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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling a bit creeped out by driving instructor...

75 replies

Constance10 · 29/05/2018 13:54

Hello,
Had a driving lesson today, and my driving instructor was talking about how he always puts female students' numbers into WhatsApp to see if a photo comes up upon searching. He got a text from a prospective client during my lesson, and typed her in on WhatsApp. He then (bearing in mind this is a 40-50 year old man) was proclaiming how 'fit' she was, and licking his lips as he said this. I told him his behaviour was disgusting, and he just laughed...! I'm a terrible driver, and I know I will have to have many more lessons with this man before I pass my test...AIBU in cancelling these and finding myself a new instructor? he just seems very creepy, I'm in my late 20s learning to drive, but he teaches very young girls - that worries me.

OP posts:
SealSong · 29/05/2018 14:21

Ugh gross. I would not tolerate being around a man like that. Get rid, find a driving instructor you feel comfortable with. You don't have to listen to his sexist shit.

iklboo · 29/05/2018 14:22

Report him to the DVSA - he'll need to be registered with them to be able to legally teach you.

FadedRed · 29/05/2018 14:25

Even if he is self employed, as a driving instructor he should be a member of a national organisation. You can report him to the organisation, both for the inappropriate behaviour and the fact he is on his phone and not paying attention to your driving during the lessons.
Agree with pp's that you need to change instructors.

abigailsnan · 29/05/2018 14:25

I would find another instructor pretty dam quickly and tell him the reason you are changing instructors,are you allowed to leave your reasons on his website or is it not allowed.

FizzyGreenWater · 29/05/2018 14:26

Um, and you'd care if he 'laughed'?

He might laugh in front of you out of bravado but he wouldn't be laughing when you'd left at the thought of another lost client. Because no, you won't have been the first to make their excuses and leave.

And yes to fake testimonials.

Get a better instructor.

newdaylight · 29/05/2018 14:28

Urgh. Creep. Yes I'd say switch and perhaps leave reviews

DailyMailClickbait · 29/05/2018 14:31

Change instructors. It's essential you feel comfortable with the person who is teaching you - and I suspect that if you are nervous and haven't clicked with someone yet, then that's probably a large part of why you are struggling. When you have a look about, find someone who specialises in teaching nervous drivers. Meet them in person if possible before you book a lesson.

He sounds like a creep. I'd text him and tell him you won't be learning with him again. You don't need to give him a reason. Then block his number.

SaltyPeanut · 29/05/2018 14:34

Re: your question about intensive driving courses. Don't. They cost a fortune and you don't have time to assimilate the knowledge you've just learned as it's all just too quick. Also driving for several hours in a row when your not used to it gets very tiring and you lose focus very easily. I did one, didn't end well. Saying that, if it's more for practice because you're quite good already, it might work but still expect it to be gruelling. Also, if the instructor is a creep, knobhead or just plain useless, you're stuck with them for the entire week and the money will be wasted.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 29/05/2018 14:35

URGH. Another vote for changing instructor. Mine was like this, but he was also the cheapest in our area so I gritted by teeth. But when I heard some comments about me that he'd made to another of his pupils (who unbeknownst to him was my mate's cousin) - I really wish I'd changed as I would not have felt safe in a car with him on my own. Don't forget to block his number!

Bibesia · 29/05/2018 14:36

I suspect that his behaviour isn't helping you to improve your driving skills, it must be really quite stressful.

DSis isn't a natural driver and gets stressed very easily. After a few lessons with a somewhat aggressive woman when she made minimal progress, she changed to a lovely fatherly ex policeman who was completely calm no matter what driving mistakes she made. She passed at her second attempt.

DailyMailFail101 · 29/05/2018 14:36

Take your money and run! Don’t give business to a man like that, find yourself a new instructor.

Rollawolla · 29/05/2018 14:38

You need à driving instructor who is focused on teaching you not checking potential fitties out.

Racecardriver · 29/05/2018 14:39

I did an intensive driving course and passed on my fist go. I would 100% recommend it but not all of them are good. Check their pass rate. The one I used had a high pass rate.

Scentofwater · 29/05/2018 14:41

I was a v nervous driver, took me about a year but I was absolutely set on doing my 2h lesson every week. When I had a holiday I booked a lesson with an instructor where I was staying.

Have you been more off than on during the three years you’ve been trying? Can you increase the amount you are driving per week to help improve your confidence? I don’t necessarily mean an intensive course, but maybe if you can afford it get 2-3, 2h lessons per week. It’s expensive in the short term but cheaper in the long run if it means you don’t keep trying to learn for another 3 years. If you can get 2 different instructors each week that will help as well as they all have different styles of teaching and different focuses.

Have you tried the test yet? If not, set a date soon and give it a go!

WRT your current instructor, he can fuck right off. Don’t give him any more of your time or money!

Torple · 29/05/2018 14:42

That is definitely creepy, ditch him straightaway, you won’t be able to be confident around him.
I had 3 driving instructors. The first kept delaying teaching me things until I block booked another ten lessons. The second I only had once, he put his hand on my knee and moved it about to “help me feel how to change gear” (he was a creep too), and the third was a woman.

Youcantflosstomonkeywrench · 29/05/2018 14:45

those of you were nervous/tentative drivers...how long did it take you to pass your test? Surprisingly not that long once I found the right instructor. I had a similar creepy experience with a male instructor and ditched him asap. I found a fantastic (female) instructor and my confidence soared and my nerves went.

SofieMonde · 29/05/2018 14:49

report him www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor

auntyflonono · 29/05/2018 14:50

Female instructor, automatic car.Good luck!

pigmcpigface · 29/05/2018 14:50

It took me 2 years to pass my test, and I passed first time. I didn't have any practice time except for lessons. I think I would have learned far more quickly had I had a car to practice in, and more time out of lessons on the road.

You feel creeped out because your instructor IS a creep. Get rid!

RoseWhiteTips · 29/05/2018 14:50

Drop him. Get a female instructor.

GabsAlot · 29/05/2018 14:56

everyone saying get a female doesnt mean they'll be better or nicer

i had a female instructor-kept phoning people
took no noitice of what i was doing-turned up late-i got rid in the end

afaik it is an offence to use your phone if your instructing someone

RoseWhiteTips · 29/05/2018 14:59

Oh well, let’s go with anecdotal evidence.🙄

GabsAlot · 29/05/2018 14:59

pig even getting practise in another car can throw u off-as my next driving instrucutor a nicer one told me you get told completely the wrong thing by family/friends who take you out then the instructor has to correct it all because theyre teaching u stuff from when they weretaught which some is no wrong

GabsAlot · 29/05/2018 15:00

im just saying rose saying oh dont use a man wont automatically be a solution

gillybeanz · 29/05/2018 15:02

Go to a well known company rather than an individual.
They tend to behave more professionally when they are able to be reported and have to be accountable.

Give him a bad review on social media, he won't be worried about losing you as there is an endless supply of people needing to learn to drive.