal, the key social skill here is to realise that if they don’t want to play, you can’t force them by pointing out a technicality. It does sound like ASD is something to consider. Is he always this literal? Taking jokes/sarcasm literally, for example?

The other children just sound like a normal group of children. People are so keen to label any child a ‘bully’ for not displaying. Adult levels of tolerance and tact

It sounds like you are frustrated with your child not picking up on social rules and cues like other children his age. The people implying you are ‘not supportive of your son being himself’ are deliberately misinterpreting you to score their own weird points about bullying, just ignore them and they’ll crawl back under their bridges soon enough.

Have you had a chat with him about social groups and how to get on with others?

Not long until Sunday now!

Hopefully you'll all have a breather today with your trip out.

I also like the sound of your son but understand your concerns. Hang in there. He sounds like a strong character that'll do well, he's so very young, once he finds the happy medium he'll fly, you see.

You should be incredibly proud of your son for standing up for himself. If your ds isn’t getting on with the group maybe it’s because he’s not a sheep. Of course he’s right about his boomerang, not so much so about the kid with the cut knee as maybe it hurt and he didn’t want to jump around but he didn’t deserve for them to all have a go at him.

You need to keep an eye on him as it sounds as if he’s being bullied by this herd mentality. I would be equally concerned about your older ds, who is happy to go with the flow and do whatever they want. He is also a large potential target of bullying.

Bottom line, I think you need to take your children out and away from these children so that contact is minimised with them.

It’s not an ASD thing it’s a 7 year old thing ffs.