To think so many women and men make excuses for abusive men?

[crunchymint]

Sadly I have come across this so much. Men who are financially abuive, manipulative, domineering, make constant "joky" put downs to their female partners. And others round about excuse it and minimise it.

Because abusive men are the life and soul of the party in public, because they are charming/generous/kind to others and in public.

So people fail to understand that they can be so horrible behind closed doors. My STBEXH puts on a great performance in public, but behind closed doors he's an abusive cunt.

And as for the abusers victim making excuses for him? Well she's still in denial, embarrassed, and probably feeling like a failure. She will reach her breaking point one day, and see him for who he is. I reached mine at Christmas.

Yes I wasn't talking about victims making excuses, that is understandable. But other women who know him. I used to work with a woman who talked about her abusive son. He was very verbally abusive to her. He was married and in his 40s. She made excuse after excuse for him.
And yes if someone is charming and funny in public, many people do not want to believe that they are capable of being abusive.

Although I guess I ma forgetting that she is a victim too.

Denial and its often quite hard to get rid of people.
I had a friend who was rude/abusive to me and they just wouldnt take the hint.Eventually I had to get the Police to tell them to stay away from me.

To be honest I think it works both ways - alot of excuses are made for abusive women as well. You only have to read the threads on here about mothers, MIL's, sisters, SIL's etc If they behave like that to relatives I suspect they behave like that to partners as well.

Only six comments in and I get - women do it too.