AIBU - evening guests at a wedding

[LoveInTokyo]

Is it just me or does anyone else think the concept of having some evening only guests at a wedding is just inherently a bit offensive?

To me it comes across like, “you’re alright but you’re only a second tier friend so we don’t like you enough to actually pay for a meal for you, so please travel a long way and spend a lot of money to attend a bad disco and probably pay for all your own drinks and bring a present”?

If I got an evening only invitation then I would probably politely decline.

[mrsb06]

Re: cash gifts, I think sometimes people are a bit put out when giving them because frankly, they don't know how much to give. How much is acceptable? £20? £50? £100? What's considered generous by a guest may be stingy to a bride and groom.

We asked for cash because we didn't want 50 slow cookers or posh cutlery sets we'll never use. Although we did donate a percentage to two charities of our choice.

[MiggeldyHiggins]

Is it just me or does anyone else think the concept of having some evening only guests at a wedding is just inherently a bit offensive?

its perfectly normal and only offensive if you are self absorbed and daft.

[Rainforestbabyhat]

We couldn’t afford to have everybody in the day unfortunately (only family and very close friends) but I think all the evening guests had a good time - free food (and plenty of it, hog roast and veggie options), free bar and entertainment all night from 7pm until about 3am. Some people came a long way for evening and we were so touched, it really made the day getting to see them all and I hope they enjoyed it too

I don’t understand why people would have been offended by this?

[Sparklesocks]

Ive been to two weddings as an evening guest - one was a uni friend I lived with years before but only spoke to on occasion, and the other was a school friend I saw regularly but we didn’t spend much time one on one.

I know that neither of those people are close friends, so I was flattered to be asked. I wasn’t offended as I would never expect to be invited to their main wedding alongside their family and best friends.

It was quite nice showing up at 7ish and getting a drink as the disco got going, you get a nice evening out but don’t get the flagging you sometimes get at an all day wedding. It’s good fun, I think I’d only be offended if someone I thought I was very close to only invited me to the evening (unless it was say, very small at the ceremony or family only etc)

[IDearlyLoveALaugh]

@GreenMeerkat I just think that asking for cash or any present from evening guests is a bit cheeky tbh.

If they are all day guests or if an evening guest wants to bring a present then fine, but I just think that asking evening guests to give the bride and groom cash (after the guest has forked out on all the expenses I listed in my pp) is really cheeky!

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

I don't think I know of a single married couple in the last 30+ years who didn't live together first.

Introduces self to GreenMeerkat

Just for the record:-

I am 38, dh is 41
We are not particularly religious
We had had sex before the wedding
At the time it didn’t occur to us that this was an unusual thing to do.

[GreenMeerkat]

@Mumoftwoyoungkids but did you need homeware as a wedding gift?

[GreenMeerkat]

@IDearlyLoveALaugh oh, we didn't ask for anything from the evening guests. Just the day guests. And even then it wasn't 'asking for' just 'if you want to get us a gift.....'

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

GreenMeerkat

Yep.

Very grateful to the guy who bought us the double quilt or we would have been sleeping under a single.....

[BackforGood]

Yabu

It is a perfectly normal thing to do and has been for decades.
If you don't want to, then fine, but just because a thing insn't something you'd do, doesn't make it offensive. What an odd thing to say.

I consider it rather nice to not only invite all the people you would expect to invite to your wedding, but to also make room in your budget to invite colleagues, team mates etc to an evening party as well, is generous and lovely.

[GreenMeerkat]

@Mumoftwoyoungkids well I stand corrected. I think you are the exception to the rule these days though.