Is this rude or AIBU?

[Chelseapool]

Family member has had a baby, I messaged to say congrats and to let me know when convenient to make a short visit with gifts. Was told they'd rather not have a visit yet as they were recovering from CS but they then are seen out in local restaurant and shopping with baby etc.

Are they rude or am I being over sensitive? It's been many years since I have my child but I do remember being happy to have visitors, especially family.

What is the new baby visiting protocol now? Perhaps I'm just old fashioned and am prepared to be told I am!

You are being over sensitive. I hated those first few weeks of people visiting after the birth. I was exhausted and tired and didn’t want to be entertaining people.

And just because you have always been generous with this couple doesn’t mean that they owe you anything.

I don't think it's rude not wanting someone to come round, regardless of whether they've just had a baby or not. It's their home, their life. It's up to them whether they have visitors or not. You've asked, they've said not right now, end of. Maybe they'll invite you in time, maybe they won't but it's up to them just the same as if you were invited it would be up to you whether you went or not.
Why do so many people seem to think that everyone should meet their needs? It's the same with ghosting - you're not allowed (on Mumsnet) to let a 'friendship' slide & avoid hurting their feelings directly, you either have to explain in brutal terms why you don't want to see them or (preferably!) you have to continue seeing them for the rest of your life. It's madness!

I'm sorry but the new mum and dad are in the only ones in a position to judge whether or not it is the right time for a visit from a great aunt. They have made their decision and it should not cause offence or even be questioned.

Only they know how well they are coping, op you have absolutely no idea what is going on behind the scenes.

Only they know how much stress a visit from op usually causes. Yes, op says she is just popping round to drop off a gift but maybe for them they know they usually have to tidy up or put up with judgmental comments. I'm sure op is lovely but just give them some space.

If you actually cared about anyone in this new family you would just warmly wait until they are ready.

You are not being over sensitive

You’re being over sensitive.

I said yes to everyone with baby number 1 and was completely overwhelmed. I was tired from no sleep, people came, drank tea ate food in some sort of revolving door style. We’d get to 6 o’clock, baby would start it’s night time screaming, it would smell of perfume/aftershave and we’d realise we had loads of washing up to do from all the visitors, and had no food in the house.

With number 2 we put limits on visitors per day and life was much less fraught.

It sounds like your relative is being sensible. And they are clearly getting fed too (see above).

Perhaps just drop gifts off and say you’ll give a call in a couple of weeks to arrange visit?

Not being ready for visitors is not the same as not being able to leave the house.

Your message to them was perfect, why have the attitude change because they have been out? shopping is needed and maybe they had a spur of the moment lunch.

They are probably making the most of dad's paternity leave and you will get a chance to visit then.

How long has it been since you sent the message?
Maybe send another text asking how they are all doing and if it's ok to call round on x day as he may grow out of the gifts you have bought soon.

She has a lot going on, so maybe it has just slipped her mind about getting back to you?
Her deciding to go out could have been a spur of the moment thing, I really wouldn't take offence to it, especially if she is someone you consider yourself to be close to - give her the benefit of the doubt

Yanbu and you're not being over sensitive either. Good idea to give the present to your niece, hopefully the mother will get in touch and thank you at least.

I think you're being over sensitive. Maybe she's struggling after the birth. I had visitors after the birth but was often so tired I had to cut visits short. It was very embarrassing and I'd probably have been better off asking them to come once I was recovered. Going to the shops is different. You're not offending anyone by going home when you need to.
She might be struggling. Call and see how they are and if you can help.

YABU 2.5 weeks is nothing. They will have wanted some time to themselves and will now be entertaining the mandatory visits from parents, PIL, siblings, best friends and the inconsiderate people that just turn up. It's not that they don't want you there they just want very precious minute to themselves until they are ready.

I am pregnant with my first and dreading the visitors already, especially certain ones who will want to stay for hours on end.

I think everyone is different. I am sure they don't mean to upset you but the baby is still very young.

For me and my partner we had the first week just us then arranged our parents in the second week, then siblings. We liked to space out visitors as it was a bit overwhelming for us.

It didn't mean we weren't pleased to see them but you might just need to be a bit patient here. Once they are ready I'm sure they will be happy to see you. The baby isn't going anywhere.

Bare in mind after giving birth you have midwife appointments still, I also went to breastfeeding support as I was struggling and in the early days for me one appointment was a mission.

I hope you have a great visit with your great niece once they are ready.