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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if it's really true that all men watch porn?

97 replies

thetherapy · 30/05/2018 21:27

Can I ask MN, do your DHs or DPs admit to watching porn and is it a problem for you if so?

My DH admits to sometimes watching it when he's away on business, though he says he's only really into the women on women stuff. The issue I have is that when you go on the site, the lesbian / women on women stuff is there yes, but it's alongside other "genres" such as incest porn with a lot of more disturbing stuff literally in your face, plus adverts flashing all over the place for prostitutes etc. I'm not sure how some of the videos are actually legal - e.g. one hour long films depicting dads grooming their supposed teenage daughters. I'm absolutely horrified to be honest at some of it. AIBU to think that when men say that "all men watch porn" this is just an excuse to normalise it? Do all men really watch it? Also how realistic is it that they will really be avoiding the violent / sadistic subjects (ie most of it)?

OP posts:
CaptainBrickbeard · 31/05/2018 12:01

I don’t think it’s strange - which is why a lot of teenagers are bound to access it; the curiosity is incredibly powerful. I do think it’s very strange to watch what seems to pass as normal, standard run of the mill pornography now and it must be pretty traumatic for young people discovering sex to see the kind of violence and brutality that most mainstream and accessible porn seems to consist of now.

Butterflykissess · 31/05/2018 12:44

Every man I've even met ha s watched porn.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 31/05/2018 12:46

Dh doesn't

I really dont know about my boys but I doubt that the youngest is

The eldest may well be

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 31/05/2018 12:48

I have watched porn in sites like porn hub in the past, but I have never seen pop ups for incest. I have seen obvious crappy 'step mum blah blah' stuff on the sides but you said you weren't talking about that. Did you go through the incest category to find that stuff?

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 31/05/2018 12:55

Well I don't know about 100% all men/women but my ex-p certainly did. He didn't mention it in conversation but I walked in on him mid -act so that was fairly obvious. But I didn't have a leg to stand on as I do too occasionally as he'd guessed, also having only one leg to stand on I'd probably lose my balance.

expatinspain · 31/05/2018 13:01

I think all men have watched porn, I don't think all men watch it frequently. Probably a fair few do though!!

Flamingosnbears · 31/05/2018 13:05

I should imagine all men will have seen something porn related at some point in their lives...

mumeeee · 31/05/2018 13:05

No not All men watch porn. It's not a normal thing to do

LeChatDeNuit · 31/05/2018 13:21

My ex watched incest porn. Dad / daughter stuff. It disgusted me, but he said it’s quite common.

I have no idea. Is it?

SalsaLala · 31/05/2018 13:36

My DP watches it. I would prefer that he didn’t, but I can live with it and generally try not to think about it - I love him to bits and he’s a fantastic partner. If it was anything extreme or if he was interacting with women online, that would be a total dealbreaker for me though.

CowbellPopular · 31/05/2018 15:56

Grin LOL to all the wives saying that DH doesn't. Of course not, dears.

To the OP, there are lots of studies on this to answer your question. Around 90% of women and 99% of men watch porn.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 31/05/2018 15:58

Who cares if he said it's common. It's disgusting. If it is common, how is that anything but an indictment on our culture? It's not a reason to watch it himself!

19lottie82 · 31/05/2018 16:06

It's not a normal thing to do

What’s your definition of normal?

One of mine would be, not uncommon. In that sense I would say that men watching porn is normal.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 31/05/2018 16:22

cowbell

He has certainly watched porn in the past

And even by your, one assumes scientific, reckoning of 99%

That still leaves 1% that dont

Grin
GrandTheftWalrus · 31/05/2018 16:30

I don't like him watching porn but that's because of my own insecurities.

I know he watches it. As long as he doesn't do it when I'm in then he can crack on.

He knows I used to watch porn but I don't anymore.

CardsforKittens · 31/05/2018 16:44

My partner doesn't, and neither do I, although like most people we've seen some porn in the past.

So much porn is racist, sexist, violent or otherwise disturbing - it's a massive turn off.

hugitout10 · 31/05/2018 16:45

all of my male and female friends are open about watching it

baxterboi · 31/05/2018 16:46

Did you see the Channel 5 three part television show a couple of weeks ago - The Sex Business?

It was all in the UK and quite shocking, it showed people involved in buying sex, pornography actors, prostitutes etc. It was quite eye opening.

BettyBeer · 31/05/2018 16:48

Around 90% of women and 99% of men watch porn.

This isn't true. Show me the studies.

Samcro · 31/05/2018 16:54

mine doesn't and hasn't, not all men do anything.

Charm23 · 31/05/2018 16:57

Yup my DH does at times usually when away on business and I couldn't care less. He also went to a strip club with his mates on his stag do and again, I really don't mind at all.

TheWorldAsh · 31/05/2018 17:30

No all men don't watch porn, assuming all men do is very big assumption.

Porn is a very complex subject especially now the internet is everywhere.

Impact on the young and vulnerable and what that does to young peoples (especially young women's) experience of sex. Often not how you'd want it to be in a loving relationship.

However again, this doesn't mean all men expect anal, or want to cum on a woman's face, or use whips (or many other perfectly fine sexual behaviours between two or more consenting adults)

Those in the porn industry may be exploited or trafficked. But again that's a generalisation. Some are, many aren't.

As for incest and the like. I find that free porn sites often have titles to videos where the actual video has no relevance to the title. All about clicks.

Finally as parents we have a responsibility to educate and protect our kids. You can't expect the law to assist, any mildly technical child could get round a age verification filter.

So, like many things in life it's not black and white. But no, all men don't watch porn.

Original poster
thetherapy · 31/05/2018 17:42

90% of women may have watched porn at some point in their lives, but I very much doubt 90% watch it regularly or even semi-regularly.

I think the people who do watch it regularly probably like to believe they are the norm and in the majority.

My DH claims he only watches the female group sex stuff. He said he's not interested in films with men in them. If he wants to watch women pretending to get off on each other, that doesn't massively bother me in itself, but the problem I have is that it's impossible not to see the other videos playing out as you navigate the site.

I was on the site for 5 mins before coming across a video in which a man is grooming his daughter who has apparently just turned 16 so he was "training" her. I find this kind of content obscene and a total insult to the millions of women for whom this is or has been a reality.

The other massive issue I have is the terminology and the constant use of words like "slut" to describe the women in the films. If there was a forum in which caption after caption used racist language, or showed racially-motivated violence or sadism, it would rightfully be taken down. Why is it only ok when it's women?

OP posts:
Metoodear · 31/05/2018 17:42

I don’t belive any man at all who says they never have watched porn they may not watch it regularly however they have watched it

Porn is one of the biggest searches in google so somone is watching italso it’s a massive issue for companies with people watching it at work I presume so their wife’s who would leave and take the kids if they found out Confused

Metoodear · 31/05/2018 18:09

mumeeee

No not All men watch porn. It's not a normal thing to do i really think you need to get woke