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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that sometimes a new partners income should be considered by CMS?

515 replies

LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 14:05

My ex hasnt seen our kids in 2 years, or paid a penny in 18 months. This includes birthdays and Christmas. School residential trips, school uniforms, childcare, activities, everything they need is paid for solely by myself. My ex quit his well paid job to live off some inheritance rather than pay for his kids. He said this was the reason for quitting his job.

6 months ago he entered a new relationship, where he now is a sahp to her two young children whilst she works full time. This arrangement has happened for he past 4 months. He is saving her a lot in childcare fees by staying at home and avoiding working so he doesnt have to pay his own. They have a good set up with extra from tax credits and enough to go on a summer holiday together.

Now aside from the morals of allowing a man you have known for 6 months to care full time for your children, she is well he is a father to 3 other children he has no contact or financial support for.

Am i wrong in thinking their household income should be considered by CMS? As it stands, as he has no taxable income, he is on a nil rate.

OP posts:
MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 27/05/2018 22:41

So you want to take money from a woman who has her own children to support, on a wage which is low enough for her to receive tax credits? How about you give her money to support her children? She has as much responsibility for them as you do hers.

So yes, YABVU.

Be thankful you don't have to support your unemployed ex as well, as she is doing now. Whether his behaviour is unreasonable is a totally different thread altogether...

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:42

Never seen so much generalisation and projection in my life.

Most nrps don't want shared care? Where's your evidence for that?

Rocinante1 · 27/05/2018 22:43

@Dietcokebreak2

Then he should be working. Or he should have stopped at 2 kids, instead of going for 3.

They decided to have 2 children. They decided he would stop working. All because it's what they wanted for their new family. No thought was given to his first child.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 22:44

I want him to pay. She gives him money to go the pub and buy games. He has money. This money should be considered as he doesnt have the zero income cms calculated off. Thats it. I dont want her to hand me money. I want him to be told you need to pay £5 per child per week. A fixed basic amount that has to be paid for previous children so men cant het out of paying by choosing not to work. I dont want 25% of her income. I want him to be made to pay a small amount

OP posts:
HughGrantsHair · 27/05/2018 22:44

Noone is forcing her to support this deadbeat. He's doing her a favour. He's providing her with free childcare and they are cutting a bill from their household in the meantime. His child maintenance. They are better off.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:47

No she doesn't have to support him but maybe her number 1 priority is her own kids and not op.

Funny that op wouldn't be my first priority either or probably any other woman's.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 22:49

But shes paying everything else. His phone bill, playstation, smoking, food, drink, nights out. If it was a legal requirement to pay a basic rate for a child she would pay that too. But as it stands, it isnt. Men can chose to walk away from their responsibilities because people like yourself deem this to be ok and other enable them to do so.

OP posts:
HughGrantsHair · 27/05/2018 22:50

Flaming, my evidence is personal experience, friends and family, forums like this and people's experiences on the internet and the fact that last year, 1.2 million resident parents were owed child maintenance through the CMS. That's just families with cases open, not taking into account RPs who haven't gone through the CMS.

Do you really think all those people who refuse to pay maintenance for their children wants 50/50 care of their children.

They won't pay a measly 15/17/19% of their income a month for their children let alone give up 50 % of their time to look after them.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:50

That's up to her though isn't it?

Doesn't matter if she's giving him her whole wage it's nothing to do with you or your children.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:51

Oh and I never said it was ok to walk away from your kids.

I did say it was an issue with your husband.

But you're still blaming the gf for not forcing a grown man to pay his wife.

HughGrantsHair · 27/05/2018 22:52

So it's ok for her to pay everything for him but not to say "you know what love, instead of buying their PS4 game this month, why don't we send that to you child instead?"

Says a lot about a person.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:53

In my personal experience dp went for shared care. And ended up with more like 90% In the end.

Maybe they would want shared care but I bet most of them never even get an opportunity to go for it to be honest.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 22:53

But he should be made to pay regardless of where he gets his money from. Once she has handed it over its his. Its an income. If he can pay for everything else he should pay for his kids. Take her out the equation completely. He just pay a set basic rate amount. There should be no zero rate. Nobody unless on the streets has a zero income. Whilst he has bills that are getting paid he should have a basic rate of child maintenance he is responsible for.

OP posts:
flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:54

Sorry why should she fucking say that?

He should be saying it.

Why is it not his responsibility?

Do men not have brains? Am I missing something?

IT'S NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY TO FORCE THIS MAN TO PAY

Rocinante1 · 27/05/2018 22:55

This is totally off topic, but I've never actually put my salary plus my boyfriends salary into the child maintenance calculator... after the thread, I thought I'd see how much we'd actually have to pay his ex when we move in together, if we choose to pay from both our salaries.

This cannot be right. Together we would bring in roughly £9230 a week before tax. He's paying for 2 kids who stay 2-3 nights a week. There are 2 kids living in our household. It says we'd only need to pay £244 a week! How on earth is that correct?!?!? That's nothing. I know it's meant to be the bare minimum, but that's really nothing.

We certainly won't be using the figure they suggest. I'm shocked.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:55

It's not an income.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:55

Rociante it's not right. Dps ex pays 26 a week and she earns 16k

HughGrantsHair · 27/05/2018 22:56

I think you're being a tad hypocritical because I think your personal circumstances are clouding your judgement a little and you are projecting too Wink

You sound like you have a good partner who has done what he needed to for his children.

Sadly a lot of men don't. He is in the minority.

Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 22:56

Omfg im not blaming her im saying she is enabling him to make a shit parenting decisions and as a mother who receives money from her ex i think that makes her morals questionable. I wouldnt never act like that or support a man who was such a loser or allow someone to be an integral part of my childrens lives with such a fucked up moral compass.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaLouise · 27/05/2018 22:57

Its money going into his account to cover his bills. If he tried to claim benefits it would be considered an income.

OP posts:
HughGrantsHair · 27/05/2018 22:58

Rocinant, the maximum amount of weekly income they use in their calculation is £3000.

flamingofridays · 27/05/2018 22:59

Considering we are being paid maintenance I don't think I am. I've already said I wouldn't expect his exs partner to pay us anything....

My view isn't clouded I just live in the real world.

HughGrantsHair · 27/05/2018 23:00

But Flaming, if women made men stand up to their responsibilities they wouldn't think it was ok to disown their children financially and emotionally.

She is allowing him to do that. She has a moral responsibility to be a decent human being.

TheFreshPrincess0fBelair · 27/05/2018 23:00

As I said earlier in this thread. To those women who don’t care if your partner doesn’t pay for previous children have you ever thought that when you and if split up he won’t pay for yours either?

Rocinante1 · 27/05/2018 23:01

@HughGrantsHair

Well that's disgusting. I'm even more angry at people who don't pay now, after seeing how little they are asked to contribute.

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