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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My dm's will, aibu?

59 replies

Discussionoftheday1 · 27/05/2018 22:18

My df died, my dm remarried. She recently told me her & my stepdad have written reciprocal wills. If he dies first she gets everything and on her death the estate goes to charity/ her sister - my aunt. Hmm If dm dies first, stepdad inherits everything and on his death the estate goes to his brother. I know the MN mantra is their will, their choice but I feel a bit aggrieved by this. I'd like to be remembered in my dm's will. She's had 3 inheritances in her lifetime and I feel I'm getting a raw deal being left out, it hurts. It's like I don't matter. My sibling says it's the final straw & has gone nc. I shall absolutely be leaving my estate to my dc when the time comes. She gave no explanation and I didn't like to ask, it's her choice after all. Aibu?

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 27/05/2018 22:19

I would be sure to remember her lack of loyalty to you when she is needing tlc in her dotage.

pallisers · 27/05/2018 22:19

you will be called grabby within the first page, OP, but to me this is weird.

Why not just ask her "why would you not leave anything to me and sibling?" And see what she says.

I suspect from the final straw comment, this is not a happy relationship.

sunshinesupermum · 27/05/2018 22:20

So sorry OP. Has your DM explained the reasons why she's left both you and DS out of her Will? My DDs share whatever I can leave them. My partner and I agreed our respective families come first.

AllMYSmellySocks · 27/05/2018 22:21

YANBU to be hurt, is there a bigger story here? Why is she not leaving anything to her DC? What was the occasion she decided to announce this all to you? (I'm struggling to imagine my mum suddenly announcing she'd changed her will and none of her DC would be remembered).

AnathemaPulsifer · 27/05/2018 22:21

Very odd that they're leaving money to siblings rather than offspring. Was your relationship already very strained?

Curtainshopping · 27/05/2018 22:21

Sounds unusual. What’s the background to your relationship with her?

NewYearNewMe18 · 27/05/2018 22:24

I think that's a bit bizarre OP - unless, your mum inherited from her parents but her sister was cut out and shes trying to make things right?

Other than that I cant fathom it.

lamerde · 27/05/2018 22:25

I intend to leave everything to my children. If I were to remarry then, if I’m honest, i would make sure that step children and members of new husband’s family did not inherit.

I stand to inherit from my parents upon their passing and I would be upset (rightly or wrongly) if they did not pass their wealth to me.

I find it really odd when parents don’t look after their children in their wills.

Has their been I’ll feeling in the past?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 27/05/2018 22:28

Are you in Scotland OP? If you are I'm pretty sure that cutting children out of the will is illegal.

RavenLG · 27/05/2018 22:32

Why not just ask her "why would you not leave anything to me and sibling?" And see what she says.
I suspect from the final straw comment, this is not a happy relationship.

This says it all really.

Flexoset · 27/05/2018 22:34

Very weird all round.

Really weird that the survivor's sibling gets it all. So whoever pops off first, their sibling just totally loses out. Sounds like a set-up for an Agatha Christie mystery motive.

Also really weird to leave out DCs (and DGC, if any.)

Also really weird to TELL you all about it! Almost like she's deliberately trying to hurt you / piss you off. It's not enough to cut you out: she has to see your face when you find out. Yes, her will, her choice, but this choice is truly bizarre.

Sounds like she is generally unpleasant to you and your sister and this is just more of the same crap.

Murane · 27/05/2018 22:37

I'd just ask outright why she is leaving nothing to her DC. And would point out that she needs to make provision for care when she's older because I certainly won't be looking after her. Does she have a history of mean behaviour towards her DC? I assume you aren't close?

Original poster
Discussionoftheday1 · 27/05/2018 22:37

Not in Scotland. She told me casually as part of a phone conversation and I was so gobsmacked I couldn't say anything. She was never the most caring of parents - despite thinking she was brilliant. She walked out and left me & my sibling with our df. They divorced. Df died years later having never changed his will. It just seems to confirm what was there all along from the beginning. Me & my sibling are an afterthought.

OP posts:
Original poster
Discussionoftheday1 · 27/05/2018 22:39

We're not super-close but not miles apart either. I never held it against her that she walked out. I think she thinks I don't need it. But it's not about needing it for me, it's about being remembered. I'm her only dd. Sad

OP posts:
blackbunny · 27/05/2018 22:43

I cannot imagine not making provision for my child. If I were you I don't think I could see my mum in the same way ever again.

pallisers · 27/05/2018 22:44

So she inherited from your father and will now send it to the cat and dogs home?

Call her on it, OP. Call her up and say "remember what you said about your will? Well I am wondering why you wouldn't leave anything to your children like most people do? Is there a reason for that?"

I suspect she is a piss poor mother and this is her final fuck you and she told you for a reason - to upset you.

What she thinks of you does not reflect who you are and how valuable you are.

Morsecode · 27/05/2018 22:50

She cannot have inherited from OP's father if they were already divorced.

busybarbara · 27/05/2018 22:51

this is her final fuck you and she told you for a reason - to upset you.

This. Go NC.

aaarrrggghhhh · 27/05/2018 22:51

Call her on it

Agree. Especially if she is one of those who likes to loudly proclaim how amazing she is this will be very difficult for her to squirrel out of. Of course she will try to - but just keep bringing her back to it.

Until its costing you too much emotionally (which may already be now) and the consider limiting your relationship.

It's a horrible thing to do.

Stillme1 · 27/05/2018 23:08

Could there be a reason behind her Will decision? Maybe she feels closer to the sister. Or maybe her sister is in poor financial state while you are in a better financial position. Maybe her sister has done more for her than anyone else. Maybe DM knows the animosity you feel for her and feels her sister cares more.

I know my Will is going to cause talk, to say the least, but I want to reward those who are interested in me and not just those who share blood with me who may be less kind

Original poster
Discussionoftheday1 · 28/05/2018 07:21

Just saw this Sheila Hancock's will

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 28/05/2018 08:13

I think this is really cruel.

Vitalogy · 28/05/2018 08:27

I think that's awful OP. Not only that but why tell you about what's in the Will. It's like twisting the knife. I don't blame your sibling for going NC.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 28/05/2018 08:32

I thought you had a sister? You said your her only dd

AJPTaylor · 28/05/2018 08:32

You might as well point out to her. You have no interest in her personal money or her dh. But the money she got from df should go to you and sibling. I would have to point that out.
Then go no contact

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