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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling a bit creeped out by driving instructor...

75 replies

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 13:54

Hello,
Had a driving lesson today, and my driving instructor was talking about how he always puts female students' numbers into WhatsApp to see if a photo comes up upon searching. He got a text from a prospective client during my lesson, and typed her in on WhatsApp. He then (bearing in mind this is a 40-50 year old man) was proclaiming how 'fit' she was, and licking his lips as he said this. I told him his behaviour was disgusting, and he just laughed...! I'm a terrible driver, and I know I will have to have many more lessons with this man before I pass my test...AIBU in cancelling these and finding myself a new instructor? he just seems very creepy, I'm in my late 20s learning to drive, but he teaches very young girls - that worries me.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 29/05/2018 13:55

You need to be comfortable with your driving instructor. You aren't comfortable with him so maybe it's time to find another one.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 29/05/2018 13:56

Does he work for a driving school? If he does then report him.
And look for another instructor.
I had a female one.
No way was I being told what to do off a man!!

RedHelenB · 29/05/2018 13:56

Find dome one else if this has occurred.

NumbersLetters · 29/05/2018 13:56

Agree. Trust your instinct and move on.

FASH84 · 29/05/2018 13:57

Yuk. Move to another instructor and tell him why, if it's a company report him.

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 13:58

He doesn't work for a larger company actually...he works for himself. I've already had 1 other driving instructor before this bloke, my current one came as a recommendation. It's taking me ages to learn, but I guess it will speed up the process if I'm comfortable.

OP posts:

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 13:58

Report him if he belongs to a driving school.
Get another instructor.

You must feel safe and comfortable with who you are with.

That applies for any situation.
He's a creepy fucker!

FinalNameChange · 29/05/2018 13:59

Definitely find yourself a new instructor! Ugh.

I suppose he's self-employed, no larger driving school to complain to!?

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 13:59

Tbh, I felt if I told him why I was moving, he would just laugh. It is appalling how he treats women, and talks about them. He doesn't see why he is at fault though. He always complains about the fact he's single...erm yeah, I wonder why if you treat women like they're a piece of meat?

OP posts:

theclockticksslowly · 29/05/2018 13:59

Yes, find another instructor. You will never feel comfortable enough to learn to drive with this man. My first instructor was similar - a bit creepy (plus other issues). I got a new one and it was much better.

And yes, if he’s part of a driving school, report him. He will have lots of 17 and 18 year old pupils - he needs to be pulled up on his inappropriate behaviour.

FinalNameChange · 29/05/2018 14:00

Sorry cross-posted re: self-employed.
Do get another instructor though.

FittonTower · 29/05/2018 14:02

Change instructor, having an instructor you are comfortable with is very important- regardless of why he is making you uncomfortable.
And that's really creepy and disgusting and I'd never get in a car with him again and I'd probably leave a review of his behaviour somewhere if there was somewhere to do that too.

AmazingPostVoices · 29/05/2018 14:02

I know I will have to have many more lessons with this man before I pass my test..

No, find another instructor. Apart from anything else his sleezy behaviour isn’t conducive to a good learning environment.

barleyfive · 29/05/2018 14:02

Yes that is weird, as is talking so openly about it to you as if it's standard behaviour. You do need to feel comfortable with someone you are stuck in a confined space with! I was 19 when I started lessons and I remember my instructor being innapropriate, but I put it down to me being quite chatty and him just chatting back; until one lesson he asked if we should drive to his as his wife was away and we could play cards...ew. I reported him to the driving school and changed instructors, it took me a few to find someone- the second took a bulk payment for 10 lessons and never turned up for my 2nd one and the school couldn't contact him either...so yes if uncomfortable think about swapping.

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 14:05

I just feel so badly about driving in general, but I do really need to pass and knock it on the head. My theory runs out soon, which will be even more money...those of you were nervous/tentative drivers...how long did it take you to pass your test? I've been learning for nearly 3 years now on and off :(

OP posts:

LoxieRose · 29/05/2018 14:08

My first instructor was a paedophile. He would make sick comments about school girls in their uniforms. I had to change to a female instructor and she was fab.

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 14:11

He's made other comments as well about girls/women which are disgusting as well. I may have to change to a female instructor, as this guy has just made me feel so uncomfortable. I'm actually on his website now and reading testimonials...can't believe it is the same guy, he must have paid them to write something good!

OP posts:

QueenCity · 29/05/2018 14:12

Apart from the creepy, lecherous behaviour why is he even looking at his
phone whilst teaching you? He should have all his attention focused on your driving and other road users. Ditch him and find someone you are comfortable with. Is doing an intensive driving course a possibility for you?

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 14:14

I've heard that intensive driving courses are usually unsuccessful. Are they actually alright? That's a really good idea, I've just heard such negative things about them. Anyone got experience of an intensive course?

OP posts:

Stripybeachbag · 29/05/2018 14:15

Change your instructor. There is no need to tell him why, just don't book any more lessons.

Second go for an automatic liçence.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 29/05/2018 14:16

He sounds awful, try someone else. Unprofessional as well a pervy.

HolyShmoly · 29/05/2018 14:17

My first driving instructor came highly recommended but I found him inappropriate and a bit crap, tbh. My second one was complete sea change and because I was much more comfortable with him, I was a bit more comfortable learning.
It took me a couple years and three tests but the different instructor made a huge difference.

PastBananas · 29/05/2018 14:18

Never mind the creepy behaviour (although that in itself is grim).

During your lesson he should be actively teaching you and paying attention to what you are doing, not being distracted by texts and photos.

Bad instructor. Get rid.

Randomuser789 · 29/05/2018 14:19

Is it not now an offence to touch your phone while instructing a learner driver, equal to someone driving touching their phone?

As an aside, believe in yourself a bit more (I know it’s hard) and you will feel more confident. I had a great instructor but I wasn’t the most confident learner and he knew that and probably didn’t help boost my confidence enough. The difference between me learning, and me the minute I got in my own car was amazing!! I was so much more confident and in control.

Wildlingofthewest · 29/05/2018 14:21

My lord, he sounds terrible. He shouldn’t be making comments about any aspect of his personal life what so ever and he certainly shouldn’t be making crude comments about the young women he’s being paid to teach.
Cancel any other lessons you have booked with him and get a new instructor.

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