My dm's will, aibu?

[Discussionoftheday1]

My df died, my dm remarried. She recently told me her & my stepdad have written reciprocal wills. If he dies first she gets everything and on her death the estate goes to charity/ her sister - my aunt. If dm dies first, stepdad inherits everything and on his death the estate goes to his brother. I know the MN mantra is their will, their choice but I feel a bit aggrieved by this. I'd like to be remembered in my dm's will. She's had 3 inheritances in her lifetime and I feel I'm getting a raw deal being left out, it hurts. It's like I don't matter. My sibling says it's the final straw & has gone nc. I shall absolutely be leaving my estate to my dc when the time comes. She gave no explanation and I didn't like to ask, it's her choice after all. Aibu?

I would take great delight in telling her my best friend is a solicitor who has agreed to represent me free of charge and that when she dies I would fight the will every step of the way.

Then I'd go nc.

I think Sheila Hancock is a different kettle of fish. I expect her daughters grew up with a great deal of privilege with having two famous parents, so don’t need her money.

I thought you had a sister? You said your her only dd

The OP said sibling. I would assume the sibling is not female.

I work in this area and that is an extremely odd will. Her siblings presumably similar age to her - what if they predecease her? Is there a massive back story here? Did you kill her cat or something?

Who inherited from your father if they were already divorced when he died?

Not worth challenging it btw. Courts not keen on overturning valid wills for able bodied adult children and if you fail you pay all costs. No she can do it and not much you can do about it.

What was in your df’s Will? We have a blended family, although I inherit everything if dh dies when I die the estate will be split between all the kids. If I remarry my current dh’s half is ring fenced and can’t be lost to my new dh, this is protected, so will still be left to the children, what I do with my half is up to me. The same process works in reverse.

Have you had an argument/never got on?

Seems odd to me.

I agree. It isn’t necessarily about the money. It’s about how she doesn’t value her children.

I think that’s very unfair and also very odd to tell you about it. It seems deliberately aimed to hurt you.

I would prefer a system like France where you can’t disinherit children.

DM is a cruel woman. She's deliberately disinherited you.

Bad mother, final Fuck You.

Tell her. Tell everyone why you can't see her any more.

Does new partner have kids? Could be him saying we'll if I'm leaving to a sibling, so are you.
Alternatively she's just taking the piss with that attitude.
Can't imagine what she's thinking personally

I think you need to gather your strength OP and drop this toxic relationship. This woman walked out on you when you were young and left you and your DB to it with your DF. Then she happily took your fathers money when he died, rather than giving it to her children. Not satisfied with screwing with your sanity whilst alive, she is making plans to torment you from the grave.

Seriously OP, you and your DB OWE HER NOTHING. You need to cut contact with her and not have her in your life. Your sibling has done the right thing. You and your DB need to stick together and help each other out. She is an oxygen stealer, an emotional parasite.

Next time you speak to her I would tell her that you were a bit taken aback, but not surprised by selfish her will decision. I would tell her not to focus on giving it away beforehand because she will need it to pay people to help her out when she is frail as you and your DB won't as you owe her nothing. Then I wouldn't give her the time of day again.

What I find bizarre (well obviously the whole thing is bizarre) is that depending on who dies first the wills have such different outcomes. Who are the sister and brother likely to leave the money to?

Your father's will would have been invalidated by the divorce, surely..?

Is it possible that she is telling you this in order to that's whether you are 'loyal' or not? Ie she's not leaving her money to her sister, but wants to see if like your sib you will go NC in which case she really will leave it to charity?

Has she had a quick relationship with your stepdad?

It's particularly weird as presumably all the money will end up with your dm/dsf' siblings heirs within a decade or so max. Most people would rather their dgds got it.

I find this totally unfathomable. I am constantly telling my parents to spend a bit more on themselves and have some fun but they refuse as they want to leave it to me and my sibling!

How is your relationship with your aunt? Could she say something on your behalf? Would she subsequently leave what would have/should have come to you?

Or could you say to your mum that you are surprised that she had not thought to leave your dad’s portion to you and your sibling? It seems to me that she wants to deliberately hurt you and cause an argument. Depending on what she says to this suggestion, I would seriously consider following your sibling and going NC. Statistically speaking your step-dad is likely to die first (unless he is younger than your mum) so she is set for a lonely old age with no one to care for her. You reap what you sow, as they say.

Doesn't sound nice, I am surprised that she told you "in the face" as if you should not expect anything from their inheritance. What's the relationship you have with your mum and step father?

Your father's will would have been invalidated by the divorce, surely..?

I believe so - but maybe if the OP and/or her brother didn’t actively contest it, the original will stood.

Surely, if your dm goes before your step dad, he should inherit it all, and then when he goes it should be split equally between the children?

Does your Aunt have any special reasons for needing the money? Perhaps your Mum owes her?

She's had 3 inheritances in her lifetime and I feel I'm getting a raw deal being left out, it hurts. It's like I don't matter.

YANBU

Money - inheritances particularly - are quite symbolic in families. That's why wills are important: they make a statement about how the will-maker thinks about and prioritises the people around them. There's also the sense that [mostly] a person's family supports and helps people to become who they are, (including making money, or establishing wealth/affluence!) and so they should be considered in the distribution of that wealth (whatever it is).

I have no children. One of my siblings has married into a rich family. Ostensibly, that particular sibling and their DCs don't need to inherit from me, but I wouldn't dream of not sharing my estate equally. There'll be enough from me for each nephew or niece to establish themselves in life, which is a good thing to leave.

Also I've seen close at hand how it affects someone to be left out of a parent's will: my father was left out of his mother's will - for no reason. We surmised it's because my mother comes from a very wealthy family & my father's family felt he's got enough that way. Luckily. his other siblings thought this was rubbish, and pooled the estate together & re-divided it with my father included.

That's why I could never do anything but equal shares to my nearest direct heirs.

But it's not about needing it for me, it's about being remembered. I'm her only dd.

This.

It must feel very upsetting, OP