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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling a bit creeped out by driving instructor...

75 replies

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 13:54

Hello,
Had a driving lesson today, and my driving instructor was talking about how he always puts female students' numbers into WhatsApp to see if a photo comes up upon searching. He got a text from a prospective client during my lesson, and typed her in on WhatsApp. He then (bearing in mind this is a 40-50 year old man) was proclaiming how 'fit' she was, and licking his lips as he said this. I told him his behaviour was disgusting, and he just laughed...! I'm a terrible driver, and I know I will have to have many more lessons with this man before I pass my test...AIBU in cancelling these and finding myself a new instructor? he just seems very creepy, I'm in my late 20s learning to drive, but he teaches very young girls - that worries me.

OP posts:

Stephisaur · 29/05/2018 15:02

Change instructors and start having 2-3 1h lessons a week.

He shouldn't have been on his phone whilst instructing you, let alone making lechy remarks. You don't have to tell him why you're changing, just don't book any more lessons with him.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 29/05/2018 15:08

Urgh, my cousin (16 years older than me) used to be a driving instructor, tried setting up his own company so wasn't working for someone else.
I was too young at the time to learn to drive but he was teaching my sister.
Apparently, all he would talk about was sex, and he used his dick size as a measurement whilst working. "Pull up 6 inches from the curb, my dick is 6 inches so park my dicks length away from the curb" It's been a good 12/13 years and i'm still horrified by it, hence it stick in in my memory of her telling me all about it. He would also discuss all his other clients sex lives and stories they' disclosed during lessons.

I'm incredibly close to his ex wife (she was just a few years younger than my mum, and they had a daughter 4 years younger than me, shes been like a second mum really and is the only "family" who supported me and my MH issues in the wake of my mums death) and he had an affair and left her when she was seriously ill. Has since come out he was physically violent and sexually abused her, apparently "No" doesn't count if you're married, vile, disgusting excuse for a "man".
Someone acting like that in a professional work setting would ring serious alarm bells with me, its inappropriate in every way. i'd cancel all pre booked lessons, and any facebook/review type sites hes on, would be getting a VERY honest negative review about his professionalism and sexual letchery.

SlowDown76mph · 29/05/2018 15:08

I did an intensive course of 2hr lessons twice a week, over a six week period, after changing to a female instructor after a similar experience as you (I passed!). The difference in the quality of instruction was huge.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/05/2018 15:09

Constance. PLEASE rust your instincts and dump him immediately and report him if you can using the link the other poster provided.Block your number You do not need to justify yourself to him. Just cancel the lessons. If he laughs it off and makes you feel ridiculous so what? That is his only defence. Humour. But from what you've said, its not very funny is it?
I suspect that he's deliberately trying out these sexually laden comments on you to see how you react and whether he can intimidate you. This can often be the thin end of the wedge - a prelude to escalating his behaviour into something worse.
I think a lot of young women are expected to be polite and considerate and don't want to offend, people like him take advantage of this.
For your own safety please listen to the other posters. This is a very nasty man and you are well within your rights to avoid him. No way to learn to drive and let others know if you can.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/05/2018 15:09

*trust not rust. LOL

MiddleAgedMe · 29/05/2018 15:12

Someone else said report him if he works for a driving school. Totally agree, what a creep :(

FASH84 · 29/05/2018 15:16

@constance10 I did intensive 5 hours for four days test on the Friday, passed. I felt because I was out and about for so long (we would stop for short breaks and he'd quiz me on the show and tell questions) I learned to drive, rather than learning set routes or small areas. It means I've been a confident driver with no concerns driving to places I've never been before. My instructor was an ex black cab driver and used to get me to drive into and around London (I live in Essex). He was fab. If you're a bit concerned could you consider auto only? It gives you less to think about.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/05/2018 15:17

ps. Almost a JillSandwich. In my early 20s I had about 3 lessons with a driving instructor who advised me to treat the gear stick "like your husband's penis" and other similar comments that make me feel sick to think about even now. Nasty creep. I wish I'd told someone and reported him. At least nowadays there is more of a spotlight on this kind of awful behaviour. and people are less likely to get away with saying its all just a joke or "normal".

Quickerthanavicar · 29/05/2018 15:19

bin him off

ImSoExhausted · 29/05/2018 15:29

Don't know if it's been mentioned, but it's completely illegal for a driving instructor to use their phone whilst a learner is driving. He can get points on his license. Might be an idea to remind him of that as well as him being a dirt bag

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 29/05/2018 15:34

I was sexually assaulted by a Driving Instructor when I was 17.
Please cancel any pre-booked lessons you have with this man and find someone else. If there is some regulatory organisation for driving instructors that you can report him to for making lewd remarks about young girls then please do. Leave reviews online detailing his inappropriate comments and that he has admitted to searching for photos of his young clients. At best, he is a lech who uses his trusted position to perve over young women and at worst he may be a predator who uses his position to harm them.

Socrates73 · 29/05/2018 15:35

Definitely move on but if there's any way to leave a review so you can let other women know how he behaved then please do it. Horrible man shouldn't be allowed to behave like that!!

gryffen · 29/05/2018 15:37

You can make a complaint to the authority who allows them to be driving instructors (,forgot what it's called) and you can also ask them or someone you trust to join you on the lesson.

Man sounds a total creep and quite honestly I would report immediately as he will be under rules for his DI licence - ask him if he's been disclosire/PVG checked.

therealposieparker · 29/05/2018 15:41

Creepy, ,move on to a different instructor. If it's a big company complain.

WingsOnMyBoots · 29/05/2018 15:47

Trust your instinct and get another instructor. Part of the reason for this behaviour he's displayed in front of you is testing your boundaries so see how far he can go. This is very unprofessional.

Years ago I stopped having lessons with a particular male instructor because I felt uncomfortable though it was nothing really that 'bad' I could put my finger on.

About 5 years later, I got a call from a woman at the driving academy I worked for who was asking about my lessons with him, if they were ok, did I have any feedback or complaints etc. I can only surmise that someone had made an allegation against him. Get rid.

WingsOnMyBoots · 29/05/2018 15:48

**sorry should read 'the driving academy HE worked for'.

Angie169 · 29/05/2018 15:49

Get rid of that rat bag , he is just there to leer at woman , god forbid what would happen if he took you to some quiet roads to get more 'practice'
Is there some sort of ombudsman you could report him to ?
I would also tell him that you are going to record ( the voice record on your phone ) him so that you can go over his instructions when you are back at home , that should make him behave better.

With his crappy attitude are you sure he is a qualified instructor, he may not be insured .

However I would still get rid of him and go with a well known driving school

Gacapa · 29/05/2018 15:50

Get rid. He doesn't deserve your money, the old pig.

DesertSky · 29/05/2018 15:50

One of my driving instructors was like that. Made lewd comments and dirty jokes. He even asked me what bra size I was! I was young and naive and desperate to pass my test as I’d already failed twice with my previous Instructor and only just found out I was pregnant! However after about 4 or 5 lessons the final straw was when he directed me down a dark back road and made me pull over so he could go for a pee. When he came back, he put his hand over my hand on the gear stick (feigning trying to help me put into correct gear).
When I told my husband all that had gone out he was furious! He left a very strong worded voicemail on his answerphone telling him where to go! The creep still had the audacity to keep calling me - I hung up!
OP if you feel uncomfortable please switch as it’s not going to help with your lessons and he is likely to just get worse.

Landed · 29/05/2018 15:55

As has already been said, change instructor and report him immediately. Here's the really good link already given once again

report him www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor

coconutbun · 29/05/2018 16:23

My instructor is a bit like this - maybe not as bad as licking his lips but he'll say "hiya gorgeous" when he picks me up and joked that he'll "show me his white bits" when he gets back from his holiday. I'm 21 and he's 55ish so it's definitely uncomfortable!

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 16:47

coconutbun
My instructor is a bit like this - maybe not as bad as licking his lips but he'll say "hiya gorgeous" when he picks me up and joked that he'll "show me his white bits" when he gets back from his holiday. I'm 21 and he's 55ish so it's definitely uncomfortable! confused

Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable.
Just bin him off. There's plenty of good instructors out there that are professional and not leary creeps. Don't give him anymore of your money!

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 17:02

Sorry, I had to go out this afternoon, but I've just come back and read every one of your replies. I'm definitely not sticking with this guy. He definitely makes me feel so uncomfortable, and it's just jogging more memories of weird/inappropriate things he has said to me.
I've actually been having 4 hours of lessons per week for the past 12 weeks. No improvement, costing me a fortune. Taken two tests and failed for minor things though. I'm not blaming my mistakes on someone else, as that wouldn't be fair, however, for my most recent test, he turned up late for picking me up for the test. It got me in a right stress, and that must have contributed to my nervous frame of mind beforehand, especially as I could've used the time to practise the manoeuvre (which I failed on).

I notice someone mentioned the Essex area above...could anyone recommend any good instructors? I realise this is outing, however my area won't give away who the instructor is specifically.

OP posts:

TheHulksPurplePanties · 29/05/2018 17:08

Shit, is his last name Fancy, cause he sounds like my driving instructor from 20 years ago! He tried rubbing my back and touching my thigh and was shocked when I told him to fuck off or I would tell the school. Told me my attitude would get me in trouble one day. . Report him if you can.

Original poster

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 17:12

His last name isn't Fancy! From this thread, it is actually very worrying how many "dodgy" driving instructors there are out there.

OP posts:

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