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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU carpool mum seems to be unkind to my DS

57 replies

Simbachippy · 22/05/2018 12:37

I don’t want to overreact but my DS who is 9 came home crying yesterday after the carpool mum automatically closed the rear-boot door and he hit his head. I am sure this was unintentional but she did not apologize to my son or even get out the car to help him when this happened.

He often tells me that she doesn’t like him and won’t greet him when she picks him up. I thought maybe he was just being sensitive. However after what happened yesterday I feel that she is being unkind. AIBU or sensitive?

Tempted to just cancel the carpool.

OP posts:
immortalmarble · 22/05/2018 12:38

I would if it was upsetting my child —soft—

mmgirish · 22/05/2018 12:41

Cancel. You'll just worry about it if you don't.

Abra1de · 22/05/2018 12:42

She sounds unkind. I’d cancel.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/05/2018 12:43

ADK her about what happened and cancel.
If my child hit their head I’d like to be informed and tbh I cannot imagine any of the parents that I know not mentioning it!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/05/2018 12:43

ADK - I’d

Dizzylin · 22/05/2018 12:43

Did she know he'd hit his head? If she did then she sounds horrible, who doesn't check a child is ok when they've been hurt and she certainly should have apologised. I'd personally ask her if she was aware of what had happened and explain how upset your DS was. If she was aware definitely cancel, if not I'd decide on her reaction to your conversation. Hope your DS is ok.

Trinity66 · 22/05/2018 12:44

If your child is feeling like that I'd cancel if that's doable for you. She sounds horrible

yolofish · 22/05/2018 12:46

been there done that (not the hitting on the head bit) but she was not nice to my oldest - so I cancelled but chickened out with a white lie. She knew though and we never spoke again, which was fine - whole thing only started because she'd just had a baby and I was trying to be nice. Never again!

HappyLollipop · 22/05/2018 12:47

Cancel the carpool arrangement and even if he's being 'sensitive' he feels uncomfortable with this woman and that's enough reason to put a stop to it.

rosesandflowers · 22/05/2018 12:49

Cancel it.
Worst case scenario, you've overreacted a bit and now have to find a travel alternative. Best, you've saved your son from emotional (and possibly physical) damage.

UserInfinityplus1 · 22/05/2018 12:50

Cancel it. She sounds unpleasant for not greeting/speaking to your son and a lunatic for not checking he was ok after hitting him on the head with her boot!

DuchyDuke · 22/05/2018 12:52

I wouldn’t make any changes until I had a word with her and the other car pool mums first.

Wolfiefan · 22/05/2018 12:54

Did she even know he had hit his head? If she did then that's unkind.
Does she greet the others? If she does and not your son then that's unkind.
If not maybe he's being over sensitive. Cancelling is your call. What do you think?

Original poster
Simbachippy · 22/05/2018 12:54

Thanks for your responses.

This is an arrangement between her and I only. So no other mums to chat with.

I have just sent her a message asking her if she was aware my DS got hurt.

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 22/05/2018 12:56

Did she know she’d hit him? Extremely odd behaviour not check a child in her care was ok, particularly when she was at fault.

However from my own childhood I do remember how awful it was to be trapped in a car with an adult who made you uncomfortable.

If I though my child was seriously distressed I’d be inclined to cancel.

Wolfiefan · 22/05/2018 12:56

Be careful. I would rather speak to her than message. There's a big difference between "he says he hit his head. Do you knew what happened?" And "did you know you hurt my child"!

colditz · 22/05/2018 13:01

ohhhh this is going to blow

You're assuming she knew and didn't care and that assumption comes across in your message

notacooldad · 22/05/2018 13:10

To be honest if my son had been saying for a while he didnt like her and he isn't normally a whinger I'd listen and then cancel the arrangement.
If nothing else it proves that you care about his feelings and treat them seriously.

veggiethrower · 22/05/2018 13:10

Maybe she didn't realize what had happened.
I'd talk to her first before cancelling the car pool.

Angrybird345 · 22/05/2018 13:16

Has she not responded yet? Why do you do the carpool?

TheBlueDot · 22/05/2018 13:16

9 is still young. If he’s feeling uncomfortable with her and you can manage without the carpool, I would stop.

malovitt · 22/05/2018 13:17

My aunt's best friend was killed when a boot came down heavily on her head whilst she was leaning in.
Probably not the same as the automatic closing of modern cars as they do so slowly but still, it could have caught him awkwardly and been dangerous.

Original poster
Simbachippy · 22/05/2018 13:23

So I’ve just messaged her.

I asked her if she was aware my DS got hurt yesterday. She said she was unaware and asked me for the details. She apologized and said she would make it up to him with a treat, which I said was unnecessary.

See when I have addressed “concerns” with her, it all seems fine and well however my DS is clearly uncomfortable and now I need to decide if I am going to cancel this carpool.

OP posts:
upsideup · 22/05/2018 13:24

Why are you assuming she doesnt know? She probably didnt see and then he didnt tell her.

Hissy · 22/05/2018 13:26

pull out of this arrangement, your DS thinks she dislikes him and HE thinks it was malicious.

It's the not bothering to get out or see what had happened that is the give away.

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