My sister is getting married because I am.

[monkeymonkeyswinginginthetree]

DP and I decided about 2 months ago that we want to get married in August 2019. We wanted to wait until a ring was on my finger before we told everyone however I did tell my sister. A week before DP and I decided, I spoke to my sister (who is engaged) about her wedding plans. She answered that she cannot afford to get married and it’s a long way off yet. I spoke to her privately about mine and DP’s plans. My sister and I have always been very close and it isn’t unusual I should tell her.

3 days later she announces that she’s getting married. In May 2019. And she is about to put a deposit down on a venue! I am younger than her by 6 years so I think that maybe she doesn’t want her younger sister to get married before her. But I recently announced my engagement and now I look like I’m copying her, when in fact our wedding plans had been sealed before her!

My parents are concerned that her fiancé isn’t interested in the wedding at all. My sister spent a year asking him to propose to her, and when he made it clear he wasn’t ready, she decided to propose to him, because she was bored of waiting. She’s been engaged once before too, she spent 2 years trying to get a man to propose, and once he did, she dumped him and went to find the next man. I feel like it’s all a big game to her, however it’s getting in the way of what should be a special time for me. I don’t really know what my AIBU is. AIBU to be upset? AIBU to tell her how I feel?!

I see a cancelled wedding in her future so I wouldn't be too concerned about the date and timing of her pick.

I imagine it will fall through before the wedding. May is a significant enough time away from August to make it not matter that much.

Enjoy planning your wedding and congratulations.

I can see why you might feel upset but I think you are BU to tell her how you feel or to make a big deal out of it.
End of the day your engagement is the real deal and you will have a lovely wedding and hopefully be happy together... why does anything your sister does alter that?

If what you say is true and her partner doesnt really want to get married and the whole thing is a bit of a context to her... then I think the proper emotion would be pity.... its not going to work out well for her is it?

I dont think you should really worry about this at all. Just get on with your own engagement and wedding and enjoy it! Why does this need to get in the way of your special time? Dont be like your sister and disconnect from this 'competition' Your wedding is not about competition or whos copied who or any of that... its marrying the man you love.

contest sorry not context

As she was already engaged and your wedding is well over a year away it can’t be the biggest shocker that she’s marrying before you.

She was already engaged though wasn't she? So you were always announcing your engagement after hers. That being said I agree with LeighaJ that if her DPs heart isn't in it it may end being cancelled before then anyway. Either way I wouldn't worry about it

I don't understand how it's getting in the way of your wedding planning? Just carry on with what you're doing, surely. The weddings are three months apart, so no issue there. Either her wedding will go ahead or it won't, but either way, it makes no difference to yours, surely? She was engaged already, no one will think you are copying by also getting engaged, and for having a wedding a few months later.

I think I’m upset because she announced her wedding date, and then a week later I announced a wedding date only a few months away from hers.

Well. I'm on the fence. She said she'll be waiting a while to marry when you spoke to her before, but a year is quite a long time, so she wasn't necessarily hurrying her wedding forward. Also, she was engaged before you, and it may be that you getting married has made her realise they ought to set a date really.
On the other hand, the slightly petty hand, I would be a bit annoyed. May and August aren't so close though that it'll pose a problem imo.

It sounds like a bit of sibling rivalry from you both.

She wants to be married first, you want to piss on her chips about her upcoming marriage and her relationship.

Just relax with each other and enjoy the planning.

Someone else getting married doesn’t take anything away from your wedding. They’re different occasions. I don’t think anyone will have thought your announcement any the less ‘exciting’ just because your sister announced her date before.
In fact, do people get excited by others announcing their wedding date? Engagements, yes but announcing the date?

I think Yabu. Neither of you are going to be seen as copying the other because neither of you invented getting married. Just forget about it and enjoy your day.

Just be happy for your sister and be there for her if it goes tits up. This is two days in a long life. Don't let it spoil your relationship.

Why not have a cheaper, bigger double celebration?? You're close sisters??

Nobody is going to think you "copied". Weddings are lovely but the idea is hardly original.

My two SILs were in this situation, the "copier" booked her wedding for the week after. Never happened. She's still "engaged".

The weddings are months apart. You'd have grounds for being a bit shirty if it was a couple of weeks before, but there's plenty of time between. Be happy for your sister.

I don’t see this as an issue - my DSis and I both got married in the same year. Very different weddings, in different countries but both special days.

3 months apart is loads. When i got married i had friends getting married the month before which was still fine and didnt rain on my parade.

Announcing a date is fine. Its a bit special snowflake to think shes not allowed to have news in the months around your engagement announcement!!

I get where you are coming from op, my sister is having a baby because I am. (I’ve been with dh 9.5 years)
Shes been with the guy 4 months and announces she’s pregnant. I’m due 4 months before her.

Am I the only perplexed old bat wondering if either of these sisters is mature enough to be getting married?! And when did weddings become a competitive sport?

She is just very jealous and it will more than likely backfire. My DM announced her engagment, so her younger sister who was jealous and didn’t want to be left behind, got engaged and raced her wedding through first. She was married all of three days before leaving her DH for good. When my DM first got engaged, her DS “borrowed” her engagment ring while DM was at work. DS lost it while wearing it out.

Babdoc glad you called yourself an old bat before I got there. You can not determine my maturity from a single post on the internet. Get a grip. I was posting for advice and to be told if I am being unreasonable. I am happy to accept that I am and value the advice and opinions I have received here. I will stand by my sister throughout this and not make an issue of it.

Very off of your sister to do that. Quite sly and definitely deliberate to get in first.

Had similar from my sil....who had her wedding a month or so before me -a big show, all about her (of course).....and guess what? She is now getting divorced having been cheating on bil for at least a year of their short marriage.

Yanbu to be pissed off. Don’t (for the love of god) tell her ANY of your plans. Keep everything a closed book as I can guess she will simply steal ideas

I think that you need to remember that getting married is not just about a wedding day, it's about a lifetime commitment. If she is only doing it to have a wedding day, then I think you will come out of this much better in the long run. Just remember the bigger picture.