To ask what to do about this manspreading arse?

[BastardGoDarkly]

Swimming classes, I don't know how but this bloke always ends up sat next to me.

My stomach drops every time he comes in.

He spreads himself out as much as possible, arms using his phone, and obviously legs together at ankles and knees as wide as they'll go.

I've got no room to move over, I hate it.

What do you do with manspreaders?

Yes @thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter (love the name!) that's a good point. Does he sit next to you every week OP, regardless of where you sit? If so he's not just a really annoying arsehole, he's creepy too

I had a woman do this to me once, on a boat trip in Maastricht. There was free seating and plenty of room so I just slid along the bench a bit. So did she. So I shuffled along again, so did she.....
Even DH and MIL noticed her pushing her leg up against me! I was just about to say something when she got off the boat. It was very weird.

ask if he actually needs two seats because he is fat or just rude.

Just have a pack of PostIts with "Inappropriate Physical Contact" written on them & keep sticking them to him until he takes the hint....

As someone who's always put up with this in a daft and long suffering way, can I say I'm flipping DELIGHTED to read all of these EXCELLENT suggestions, and I'm in London for a week next week, so I'm packing the sticky sandwiches and practicing my resting bitch face and my Get your fucking leg off mine NOW you cunt so that I'm fully prepared for a change in policy.
Bring 'em on!

NotUmbongoUnchained
😂😂

@butlerswharf Love the idea of jiggling. Will try this next time on the tube/train.

Wear your pointiest heels and ram your foot down as hard as possible onto his encroaching limb. Bonus points if you get all the way through to the floor!

I'd be afraid they'd think the jiggling was a come-on 😲

Oh yes, lift your bum cheek and fart on him...that'd be hilarious

notumbongounchaid
I would love to be brave enough to do that but he may find it a turn on if he is sitting so close to you cos he fancy you

Lick his arm.
Fart.
Then mutter with increasing volume
By the end of all, you will find yourself tossed unceremoniously onto the street but feel much the better for it.
What an utter git. Why do they not realise that flobbing their great, fat thighs about is such bad manners?

Womanspread EVERY TIME.

Grow long toe nails, file them into sharp points and claw the bastard everytime he gets too close.

You could pass him a note made of letters cut out of a newspaper that says

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST MAN WHO TOOK UP MY SPACE?"

Or, as I say, just ask him to move out of your sace

Rolled up big fat towel (“for darling DC”) in between you, and / or holdall bag.

Stare intensely at him with a strange unhinged smile.

I once farted on a man who stood very close to me in an otherwise empty lift. It was LOUD

Oh wow seniorita that’s amazing! What did he do??

'Please move down the bench, there's plenty of room and I don't like being squashed'.

Pour a drink on the seat next to you. Preferably chocolate milkshake.

at lift farting!

"Stop manspreading all over me you twat"

Resting ankle on the opposite knee so your dirty shoe sole is on their knee is good.

Some dickhead asked me to stop once on the tube as I was getting his trousers dirty. Hey dickhead, get out of my space then!

If your changing rooms are like ours you can wet your shoes in puddles first for maximum effect.

I'd be torn between three options:

1. skooch up the bench away from him slightly then place my bag between us, tutting and huffing loudly at the same time in the very British way

2. lay my head on his shoulder and pretend to fall asleep, play him at his own game

3. loudly and sarcastically ask him if he'd like to sit on my knee seeing as he seems so keen on getting so close

Which side of the bed I'd gotten out of would probably determine which option I went with!