Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Buying an 'engagement' ring myself

71 replies

ringbinder99 · 29/05/2018 16:35

Been with DP a few years, but no signs of marriage - yet!

He did buy me a ring a couple of years back, not an engagement ring, but a pretty little thing. I was in town today, just ambling about when I spotted a very nice ring, and it was about £250, half price. I really like it.

Would it be unreasonable to buy it for myself?
I know that if we did get 'engaged' I wouldn't get one off him, as he regards the one I have as an engagement ring, even though it isn't and he hasn't actually proposed if that makes sense!

What is the etiquette of buying yourself jewellery?

OP posts:

NC4Now · 29/05/2018 16:37

Are you engaged or not? As in, are you actually making plans to marry?
It all sounds a bit odd to me.

GimbleInTheWabe · 29/05/2018 16:37

I'd say by all means by the ring if you like it but it's a bit weird to call it an engagement ring imo.

mimibunz · 29/05/2018 16:38

Of course you can buy yourself jewellry but are you planning to tell others that he bought it for you?

Knittedfairies · 29/05/2018 16:38

You can buy yourself jewellery, but surely not an engagement ring.

Halebeke425 · 29/05/2018 16:39

If you like it you can just buy it you don't have to call it an engagement ring.

mummymeister · 29/05/2018 16:40

buy the ring for yourself as a present - no problem with that. but, honestly you clearly need to have a long chat with your DP because you cant really go out and buy your own engagement ring when there hasn't been any sort of proposal can you . that screams desperate to me.

and don't wear it on your engagement finger either because again this could all go pear shaped if other people think you are engaged when you aren't.

if marriage is really important to you then you need to have the chat now with him. if its never going to be on the cards then you have to decide whether you stick with him or move on.

VerbenaBoriensis · 29/05/2018 16:40

You could propose to him of course and then say u have seen a ring u like....

Notevilstepmother · 29/05/2018 16:41

I’d say buy it if you like it, but don’t wear it on your engagement/wedding finger, that would be odd.

I’d also be questioning the “he won’t get me one” stuff. Are you bothered about getting married? Sounds like you need to have a chat with him.

Pa1oma · 29/05/2018 16:42

OP you can buy yourself jewellery as you see fit, but it's not an engagement ring if he hasn't asked you to get engaged . It would be like buying a band ring and calling it a wedding ring.

What do you mean he wouldn't get you a ring if he proposed. Why not fgs? It's not that difficult is it? I think you need to be very clear with him that you would fully expect a proper proposal and a ring. In the meantime, you have bought yourself a ring, but don't think this means he's getting away with anything. It's fine to have multiple rings.

Wishmeluck2018 · 29/05/2018 16:46

You don't need any excuse to buy a ring you like.

VogueVVague · 29/05/2018 16:46

You're not engaged, the little ring you have is not an engagement ring, and this ring you're eyeing is not an engagement ring either.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/05/2018 16:49

Why would you even contemplate marrying a man who doesn't seem to care much about what you want and how you feel? You are selling yourself short - fond someone who does!

LemonysSnicket · 29/05/2018 16:50

I'd be. Little put out if DP thought he didn't have to get me an engagement ring because he'd bought me a small ring without a proposal a few years back ...

LoveInTokyo · 29/05/2018 16:52

You can buy yourself a ring but you can't buy yourself an engagement ring. Not unless you and DP have agreed to get married and you go shopping for one together.

If you're waiting around for him to propose and he hasn't done it, maybe you need to sit him down and have a chat about where the relationship is going. If he's not on the same page as you, bin him off.

And for God's sake don't have a baby with him until you know where you stand.

TheViceOfReason · 29/05/2018 16:52

What everyone else has said - buy yourself the ring if you love it and can afford it.

But int he nicest possible way.... don't kid yourself that it is an engagement ring. It isn't.

And echo not wearing it on your ring finger.

If you want to be engaged / married, you need to talk to your DH, not try to get engaged by stealth.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 29/05/2018 16:53

This is a rubbish idea.

And your post is quite sad.

Unless you both agreed getting married was not a thing either of you wanted and you’ve changed your mind why would you even do this?!

In the event he did propose I think half the excitement is getting the ring; whether you get it together or he chooses thoughtfully for you. By doing this you would take away that key element, probably leaving a proposal should it happen a bit of an anti climax.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 29/05/2018 16:54

Do you want to get married to your DP, OP?

Why does he regard your existing ring as an engagement ring if 'there's no signs of marriage'?

I'm not being facetious - I genuinely don't really understand!

Just buy the ring if you like it, anyway!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 29/05/2018 16:58

If you love it, buy it for yourself by all means, but it wouldn't be an engagement ring unless he had bought it for you with the intention of asking you to marry him.
I think you need to talk to him. If you want to get married then you need to tell him this and also that you would like a ring too.
An engagement is not just about receiving a ring, it's about preparing for a marriage. Is it just about you wanting to be engaged or do you feel like he's the right man to commit with?

BackforGood · 29/05/2018 16:59

No problem with buying yourself a ring, if you can afford it.
No problem - in fact I'd totally advcate - choosing your own engagement ring at the time you get engaged, but buying a ring to 'give the impression' you are engaged when you aren't planning a wedding, is distinctly odd, IMO.

TheDrinksAreOnMe · 29/05/2018 16:59

If he hasnt ask you to marry him, you arent engaged. Wearing a ring wont change that

PolkaHots · 29/05/2018 17:01

Would you be planning on wearing it on your endgame this ring finger?

TheShapeOfEwe · 29/05/2018 17:03

Definitely buy yourself a ring if you like it, and wear it on your engagement ring finger if you like - rules about that are silly imo. But it's not an engagement ring unless there has been an actual engagement! so just treat it as something separate and have a stiff word with your DH if getting married is important to you

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 29/05/2018 17:04

A couple is engaged when they have decided to get married.
An engagement ring is a gift given to mark this.
As it is not a gift from him and furthermore you say there are "no signs of marriage", I cannot see how this ring could be an engagement ring.
But buy the ring and wear it if you like it.

YearOfYouRemember · 29/05/2018 17:04

Buy yourself the ring then have a chat with your partner about the future. You say it like of course there's been no wedding talk as if you've only been together a few weeks.

snaggers · 29/05/2018 17:07

You can't buy yourself an engagement ring. That's just weird.

You're not engaged if the words "will you marry me?" - "YES!" - haven't been uttered.

If you like it, just buy it as a piece of jewellery though... To wear on your right hand!

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread