Hi MNers,
I don't know where to start. So I will waffle my way through probably missing huge chunks.
Been with DH for 8 years married for 4.5. We have our beautiful preschooler who is 3.5 years.
There has been times in the past I have thought about leaving and almost nearly have but then wonder if I am just being a drama queen princess.
During our non married years it was fun with an element of seriousness from him. Almost talking to me like a child and telling me off if I had done something wrong (and not in a kinky way!)
After our LO was born it was horrendous, she was super poorly with severe reflux and allergies. Never slept. He was shocking used to moan about her crying and screaming and never helped. I had to foot all the private medical bills etc (NHS wouldnt do anything to help).
Resentment grew. I was like a single parent.
A few years go by, I just feel he never has anything good to say. Hes had outbursts in the past calling me a C word in front of our daughter because he thought I was changing. Infact I had lost a lot of weight and was starting to get my confidence back so I was feeling really good. He moans when I go to the gym, moans when I don't go. I don't know what he wants of me?
Every weekend he lays in to me over something trivial and blows it all out of proportion.
Example; a few months ago I had forgot to get a pint of milk. He was on the train home so I messaged him asking if he could get a pint of milk on his walk back from the train station (LO was in bed). I got a barrage of abuse saying how lazy I was and how unorganised and forgetful I am . Pulling up all kinds of random shite that was coming from no where. Cue tears.
A couple of weeks ago it was Friday, he was on the train on the way back from work, I text him suggesting what we could do at the weekend as the weather was meant to be glorious. Again when he got home I got it in the neck again. Saying that im hassling him and its not a relaxing plan (it was a picnic with our LO) im trying to organise his down time bla bla. Went on all evening, Cue tears. Now I am banned from messaging him on his way home.
Everything has a negative caveat to it. If I suggest something its always hit with a no or a negative response.
Tonight he came home. Went immediately upstairs to change and came back down to immediately say "oh i see the carpet is trashed" LO had knocked over a cup of coffee which I couldn't for the life of me get out. So now he has a face on and will bring it up at some point either later tonight or tomorrow.
I have recently been on a course to do with work and my mum and MIL and him, rallied around to help as it was for a week long so they all took it in turns to look after LO. He constantly throws it in my face that "everyone" rallied round to help me and why should they etc.
Yesterday I had a late client meeting, so I asked him if it was possible that he could leave work on the dot so I could make the meeting. He was fine with this. Then decided when I got home that he would throw it in my face that he had loads to do at work and came home especially on time so I could make my meeting.
All this is not doing my anxiety any good. Everytime he has an episode of moaning or grumpiness it gives me the shakes.
I would like to add, I am recently self employed. I work all the hours my LO is at preschool and the evenings too. I keep the house clean, dinners on the table every night and do the bedtime routine every night. I also get my gym in 3/4 times a week. So I am bloody shattered and like most of us, its a juggling act. He pays me a small amount every month for this. It covers my bills.
I feel like my wings are clipped. We talk all the time after every single "episode". It changes for a few days or a week and then reverts.
The above is scratching the surface and so minor. I have a list as long as my street as to all the various episodes and things he throws in my face. I just constantly feel like I am not an equal and that hes the teacher and I am beneath him. Hes constantly grumpy and short patience with LO. Even my LO calls him grumpy (not prompted by me!) I feel like I walk on eggshells and am constantly asking if hes ok and if I ask more than once he gets real shitty
I am trapped. I rely on him financially and just don't know how I could do it on my own.
AIBU or is this just normal grumpy husband behaviour?
Apologies for any typos. I am typing super quick so I can get downstairs on time!!
Thank you