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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want sex!

77 replies

imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 15:52

It's been a whole month since we had sex. And that was about a month after the last time we'd done it too. We are averaging about once a month- 6 weeks at the moment Confused

He doesn't see an issue, he says he's tired, not in the mood etc. He spends his free time playing xbox when he's at home. When I ask he tells me to use my toy Hmm he gets home from work about an hour before me so I'm convinced he watches porn and masturbates in this time.

I'm fed up. I'm not ridiculously horny or something but I do like the closeness sex brings. We only moved in together last year and sex became rarer after that. Is that normal? Is this what a long term cohabitation relationship is like?

OP posts:
Popc0rn · 26/05/2018 16:40

"Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common problem amongst men who have diabetes affecting 35-75% of male diabetics."
From:
www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-erectile-dysfunction.html

Maybe he's having trouble getting it up?

NewYearNewMe18 · 26/05/2018 16:41

imeanreally2

Theres your answer, diabetes, not porn. He needs to be referred to an erectile dysfunction clinic, which is a massive step for any man to admit. Men ostrich, they just hope their embarrassing medical problems will go away miraculously

Cupoteap · 26/05/2018 16:45

I think he is having trouble

Original poster
imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 16:46

He's had diabetes since he was 8 and didn't have a problem before, only in the last year or so.

He doesn't have a problem getting it up either, but he does have a problem keeping it up, usually it goes down before he 'finishes'

OP posts:
BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 26/05/2018 16:47

A life with type 1 can lead to peripheral neuropathies (affecting all extremities including the penis) even if it is well managed. Encourage him to the dr

eightfacesofthemoon · 26/05/2018 16:48

Going on about it twice a week isn’t a good thing. He just knows at some point you’re going to bring it up.
Jesus, if this was a reverse thread he would be called a bully amongst all sorts of other things.
If you want to properly talk about it. I would say nothing for at least a month, and then bring it up gently in a discussion about your whole life and not just about sex. There is always a deeper meaning to these things

eightfacesofthemoon · 26/05/2018 16:49

Cross post! But still going on about it twice a week is pretty fucking shitty

formerbabe · 26/05/2018 16:50

Tbh you sound like a bit of a sex pest

What an unfair comment.

Op, if you are not married and have no DC together, then leave. This won't get any better.

eightfacesofthemoon · 26/05/2018 16:50

@formerbabe
What if a man had posted this???

formerbabe · 26/05/2018 16:51

Sorry, just read your update about his medical issues. That does put a very different slant on it.

Original poster
imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 16:51

I don't schedule it in my diary to talk about it twice a week, it just naturally comes up.

OP posts:
BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 26/05/2018 16:52

Would those saying leave tell men to leave a woman with a health issue causing sexual dysfunction? Double standards!!

Talk to him
Stop pestering him
Find other things to do that aren't penetration and take the pressure off
Be a supportive partner
Did I mention talk to him?

formerbabe · 26/05/2018 16:54

Even if a man posted this, I'd think the same. No one is entitled to sex but once every six weeks with no willingness to address the issue is a problem.

Tbh, the gaming alone would make me want to leave.

Original poster
imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 16:54

I have asked him to see a doctor about many things but he says "I'm fine the way I am" and gets cross about it.

He has struggled with diabetes since getting diagnosed (he Isn't good with taking insulin) so he's really reluctant to get any doctor involved with anything.

He also has problems with his eyes (because of diabetes) and with cuts healing. I think this is diabetes related? He won't see the doctor about that either.

OP posts:
BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 26/05/2018 16:55

And many women would bury their head in the sand by hyperfocusing on the kids or yoga or some other task to ignore the real problem

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 26/05/2018 16:55

Sounds like very badly managed diabetes and he needs to be seen asap to get it under control

Original poster
imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 16:56

He also refuses to believe his diabetes could be causing the sex problems. He flat out refuses to speak to a doctor about it.

OP posts:
BlitheringIdiots · 26/05/2018 16:56

Neither of us fancy it so it works here!

chavtasticfirebanger · 26/05/2018 16:57

Op he is having erectile problems.
the eyesight and cuts are really serious though. He could go blind or get gangrene. His blood sugars dont sound well controlled x

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 26/05/2018 16:57

Well tell him the other neuropathies and retinopathy will leave him blind and in a wheelchair and ultimately kill him if he doesn't get his diabetes treated.

daisychain01 · 26/05/2018 16:57

Can't believe you've been told to 'dress up' in sexy underwear for him. Why?? What's he done to deserve anything except being shown the door. And this is after only a year of living together.

Any bloke using porn instead of being attentive to their DP isn't interested in the relationship so it's completely one-sided and not worth the effort.

formerbabe · 26/05/2018 16:58

Oh and no one has to stay in a relationship if they don't want to...man or woman. And if the issue which is making them unhappy is related to a medical issue, they still don't have to stay in that relationship.

Original poster
imeanreally2 · 26/05/2018 16:58

@BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot I, doctors and his parents have told him that but he thinks he's invincible

OP posts:
BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 26/05/2018 16:58

Frankly if he won't get it under control you need to know what is in your future and it's really not pretty.

HarmlessChap · 26/05/2018 16:59

Men ostrich, they just hope their embarrassing medical problems will go away miraculously

The use of the words erectile dysfunction is an effort from the medical community at being a bit PC but, no matter how you phrase it. impotence carries huge social stigma; if you look on any joke site and you'll see the use of Viagra ridiculed and so on.

As someone who has ED I found accepting it hugely emasculating. I can fully appreciate that someone might be hoping and praying that its just a phase and feel embarrassed and even ashamed to admit it they are having difficulties even to their partner.

That said we don't know if it is the problem in this case.

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