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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if it's really true that all men watch porn?

97 replies

thetherapy · 30/05/2018 21:27

Can I ask MN, do your DHs or DPs admit to watching porn and is it a problem for you if so?

My DH admits to sometimes watching it when he's away on business, though he says he's only really into the women on women stuff. The issue I have is that when you go on the site, the lesbian / women on women stuff is there yes, but it's alongside other "genres" such as incest porn with a lot of more disturbing stuff literally in your face, plus adverts flashing all over the place for prostitutes etc. I'm not sure how some of the videos are actually legal - e.g. one hour long films depicting dads grooming their supposed teenage daughters. I'm absolutely horrified to be honest at some of it. AIBU to think that when men say that "all men watch porn" this is just an excuse to normalise it? Do all men really watch it? Also how realistic is it that they will really be avoiding the violent / sadistic subjects (ie most of it)?

OP posts:
LeChatDeNuit · 31/05/2018 18:22

I completely agree with you OP. The racist, sexist, misogynistic language used is vile and that’s without all the incest stuff. I hate it.

Moononthehill28 · 31/05/2018 18:33

My Oh never has watched it and has no interest in it. However he has no idea how extreme it can be. I worry about the impact on my children and I hate the whole objectification of women as things to fuck .disgusting. How any woman can feel comfortable with it is beyond me. It’s changing how men treat women very much for the worst. What is more, men who watch it in cultures which do not allow sex before marriage form a very twisted idea of what sex is. Rose is a massive problem in India for example. I wonder if this is because there are a lot of frustrated men watching porn and feeling entitled to a bit of the action.
My daughter was travelling in India and was asked more than once to have a threesome by Indian drivers. She was travelling with a female friend and felt very vulnerable.

Moononthehill28 · 31/05/2018 18:34

Rape not rose!!

Moononthehill28 · 31/05/2018 18:36

How can any man with a daughter watch invest porn what is wrong with them? It makes me sick.

Moononthehill28 · 31/05/2018 18:36

Incest

BarryTheKestrel · 31/05/2018 18:42

I know DH does, but having seen the stuff he watches, both by being there and by internet history, it's all homemade, amateurs, either a couple having very normal sex or a female masturbating, all very clearly filmed by them,not a third party and no obvious corrosion. Obviously you can never be sure but it's about as harm free as you can get.

If I do ever watch porn I go for a similar type, home recording amateurs.

LalaLeona · 31/05/2018 18:48

My husband hates it only watched some vanilla stuff when he was single for a while. He genuinely finds it grim

CopONNotLinkedIn · 31/05/2018 18:50

Incest porn is a THING?

LalaLeona · 31/05/2018 18:52

Imo anyone that watches "incest porn" (and especially if they think its normal) needs help.

Original poster
thetherapy · 31/05/2018 18:53

Moon - I remember travelling around Pakistan in the mid 90s in places where there were no women on the streets. Some cafe in the village had cable tv and at a certain time the streets were suddenly deserted because all the men were over there watching Baywatch! God only knows what they're watching now.

I really worry for the future with teens exposed to all this before they're anywhere near having relationships.

Just as child porn feeds paedophillia, surely incest porn must feed this "fetish" and warp the kind of mind predisposed to this kind of thing, making it more likely that more children and women will experience abuse as a result. The line between fetish and reality is blurred for so many and porn encourages this. I don't understand why certain content is not more strongly regulated?

OP posts:
FrazzledAndFeelingIt · 31/05/2018 18:55

I don’t think I’ve ever been with a guy that doesn’t watch porn.

I’m single now & if I met a guy who said he had no interest in it, I’d assume he was lying to keep me happy.

It wouldn’t keep me happy, I don’t care if they do or don’t.

Dahlietta · 31/05/2018 19:05

Around 90% of women and 99% of men watch porn.

No, this isn't true. The only studies I've ever seen suggest that a very high percentage of people (but not as high as that) have seen porn, which I'm sure is the case. However that's a very big difference from watch porn (present tense). I think it must be a demographic thing. I don't have a single friend, male or female, that I know watches porn (though I accept that some almost certainly do!) and I am always a little incredulous at statements which you always get on these threads like "every man I've ever met watches porn" Does anyone actually ask them? Maybe they do. I suppose I'm as mystified by people whose husbands regularly find the time to watch porn on the internet as their wives are that mine really doesn't.

SlinkyB · 31/05/2018 19:06

My dh doesn't.

WittyJack · 31/05/2018 19:08

My DP doesn't - he just doesn't find it interesting. One ex also didn't (he'd been single for years before me and said it just reminded him of the fact that he wasn't having sex!).

Every other bloke I've been out with did. So that's a purely anecdotal rate of about 80% who watch it.

CaptainBrickbeard · 31/05/2018 19:15

I get so exasperated with the smug, spiteful gloaters who pop up in these threads going “haha, dear, of course your husband watches it!” Just the arrogance of telling people you know their husbands better than them! Yes, of course some men watch it and lie. And virtually everyone has seen pornography at some stage.

But is there anything else you would confidently state “all men...” about? Let me guess - all men don’t see mess. All men can’t multitask. All men are helpless babies that need to be looked after. All men drink pints, all men love football, all men frequent strip clubs? All men watch porn and if they say they don’t, they’re lying.

If you say these things, how reductive and offensive a view you have of men. How very little you think of them. And how pathetic you must be if you take delight in telling women online that they are stupid and gullible to trust and believe their husbands.

Some men won’t watch on religious grounds, some on ethical grounds, some on aesthetic grounds. Some will be previous porn enthusiasts who realised it had a corrosive effect on their lives and gave it up. There will be as many reasons for not watching porn as there are for watching it.

Sure, millions of men do watch it and some of them will pretend they don’t. Some of them will be so addled and warped that they think getting off on incest scenarios is normal and ok. Some will hate women ferociously and watch it to see women degraded, abused and horribly injured.

But there are men who don’t watch it at all. And I really think we should kick against the relentless march to normalise it and claim that every man in the world is endorsing this damaging culture.

siwel123 · 31/05/2018 19:27

@Captain. Well said thank you Smile

Metoodear · 31/05/2018 19:32

It’s not smug but the amount of posts of shocked posters who have caught DH watching porn

Who would of said before that day their DH never watched porn

I don’t believe their are a lot of men who have not watched porn I don’t think all men watching it regularly but they do or have watched it also if you have never seen porn then you don’t really get to comment of the content because you wouldn’t no do you

CaptainBrickbeard · 31/05/2018 19:36

Unfortunately I’m familiar with some pretty terrible pornography content through my job and am aware of things I really wish I wasn’t.

I’m not disputing that virtually everyone has seen it - but there are always people, including someone on this thread, who come on to laugh at and ridicule any woman who says her partner doesn’t watch it. They are smug and they are ignorant and their views are offensive to both women and men.

BettyBeer · 31/05/2018 19:41

Well said Captain Smile

Original poster
thetherapy · 31/05/2018 20:05

Totally agree Captain. Saying "all men watch it" is basically telling women they have to accept it.

The problem is that the more "acceptable" forms if porn are available alongside such reprehensible themes.

Even my husband who is very "principled" in general and would never dream of insulting a woman in real life, has come out with the usual "normalising" crap such as, "it's a multi-billion dollar industry", "probably all men watch it", "some sites are far more regulated than others".

Well if this is one of the regulated sites, god only knows what content is in the unregulated.

OP posts:
Rufustheyawningreindeer · 31/05/2018 20:24

Agree with captain

I have no doubts that as a young man dh has seen porn

As a young woman i saw some

But neither of us have for many years

So no...in answer to the op, dh doesn't watch porn

If the op had said has your dh ever watched porn i would have said yes

LoniceraJaponica · 31/05/2018 22:26

I asked OH this morning, and he said he doesn't. He would have no reason to lie to me. If he saw any when he was young it would have been an x rated soft porn film at the cinema. He predates the internet by many years (as do I).

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