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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Deleted social media for sake of mental health, now I'm in trouble?

68 replies

Stopthatalreadyok · 25/05/2018 20:37

Last week I decided to delete my social media (deactivate, whatever) and I've had a back lash from a few people.

I deactivated Facebook and have had a few messages from folk asking why I've unfriended them, to which I've replied explaining my reasons only for the to respond telling me it's a strange thing to do.

I deleted WhatsApp because I was finding the numerous groups I'm in exhausting and if I didn't reply to every family members baby picture I would get a text asking why I was ignoring people etc etc so I just wanted rid. I left a WhatsApp group of mums I met at a baby yoga group, about 15 of us and left a quick good bye message;

Hi yogis, sorry I'm leaving WhatsApp but I'm just struggling with my MH currently and I'm trying to cut down on social media. If anyone needs me I'm available via text! See you soon"

Since which I've had three of them text me asking why I don't want to be friends anymore?

Am I missing something? I suffer with anxiety and agoraphobia and I got off social media because it was getting to the stage where I was nervous in my own home of my phone so I wanted out. Now I feel it's even worse because people seem so angry with me now?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

OP posts:

AllMYSmellySocks · 25/05/2018 21:29

bizarre behaviour (from them not you). I guess it's nice though that they're keen to keep in touch but why does it have to be via Facebook or whatsapp?

feebeecat · 25/05/2018 21:30

I came off fb for same reasons & found that the ones who caused so much fuss about it are probably the ones who should come off too - they are just obsessed! All the carrying on about 'liking' pictures/status etc was driving me mad. I knew it was time to leave when one 'friend' kept texting me if I put anything up. I asked why she texted me & didn't just respond on fb - "I don't want you to look too popular"
I was on whatsapp for about two days, until same person told me she knew when I was 'active' so why had it taken me 15 minutes to reply to her??? Too, too much.
Take that step back & enjoy the space, I'm old enough to remember when we all used to go out & be out of contact for hours - bliss

jedenfalls · 25/05/2018 21:31

It’s not you it’s them.

I think I’d have a stock impersonal response like ‚‘dear friend it’s nothing personal im having a digital detox. See you IRL soon‘

Lovemusic33 · 25/05/2018 21:33

Facebook often messes with my mental health, I have come off before but now find it easier to just hide people that are annoying me, today I even hid my partners profile (new relationship and he’s annoying me), I have about ten people hidden at the moment.

reallyanotherone · 25/05/2018 21:35

I think your friends are arses.

First thing i do when i’m struggling is “go dark”. I stop social media, contacting people, meeting up, social events. I hide from the world. Nobody, but nobody has realised, but then i don’t say anything, and nobody has ever asked.

If they were true friends the correct response would be sorry to hear about your mh, understand fb can be an issue, here if you need anything or want to talk. Not me me me why don’t you like me...

I have a friend who deactivated her account about a year ago. My first thought was i hope she’s ok and not isolating herself...

Teenagemaw · 25/05/2018 21:35

I had the same when I deleted facebook.. dont miss it at all but get strange looks from some people in town now as if ive offended them... dont care any more tbh it was the best thing i ever done for my mental health

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 25/05/2018 21:37

I deleted FB for same reasons about 6 weeks ago. SUCH a good move. Surely if people can work out who isn't their "friend" any more they can figure out its because you've deleted it by searching your name?

Jeden's is the perfect answer

SluttyButty · 25/05/2018 21:58

I regularly deactivate or just don't look at social media or my mental health would be in dire straits. But I tell the important people first I'm going radio silent.
I can easily ignore MN because it frequently raises my blood pressure and I have to ignore it before my head explodes.

BrownTurkey · 25/05/2018 22:01

I guess they felt criticised but it seems odd to turn it back on you, your message was pleasant and clear enough.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 25/05/2018 22:13

Facebook often messes with my mental health

I find this really disturbing. I have never had a facebook account and never wanted one. I am so glad when I read threads like this. Being constantly expected to respond to people would overwhelm me. I do have WhatsApp but strictly limit the number of people on it.

I think you have done the right thing for yourself and need to stick with it, regardless of people's reactions.

Italiangreyhound · 25/05/2018 22:38

Your friends are crazy, you made it clear they could text you. I'd just say, I think, in your shoes, if you get texts from people asking why you don't want to be friends, be clear you are still friends but are off social media for your mental health.

I had CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) on the NHS for anxiety some years ago, can you get some therapy on the NHS for your agoraphobia.

Italiangreyhound · 25/05/2018 22:40

(My CBT worked brilliantly, I know it doesn't for all.)

rumbelina · 25/05/2018 22:46

It’s them, not you. I and a few friends have all left social media at some point. One is off it at the moment. It gets too much sometimes. It can be demanding and overloading. It’s nice to be free for a while and anyone who takes it personally is being a bit of an arse.

Original poster

Stopthatalreadyok · 26/05/2018 20:20

Thanks everyone! Yes I have had cbt, counselling and a psychiatrist for my stupid mental health as well as medication and I'm a lot better then I used to be. I had a tough few years where I could barely leave the house, but ok now. This experience has set me back a lot though if I'm honest, I'm scared to run in to the people I've annoyed as they're all so local. Meanwhile my 3 best friends all live hundreds of miles away now!

OP posts:

Elspeth12345 · 26/05/2018 20:51

I've left Facebook for similar reasons before. Perhaps just reiterate to friends that you're still keeping in contact with them via text/email but just avoiding social media because it makes you feel stressed?

zeebeedee · 26/05/2018 21:12

Every now and then I take the FB app off my phone for a while - I check it so much less if I have to use the computer - can't do it at work - and it does free up time and energy.

I've never had a negative reaction when I've been less active on FB, and am considering doing it again over this summer, as I can feel my usage creeping up again....

Italiangreyhound · 26/05/2018 21:14

@Stopthatalreadyok hope this purge of social media throws up some very understanding people who can become better friends for you.

TooManyPaws · 26/05/2018 21:17

I've not been in this situation but various friends have done this for a while. I have found that Facebook has been my lifeline to friends when i'm struggling - because my friends and family are round the world and because I don't have "recommendations" by friends or people I don't have a scooby about as friends. I don't really bother with Twitter anymore and Instagram is all about my animals with a bit of knitting and crochet.

However, if someone chooses to step down from social media for MH reasons, the only response I would feel is right to give would be "I'll miss you and you know how to contact me if I can help in any way."

ivykaty44 · 26/05/2018 21:21

All the more reason to do what you have done ✅

Social media is a mind field and group whatsapp the work of the devil

Ignore the queries as it’s probably their own insecurities and you’ll be much better of with out this rubbish in your life

museumum · 26/05/2018 21:30

Everyone uses SM differently but with whatasapp I’d be a bit unsure if someone left a group if it meant they didn’t want to meet up anymore /had been offended or if they wanted separate text invites to meet ups or not to be texted.... I guess I use WhatsApp like a group text so it’s a bit like someone saying they don’t want to hear from me but maybe others don’t?
Fb is more common to know people who are not on it at all.

YourVagesty · 26/05/2018 21:33

I had the same OP but two years down the line nobody even thinks of me being on FB anymore and my anxiety levels have become far healthier!

Ride it out and reap the rewards on the other side. Honestly, the whole thing is toxic.

LagunaBubbles · 26/05/2018 21:34

People really do need to get off social media and start living

Says the person typing on an Internet forum.

justanotheruser18 · 26/05/2018 21:34

Ignore the weird shit. Normal people don't question your decisions or act all huffy. You did nothing wrong. I deleted my fb, IG and twitter a couple of weeks back and feel so free. I have space in my head again.

frasier · 26/05/2018 21:37

Maybe this is the SM equivalent of those that don't like others not drinking when they do?

Ignore if you can OP. Do what you have to do for you.

Sosogoodagain · 26/05/2018 21:44

I deleted FB ten months ago. Fab decision for me.
I do have an FB messenger account with around 6 people on it. I can communicate with them and not be aware of all the minutiae.

I get why you're trying to do this and I see nothing wrong with proceeding. It most likely will work wonders. It did for me.....

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