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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Deleted social media for sake of mental health, now I'm in trouble?

68 replies

Stopthatalreadyok · 25/05/2018 20:37

Last week I decided to delete my social media (deactivate, whatever) and I've had a back lash from a few people.

I deactivated Facebook and have had a few messages from folk asking why I've unfriended them, to which I've replied explaining my reasons only for the to respond telling me it's a strange thing to do.

I deleted WhatsApp because I was finding the numerous groups I'm in exhausting and if I didn't reply to every family members baby picture I would get a text asking why I was ignoring people etc etc so I just wanted rid. I left a WhatsApp group of mums I met at a baby yoga group, about 15 of us and left a quick good bye message;

Hi yogis, sorry I'm leaving WhatsApp but I'm just struggling with my MH currently and I'm trying to cut down on social media. If anyone needs me I'm available via text! See you soon"

Since which I've had three of them text me asking why I don't want to be friends anymore?

Am I missing something? I suffer with anxiety and agoraphobia and I got off social media because it was getting to the stage where I was nervous in my own home of my phone so I wanted out. Now I feel it's even worse because people seem so angry with me now?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:

violettttt · 25/05/2018 20:38

That sounds odd. In my experience people are rapidly going off Facebook and deleting their accounts.

People really do need to get off social media and start living.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 25/05/2018 20:40

Wow, no advice but I’m sorry this has happened to you when you were clear why you were doing this. I can totally understand the need to get away. I hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

Stopthatalreadyok · 25/05/2018 20:40

Apart from the weird shit, I do feel much better! Also I did think it was pretty common nowadays so was v shocked when people reacted AT ALL let alone like this

OP posts:

ConciseandNice · 25/05/2018 20:41

Oh yes indeed. It can be hard for people to actually understand it’s not because you dislike them/their kids/their lifestyles/their food pics, but just want some mental freedom. Social media, although great in many ways, is a bit of an emotional rabbit hole or black hole. Something g it’s better to not go in. If people don’t understand you can one day (when you have the energy) think about if you really want them in your life. Right now, step back, gain freedom and wellness and don’t worry (really don’t, try). Much luck to you.

MyNameIsNotSteven · 25/05/2018 20:42

Ridiculous. I did the same a few years ago. I gradually started using FB again but I get the distinct impression that some people have the arse about it. I really only use it because a lot of info about events, school and the like is communicated that way.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 25/05/2018 20:44

No wonder it was causing you so much anxiety if those are the type of people who you are friends and family with! Whenever I’ve had a SM break people have said they understand, should do it too, will miss me etc and then been welcoming when I’m back! The fact that they are giving you shit about it just reinforces why you need to step away from it, it’s not real life and it means nothing that you don’t want to be pestered by notifications all day long. Just keep up with contacting friends and family outside of SM and hopefully they will realise that you weren’t unfriending them, just getting off the hamster wheel.

Original poster

Stopthatalreadyok · 25/05/2018 20:47

Thanks so much everyone, I guess mn counts as social media too so I should probably get off here too! But I still enjoy it on here and it's so much less intrusive eg no notifications and anonymous

OP posts:

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 25/05/2018 20:48

Noooo! Don’t leave MN, it doesn’t count

Original poster

Stopthatalreadyok · 25/05/2018 20:49

Ha! No, it doesn't count

OP posts:

Barbie222 · 25/05/2018 20:49

Just wondering if maybe it's a clumsy way of checking you're OK? I fully appreciate that it might not have been written with that intention but sometimes those sorts of posts come across as a bit attention seeking.

SandAndSea · 25/05/2018 20:57

Honestly, I think you handled it well and will be much better off without all that. Some people are just really weird about it though.

TooMinty · 25/05/2018 20:57

I think it's a sign that you were right to come off social media, these groups/friends sound hard work.

Weezol · 25/05/2018 20:58

I never joined FB in the first place - with hindsight, I'm glad because when I developed MH problems it would have been a disaster for me. MN is my only social media and I still need to take a break from it sometimes for my own wellbeing.

Not being on FB caused numerous problems with other people over the years though. Funnily enough, when the Cambridge Analytica scandal hit, the references to tin foil hats dried up.

I've got two phone numbers, two email addresses and I'm housebound 80% of the time. It's not hard to find me if you need to !

senioritabonita · 25/05/2018 20:59

I deleted Facebook and didn't realise that it caused such offence. It was 4 years ago and people still sometimes ask why I unfriended them. People are so weird.

Butterflykissess · 25/05/2018 21:00

i think it's ok if you've explained the reason but in my friendship group there is always someone who is making a big scene about leaving the whatsapp group frequently for no reason she just remove s herself then blanks everyone for months. It's now been agreed she won't be let back in.

shinycat · 25/05/2018 21:05

I love Facebook and have a lot of fun on there with people, and manage to maintain contact with people who I wouldn't talk to very often (family and friends overseas etc.)

But some peoples reactions to social media/people deleting it/not getting enough 'likes' is so bizarre!

YANBU.

Stripybeachbag · 25/05/2018 21:06

I think it's a bit like someone going to the pub on a Friday night and not drinking. It makes them feel uncomfortable about their social media. Or they'll miss you on the groups. We're you previously pretty active?

daisypond · 25/05/2018 21:09

I'm not really on any social media, and I'm glad when I read comments like this. The idea that you should be in permanent contact, be always available, and it's regarded as blanking someone if you're not is shocking. It seems so childish and cliquey and bullying.

PieAndPumpkins · 25/05/2018 21:14

When I've deactivated FB in the past, I told people first. Just clarify you haven't deleted them, you've deactivated FB, and get on with life. If they throw a tantrum, oh well. You're not obligated to have a FB account.

Summersnake · 25/05/2018 21:14

I did the same,I texted people first ,and explained why I was doing it..some people took the humph ,some didn't..glad it's done ..

RideOn · 25/05/2018 21:16

Sounds like you really need to get off, you are connected to a lot of people who are quite demanding!
I don't think it is weird I am in my 30s and know people my age coming off and older who were never on.

InkSnail · 25/05/2018 21:17

Do they actually know the difference between a friend and a social media "friend"? Of course it isn't compulsory to use social media, it's a personal choice, and a very valid one.

LighthouseSouth · 25/05/2018 21:17

Wow, that's odd
I was never on either of those though because they do feel intrusive
Twitter doesn't, apart from the odd person trying to promote something.

Ginkypig · 25/05/2018 21:25

Iv got Facebook but very rarely actually use it, I don't have any other types like snapchat twitter or Instagram etc People get the right hump with me sometimes and without actually saying it make me feel like they think I'm being difficult.
Everyone just assumes your active on these things and your a weirdo if your not or worse like your personally insulting them by not being "friends" on it.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/05/2018 21:29

No you do what is best for you. If deleting social media is going to help, so be it.

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