My sister is getting married because I am.

[monkeymonkeyswinginginthetree]

DP and I decided about 2 months ago that we want to get married in August 2019. We wanted to wait until a ring was on my finger before we told everyone however I did tell my sister. A week before DP and I decided, I spoke to my sister (who is engaged) about her wedding plans. She answered that she cannot afford to get married and it’s a long way off yet. I spoke to her privately about mine and DP’s plans. My sister and I have always been very close and it isn’t unusual I should tell her.

3 days later she announces that she’s getting married. In May 2019. And she is about to put a deposit down on a venue! I am younger than her by 6 years so I think that maybe she doesn’t want her younger sister to get married before her. But I recently announced my engagement and now I look like I’m copying her, when in fact our wedding plans had been sealed before her!

My parents are concerned that her fiancé isn’t interested in the wedding at all. My sister spent a year asking him to propose to her, and when he made it clear he wasn’t ready, she decided to propose to him, because she was bored of waiting. She’s been engaged once before too, she spent 2 years trying to get a man to propose, and once he did, she dumped him and went to find the next man. I feel like it’s all a big game to her, however it’s getting in the way of what should be a special time for me. I don’t really know what my AIBU is. AIBU to be upset? AIBU to tell her how I feel?!

I’d genuinely be happy if my sister had got married the same summer as me and we could share talk and plans. We’re not even that close, but I’d be happy to share th happiness

Her game is, anytime I mention my wedding to my mother, my ideas and plans, what i’d like to do. She either jumps in with ‘well want I’m doing’ or she turns the conversation around to be about her wedding and mine doesn’t get a word in edgways.

Well, don't discuss your wedding plans around her. Let it all be about her and talk to your mum about it when she's not around. You've got over a year of this, don't buy into it.

How old are you both? 12?

Her wedding is going to be months before yours. Presumably it's a different venue etc. It's not unusually for families to have 2 weddings in a year. Sorry but I don't really see what the issue is. And I can totally understand why your sister would want to get married first if they got engaged first as it might look a little odd otherwise. You maybe spurred her on to pull her finger out but you must have expected her to get married at some point since she's engaged.

I think she’s prob a bit jealous that you’ve managed to get engaged and then plan the wedding date, and she hasn’t. It’s obv prompted her to do something about it!
I wouldn’t be upset about the closeness of the wedding, as others have said 3 months is a long time and it’ll be nice to have 2 parties in one year! Wedding date announcements being a week apart aren’t such a big deal to me either, I really doubt anyone would think you’re copying her.
However I can understand you’re upset about her stopping you talking about your wedding. I assume this has all happened fairly recently and it may just be excitement that she feels she can finally talk about plans, which will calm down. Sounds like you’re close so I’d just have a quick chat about how you’d like to talk about your wedding for a bit as well

Is there a history of sibling rivalry monkey? Has she done this type of thing before? My ex-SIL was a bit like this with XH, she couldn't bear to be outdone by him. Whenever we had any family news to announce, engagement, marriage, pregnancy etc., withing a week she'd have some big thing of her own she'd hastily organised. When we announced the wedding date, she got engaged to someone she'd only know for a month or two, then decided she was getting married two weeks before us. MIL almost fell out with her over it but she was determined, however couldn't get booked anywhere so it was a month later instead.

When we announced the date our first DC was due, she booked her second marriage for a week before, at the other end of the country, then complained when we couldn't come. PILs didn't go either as they wanted to be around for first GC, who turned up early on their wedding day - she was furious!

Funnily enough XH never got involved in her oneupmanship. He just ignored everything she did, while she tied herself in knots trying to outdo him. It was very amusing, so I suggest that instead of getting wound up by it, just ignore her, or laugh off any attempts to steal your thunder. It's so much more relaxing.

YABVU but it's really immature behaviour from both of you tbh. Who cares who's 'first' or who's 'copying' who? It's a wedding- you haven't trademarked the concept. Sounds like something out of a nursery school playground.

Jesus christ are people really this childish and pathetic about "who booked it first, she copied me, meh meh meh"

We had some friends get engaged like the week after we did, I was happy for them! Weddings are meant to be a celebration not a fucking competition!

Honestly, I don't think it matters. Mother in law got engaged after me and DH, but married before us (6 weeks ish). 5 years on, I can't remember who did what first, and I really don't care. Yes it may be frustrating, but it doesn't really impact on your celebration.

I really don't see why it makes any difference who gets married first or who announces what, when? I'm with @babdoc, you're being childish. Be happy for, if it all goes pearshaped, then feel bad for her. I don't see why is ruining anything for you.

”I think I’m upset because she announced her wedding date, and then a week later I announced a wedding date only a few months away from hers.”

I’m still completely clueless as to why on earth that is anything to be upset about. Why does it matter that she announced a week before you, and if for some strange reason it did matter, why go ahead and announce?

I think I must inhabit a completely different universe.

I met and married DH in less than seven months, we got engaged in mid-April and we were married by mid-July.

Our entire relationship from the day we met to the day we got married was shorter than one of DH's relatives (not a siblings) engagement. They got married in September so we managed to sneak our wedding in two months before theirs. Their date had been set before DH even met me.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say I didn't even think about their wedding when we booked ours. Two months seemed like a long time between weddings, and we had reasons for wanting to get married as quickly as possible (not pregnancy).

They were fine about it (I think) and the only advice I can give to you is not to discuss anything about your wedding with her if A) you think she will copy it and B) it's important to you to have that particular aspect of it 'unique' to you.

Are your styles usually similar? Will you both want a church wedding or will one of you prefer a less traditional venue? What will make your wedding really personal to you and how likely is she to copy it if she knows about it? If there are things that will bother you, all you can do now is keep those things to yourself so she can't copy them, but accept that most weddings have lots in common with most other weddings and accept that her jumping in first is more about her than about you. Unless you let it get to you.

I'd tell her you were now going for August 2020 not 19 as there are soooo many amazing special things you've got planned and you need the extra time to save up and get them booked as they are soooo exclusive. Then watch her combust trying to get it out of you what's going on