My sister is getting married because I am.

[monkeymonkeyswinginginthetree]

DP and I decided about 2 months ago that we want to get married in August 2019. We wanted to wait until a ring was on my finger before we told everyone however I did tell my sister. A week before DP and I decided, I spoke to my sister (who is engaged) about her wedding plans. She answered that she cannot afford to get married and it’s a long way off yet. I spoke to her privately about mine and DP’s plans. My sister and I have always been very close and it isn’t unusual I should tell her.

3 days later she announces that she’s getting married. In May 2019. And she is about to put a deposit down on a venue! I am younger than her by 6 years so I think that maybe she doesn’t want her younger sister to get married before her. But I recently announced my engagement and now I look like I’m copying her, when in fact our wedding plans had been sealed before her!

My parents are concerned that her fiancé isn’t interested in the wedding at all. My sister spent a year asking him to propose to her, and when he made it clear he wasn’t ready, she decided to propose to him, because she was bored of waiting. She’s been engaged once before too, she spent 2 years trying to get a man to propose, and once he did, she dumped him and went to find the next man. I feel like it’s all a big game to her, however it’s getting in the way of what should be a special time for me. I don’t really know what my AIBU is. AIBU to be upset? AIBU to tell her how I feel?!

If you do have a competitive dynamic going, then it'd be a good idea to not overly involve each other in the wedding planning, tho. Otherwise it'll be a source of friction and weddings are supposed to be joyful things.

In the nicest possible way, nobody else cares. They will just be happy for you and your sister. No-one but you will be thinking about who "announced" what first.

You’re all right. I may be more upset about it on a personal level than an ‘outer appearance’. I’m more hurt that she’s quite clearly gotten in first. If that wasn’t the, when we spoke, surely she would have told me they’re getting the ball rolling too. Which wouldn’t upset me, she was already engaged so a wedding isn’t a suprise! It’s just the reason she’s done it has upset me. Not for only my sake, but for hers too.

Maybe when u announce ur dates let ur parents know that u have been thinking about it for a while and that it’s a coincidence that u would announce at same time as ur sister but that it’s her who kept her plans a secret from urs because u had already told her ur dates beforehand.

I think don’t mention anything to her.

It is petty I know. But not worth the fuss.. be happy for her.she might be insecure about this so don’t poke at it.. but don’t let that ruin ur happiness either... focus on urself

YANBU. Of COURSE she is doing it 'to get in first' because she can't bear the idea of you getting married first. Bit daft really isn't it? And despite what @babdoc said, there IS a lot of competitiveness around weddings with sisters and cousins and friends. No point denying it!

The sister is obviously just making sure she does it first, as before the OP went and told her sister about it, she said it was LONG way off yet and would after the OP's.

Petty and daft.

Can you bring your wedding forward a bit more OP? Like to March '19?

If not, I would ask your sister WHY she has suddenly decided to get married 3 months before you. Can you talk to her about it?

I think yanbu to be a bit hurt. Because u expect a sister to be happy for u instead of one-up you. But maybe u are over analysing and maybe she did have a date set but has agreed with her fiancé to not share before they agree.

Are u more open with her than she is with u ?

Suggest a double wedding, throw some figures around and watch her df crumble and call theirs off.

@DontTouchTheMoustache

Yep.

Seriously, OP, no-one cares. The absolute worst case scenario is that people have two parties to go to in a year, rather than one, which I would personally see as a win.

It's a bit like babies: the only people weddings or babies are important to are the couple to be married and their parents, or the couple having a baby and the grandparents.

The rest of the world sits somewhere on a spectrum of 'how lovely' to 'couldn't give a toss'.

I'd wager that she'll get divorced first too. I wouldn't worry about racing against each other too much.

think I’m upset because she announced her wedding date, and then a week later I announced a wedding date only a few months away from hers.

But why does it upset you? I mean it's nothing to get upset over. She was engaged, she is getting married. Nothing to do with your own plans.

I don’t want to bring my wedding forward, I don’t want to play her at her own game. I cannot afford to spend a lot of money on playing a game my date is August because it’s a special month for us.

I don't see the game

God, this is pathetic.

Her game is, anytime I mention my wedding to my mother, my ideas and plans, what i’d like to do. She either jumps in with ‘well want I’m doing’ or she turns the conversation around to be about her wedding and mine doesn’t get a word in edgways.

Surely that's just conversation though?

Subject in common

I wouldn't be sharing any details of my wedding as I'd worry about having very similar weddings.

Just tell her a big secret that you're considering wearing purple, having dancing dogs and a circus in the grounds for entertainment plus a helicopter to whisk you off after the ceremony.

Then just sit back and enjoy the show 😁

YABU. You only get one day, not an entire year.

what adult worries about being copied?

get out of the playground. Even in the unlikely event that she does marry, who cares if she does the same as you? Most weddings are identikit anyway.

remember it is 'a public statement of a private intention' Keep that in mind and don't waste the next 15 months of your life farting about with ultra-trivial stuff. It should not be the best day of your life, if so it would all be downhill after that.

Babdoc, I hadn't seen that when you first posted, but having seen OP's replies, I think you're on to something!

You sound jealous. I don't get it. She was engaged before you, and picked a date really far from yours

Everybody, thank you!! The reason I posted was because I needed another perspective and you have given me that. I agree that it’s not the end of the world and my relationship with my sister is the most important thing here. Thank you all!

Tell your parents you’re pissed off that you confided in your sis when your wedding date was going to be, and she told you there’s would be much later and that you feel let down by her deliberately changing plans to ‘get in first’

You aren’t asking them to say or do anything, just for them to know why you are a bit pissed off

My DB and SIL got engaged, a couple of months later my SIL and BIL got engaged, we got engaged a couple of months after that.
We were married first - because they wanted 12-18 months to plan and we wanted a smaller do and were already trying for a baby. Weddings ended up being four months apart.
Each wedding was completely different - different size, venues, style etc etc. They were all lovely and special to the couple.
We were all happy with our days and nobody seemed to mind.

Kindest way possible
Get a grip