To think that sometimes a new partners income should be considered by CMS?

[LolaLouise]

My ex hasnt seen our kids in 2 years, or paid a penny in 18 months. This includes birthdays and Christmas. School residential trips, school uniforms, childcare, activities, everything they need is paid for solely by myself. My ex quit his well paid job to live off some inheritance rather than pay for his kids. He said this was the reason for quitting his job.

6 months ago he entered a new relationship, where he now is a sahp to her two young children whilst she works full time. This arrangement has happened for he past 4 months. He is saving her a lot in childcare fees by staying at home and avoiding working so he doesnt have to pay his own. They have a good set up with extra from tax credits and enough to go on a summer holiday together.

Now aside from the morals of allowing a man you have known for 6 months to care full time for your children, she is well he is a father to 3 other children he has no contact or financial support for.

Am i wrong in thinking their household income should be considered by CMS? As it stands, as he has no taxable income, he is on a nil rate.

If my partner had a child there is NO WAY I would contribute. Not my kid, not my problem. It would be unfair to expect someone who wasn't involved to pay for her partners past mistakes

Indeed. But nor could I be complicit in continuing to make mistakes by not paying for his children.

I don’t get how anyone could respect - let alone want to be in a relationship - with a man who won’t step up to his responsibilities. Deeply unattractive.

@starzig would you financially support a partner that gave up a job in order to not pay child support?

My kids arent past mistakes either. They were wanted planned tried for children.

The problem is how do you prove that the person chooses not to work.

I think changes do need to be made to csa. It was set up a long time ago, people's lives have changed and women's roles have changed since the system was set up. But this particular issue I don't think you can really avoid.
And in this situation the ex and his new family hardly seem well off, its not like he's living the life while his kids starve.

If the circumstances suited me then yes.

If the circumstances suited me then yes

Wow.

If it wasn't a mistake then you would still be happily married and not in this situation.

@Dietcokebreak2 i have an email from him stating he has quit his job so he doesnt have to pay cms and live off the inheritance so i cant have any of that as we were married.

@starzig wow. So youd support a man chosing to ignore his children financially if it benefits you? Not think that is a special kind of selfish? I hope you dont have kids yourself and find yourself in this situation where your ex partner prioritises a new family above your children.

@starzig what a bizarre standpoint!

I am divorced (thankfully from an amazing chap who isn’t a deadbeat) - not one bit of our 15 year relationship/marriage was a mistake. Things change.

@starzig none of my three kids were mistakes thank you. My marriage failed. Thats a very different thing

I don't think that would stand legally. He could just argue he said that under duress or to wind you up. It wouldn't take much for him to go doctor and make out he's depressed and do can't work. Plus new partner could claim she's pressured by him and not complicit in his payment avoidance.

@starzig

And it wouldn't concern you that if he's that type of person who does that to his previous partner and children... then he might one day do the same to you? You'd be happy with a man like this?

That just proves my point that morally bankrupt maintenance avoided will find like-minded morally bankrupt partners who only think about themselves. That's why people get away with it; there's always another selfish ass to pair up with.

starzig I hope you're joking when you're referring to children as "mistakes". Please don't ever date a man with kids.

Basically a man (or any NRP) shouldn't be allowed to choose not to work.

A single mother or father cannot choose not to work and have someone else pay for their children.

That is why they reduced the age when single parents have to come of income support and look for a job. From 5yrs old to 3yrs old.

So if an NRP is made redundant or sacked they should have to sign on and get a job.

So if the choice is either the NRP works or the NRPs child maintenance responsibilities are covered by his/her new partner, then so be it.

If the new partner isn't happy with that, then the NRP needs to get a job.

I can't go on income support for years and let the government pay for my children because I can't be bothered.

If me and my partner decided I would give up work, I wouldn't let my children go without. I would ensure my partner contributed to our household expenses. Which includes my children.

I agree wholeheartedly OP. In an ideal world he could take your childcare costs off you but seeing as though he's a deadbeat dad, that isn't going to happen.

Everyone on MN bangs on, quite rightly, that being a SAHP is a job in itself and saves childcare costs and that its 'family money', therefore it should come out of their family money if they've chosen for him not to work as it financially better off for him not to do so.

I honestly do think the whole system needs an overhaul and if new partners were liable (as in family money) then it may stop these complete arseholes playing the system to get out of paying for their children.

I could see why you'd be annoyed. I'm in a similar situation. My partner had a child when I met him. Things turned sour between him and his ex. It was court ordered that he was allowed to see him. It only lasted so long before she started being sour again, at this point it started to cost to go to court etc. I have now had 2 children with my partner and he doesn't see his other child. (Both at fault) there is no way I could afford to pay CM for someone else as I only get by now! X

Overdue, is your partner working?

No, he looks after our children while I work x

No, he looks after our children while I work

So how does he pay maintenance for his first child?

Would he earn more if he worked?

He doesn't. They haven't spoke in years. As I say it all turned sour after a few months of the court order. My point was that I shouldn't have to pay for their problems. X

@overduemamma

So, your partner had a child. I assume he worked before he met you.

You then decided to have a child together... is that when he stopped working? What thought did you two give tonhis first child if he was going to give up work? Or did he still work at this point?

He's then gone on to have a third child... and at this hes definately stopped working, so what thought did you two give to his first chils before tou had his third? How did you plan the finances to ensure his first chuld was being supported eith a certain amount? Or did you both just not care about that?

You say you're struggling to get by, so having 3 children is something he cannot afford. But you've gone ahead and done it, because hey, you can forget about the financial needs of the first one.

That's a little disgusting.

You’d better hope that things don’t go wrong between you because the precedent isn’t good is it?

Every time I read threads like this I end up grateful that my ex is a damn good dad and human being!

@overduemamma donyou not think he has a moral obligation to pay for the child he produced? Regardless of the relationship with the mother.

Does it not concern you that should your relationship turn sour, he would do exactly the same to you as he has done to his previous child?