To not be worried about an Autism-Friendly performance

[DoAsSayNotAsDo]

DH has taken half term off with the kids (DD 7 & DS 4) while I work (am a healthcare professional).

He's booked for them to go to the theatre tomorrow (a v large theatre) to see a show & has tonight realised it's actually an autism friendly performance.

He's now v stressed that the show could be ruined by noise & even if it isn't it will be a pared down performance so won't be as good as normal.

I've tried to reassure him that the differences probably won't be hugely noticeable and that I'm sure they'll have a lovely time but being told I'm self righteous and "why can't I stop being a healthcare professional and be a parent about this".

Has anyone previously taken neuro-typical kids to these sorts of performances & enjoyed them.

I understand DH's worries/frustration he's spent lots on tickets but don't think I'm BU to find his reaction way over the top & be so frustrated that he can't see my opinion as a person instead "blaming" it on my profession 😕

hell, your DH sounds a little ableist there. They're 7 and 4 - they won't notice the difference either way and they'll enjoy it just as much!

The show will be the same. Cinemas don't make changes to the films for autism friendly performances, neither will a theatre. After all it would be a huge pita for the performers to remember something different for one show!

Yes, it might be noisier. But it's presumably a kids show so it was always going to be noisy anyway!

He's being daft.

Point out to him how fucking lucky he is that he booked the autism friendly event by mistake and not because his children have autism. He needs to get a fucking grip.

I’ve been to cinema showings and the only difference was the lights being a little brighter and the sound a little lower. My children didn’t notice anything at all.

I know they'll be fine - am so upset at DH's reaction to me saying this... feel like I wouldn't have been able to say anything right & the crap he's giving me about thinking like a healthcare professional before thinking like a parent has really pissed me off as their not separate heads it's just my brain (which surely is normal for most people?!)

Actually I stopped taking my autistic DC to these showings because they were so disrupted. I'm terms of the actual showing it really isn't a notable difference that could spoil the show, but it is for autistic people which means it may be full of noisy people who don't sit still.

My DC doesn't cope well with the disruption that these showings bring

Autism-friendly just means that the theatre isn’t as dark and people are allowed to talk to each other to an extent - i think some sound effects might be reduced but I’m not sure?
I think you’re right OP - it will probably be fine. Autistic people are part of our society and it’s good for autistic and NT children to mix. In any case, if it’s tomorrow I doubt he’d get a refund so they may as well go I can’t imagine a 7 yo and 4 yo being too fussed.

I think he’s right. These shows are staged so that people with autism can watch them without other people getting annoyed or judging them. If it’s going to irritate him he should find another performance.

dancingtothebeat has a point, actually. Autistic children behaving autistically ( i can say these things, i am autistic) is not a problem. But if he’s goiing to glare at anyone who makes a noise etc he has no right to be there.

It'll be a good experience for your kids

He's right.

It's not fair...on the other kids and parents to have him tutting and glaring and huffing and puffing while they try and enjoy the show.

He sounds like a bell end to be honest.

I'm with your DH. I have no issue with autism- friendly performances, but I certainly wouldn't be paying to attend one at the prices theatres charge.

I have taken the chance of buying tickets for events that are not autism friendly on many occasions only to find that we have to leave after 10 minutes. Not because of a pared down performance but because it was simply not an environment that enabled.

Is your DH’s only concern the potential limitation on the performance? If so no need to worry it will be as good as ever. If your DH is concerned about the autistic audience being disruptive again no need to worry he has two children with him and the chances of his being more/less disruptive than any other children are equal.

I bloody well wish they had Autism friendly theatre and cinema showings where I am. Bottom line - it will be a mixed audience as some NT siblings will no doubt also be in attendance. Biggest difference - because it is Autism friendly the parents there will expect some empathy/less judginess than they encounter day to day. I would also think the sound effects would be softer.
If my child was getting stressed/escalating then I would take him out anyway. And what positively said.

I do not not believe that is the whole point. Autistic people judge too.

The reason why autism-friendly performances were developed (which is a very good thing) is so that people can have a choice of either going or not going to such a performance. I can understand him feeling that "I would rather go to the regular one." On the other hand, if he's booked and can't get a refund then it's a bit late to do anything about it now---what's the point in stressing about something you can't change anyway?

They will warn when the lights are going to go low. It may be slightly quieter volume and special effects may be toned down.

There may be more people in wheelchairs. They may be less people. Interval may be slightly longer.

No EdiShowers, it’s because theatres and other cultural venues can be intimidating, confusing or distressing to individuals with autism, and therefore accessible performances/screenings seek to redress this through a variety of measures.
It’s really not about herding then away from where they might ‘annoy’ other theatregoers

The showings are intended to be 'softer' with lower lighting and the volume lower then regular shows. The fact that it is for autistic people generally means people at the showings are more tolerant of the other attendees.

They absolutely are not intended so people don't judge. Not that I'm saying people should judge, just that there is an actual reasoning behind it.

If your children misbehave it is a more understanding environment.

All I'll say is that(speaking as someone with autistic relatives), I would be extremely unimpressed to pay potentially hundreds of pounds for theatre tickets only to have the experience ruined by someone screaming, kicking off or being disruptive, whether they're autistic or not.

I wouldn't expect other theatregoers to have to put up with that kind of behaviour when I look after said autistic DC, so I think autism friendly screenings are a good way for autistic DC to experience a theatre without ruining others'.

The chance of my child being more/less disruptive than other children is not equal, no: it is entirely dependent on how he reacts to stimuli especially if deemed too loud, what his own expectations of something were, whether his physical needs have been met (at least I have a chance with that one) whether the film/show catches his interest, whether it starts on time - he hates delays, and any unforeseen trigger a million
That said, if I thought he was ruining any performance for other autistics, I would take him out (actually, who am I trying to kid, he would have voted with his feet and bolted already).
On another day, you might be tricked into thinking he was NT. The balance is a strange hair breadth always fluctuating catch your breath moment.
He has been to a puppet show where he coped and another show where we left. The cinema I use often luck out and go when I know it might well be just us so no issues at all then except sibling rivalry.
But if I had paid good money for an Autism Friendly Performance and your DH even looked in my direction if my child did something autistic...it would not end well. Sorry.

I'd tell him to get a grip. It's autism-friendly, not autism-only.

Would he object if it were a performance adapted for the hard of hearing with, for example, a BSL signer at the edge of the stage (a theatre near me has performances like that) or adaptations for another group that have different needs from the majority population?

Your children are 4 and 7, they are not going to still perfectly still and quietly for the whole performance, why is he so concerned that others won't either?