AIBU? Normal 7 year old behaviour...

[Mummyontherocks]

My 7 yr old dd reacts very strongly to things, she has high anxiety and she still has tantrums. They can be extreme. For example she has just had a meltdown for 1.5 hours (crying, screaming and kicking) because I explained Daddy said no to her eating in our bed because she makes crumbs. She was devastated that I didn't believe that she doesn't make crumbs (she does make crumbs). My dad thinks that she is bang out of order (fair enough) but can't see that she is 7, and hasn't learnt how to deal with her big emotions yet. I'm worried that there's maybe more to it and the tantrums, plus her anxiety may not be normal for her age. My dad thinks I should just stop her tantruming (no idea how) and that I'm letting her older sister down who is always upset by her tantrums. AIBU to 'let' her get away with this behaviour?

My DS had long meltdowns between 1 and 3 hours at that age too. There is a difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. If a child is having a tantrum they tend to look at you and change there behaviour to try and get attention. With a meltdown it's as if they've gone into a parallel universe, it is impossible to talk or reason with them until the break out of it. With DS nothing helped him be it giving him consequences or promise of rewards if he stopped or even trying to cuddle him and telling him we loved him.

By chance we found out about retained primitive reflexes and a therapist close to where we live. It has been life changing for both DS and the rest of the family. We no longer feel like we have to try and manage his feelings and constantly watching for warning signs. He is now more articulate and able to express himself. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions.

Most 7 year olds have grown out of that phase probably two years before, so I think your dad is saying something most people would identify with. However, just because she tantrums doesn't mean it is some kind of failing on your part!

The book 'What to do when you worry too much' www.dawnhuebnerphd.com/worry-too-much-overcoming-anxiety/ ) is good for that age. I used it with my daughter, who was having meltdowns in school when she couldn't do things when she was 7-8.

I too had a husband who tended to see it as 'bad behaviour' but I think that's unhelpful as getting angry at these outbursts will never be helpful.

Is she like this at school as well? DD's school anxiety, having really got a lot better, made a return at the start of Year 5 and the school did a resilience programme with her with one of the TAs for a term that seemed to help a lot, maybe your DD's school can do something similar?