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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU carpool mum seems to be unkind to my DS

57 replies

Simbachippy · 22/05/2018 12:37

I don’t want to overreact but my DS who is 9 came home crying yesterday after the carpool mum automatically closed the rear-boot door and he hit his head. I am sure this was unintentional but she did not apologize to my son or even get out the car to help him when this happened.

He often tells me that she doesn’t like him and won’t greet him when she picks him up. I thought maybe he was just being sensitive. However after what happened yesterday I feel that she is being unkind. AIBU or sensitive?

Tempted to just cancel the carpool.

OP posts:
BlueJava · 22/05/2018 13:27

My view would be he's only 9 and he's uncomfortable with the arrangement so if it was doable I'd cancel it and take myself. I'd just say sorry, perhaps he isn't ready for it yet. Hopefully leaving it open for later.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/05/2018 13:28

She actually tells you out right that she doesn't like your child and you leave hIm in her care. I'm sorry op but I wouldnt trust her.

Wolfiefan · 22/05/2018 13:31

Aww where does it say this person doesn't like the OP's son?

Original poster
Simbachippy · 22/05/2018 13:32

I did assume she knew because my son said he screamed when it happened and her son asked him if he was okay.

However I accept what she has said.

I still need to be aware though that my DS is uncomfortable and do I cancel the carpool based on that. I don’t need to do the carpool. I do it to save time.

OP posts:
Homemenu1 · 22/05/2018 13:35

Thing is op she’s not going to say yes I knew he was hurt and ignored him. Ds isn’t comfortable and it’s not a one off. I’d cancel tbh

newlabelwriter · 22/05/2018 13:40

I've had a similar with my DC and we were in a reciprocal childcare arrangement. DS (who I thought really liked this mum) kept telling me that he was getting blamed for everything all the time, the other mum would shout at him and let her DC get away with things. Nothing too bad but it was really upsetting him and when he started to ask to go to after school club instead (which he's really not keen on) and crying before school on the days he went I spoke to work to change my hours so I could collect him instead. I know it's not always possible to do this, but I just had to weigh up the situation. Good luck with the outcome, these things are so tricky.

CoraPirbright · 22/05/2018 13:41

I did assume she knew because my son said he screamed when it happened and her son asked him if he was okay

How on earth could she claim not to have known? Confused. In any event, just cancel and claim you would like a little one-to-one time with your son. He feels uncomfortable and, as it isnt an absolute necessity for you then I would listen to him.

OverTheHedgeHammy · 22/05/2018 13:42

Either she didn't know or she did know and didn't bother checking on him and telling you, so is pretending she didn't know. I don't see that you are any better off than you were before.

I think you should cancel the arrangement.

ahouseofleaves · 22/05/2018 13:43

If your son is uncomfortable with her, I think you should cancel. She might be upset, but your responsibility is to your son. But you know that, of course.

I did assume she knew because my son said he screamed when it happened and her son asked him if he was okay.

She knew, then. She should have checked on him as a matter of course.

expatinscotland · 22/05/2018 13:53

Time to cancel as soon as possible. By text if you'd like. 'Going to end the carpool arrangement after today. You'll need to make other arrangements. x' The end.

passmetheloppers · 22/05/2018 13:53

Ask your ds how he feels about it and if he doesn't want to go with her any more, then cancel.

fruitbrewhaha · 22/05/2018 13:57

I think I would cancel. Is she a good friend, or just someone ging the same way. Your choices to me are:

Cancel, stick up for DS, potentially piss her off, inconvenience yourself with having to do all the school run.

or

Your son thinks you don't care that she is upsetting him.

What does your DS want you to do?

MumofBoysx2 · 22/05/2018 14:09

If it was me I wouldn't like him going with her, she sounds like a grumpy witch! I would definitely take him myself.

mostdays · 22/05/2018 14:26

Of course I would cancel.

Original poster
Simbachippy · 22/05/2018 14:54

Thanks for your replies.

She is not my friend, we just have DC in the same school and live in the same area.

I’ve spoken to my DD who is 7 and is also in the car. She told me the mum doesn’t really speak to them and when she does talk to my DS, she sounds angry and different to when she speaks to her, my DD.

I am going to speak to her later and cancel the carpool.

OP posts:
Dizzylin · 22/05/2018 14:59

If your Son is uncomfortable with her I would definitely cancel even without anything happening.

OlennasWimple · 22/05/2018 15:06

How much longer have you got at school this year? What is the imapct on you all of having to do all the school journeys without help from Car Pool Mum?

Ohmydayslove · 22/05/2018 15:12

You know what op kids just know. Kids know the nasty adults. I would trust his judgment. She sounds s bully and a cow.

Have your kids back and cancel.

ohfourfoxache · 22/05/2018 15:14

She doesn’t sound particularly pleasant. You’re doing the right thing by cancelling

PurplePumpkinPiss · 22/05/2018 15:19

good idea OP, that doesn't sound very nice for your DS. If your DD has even noticed then there is something up.

Tara336 · 22/05/2018 15:33

I think in your position I’d cancel. For young children to feel/notice this woman’s attitude says to me she’s not being kind to them. She sounds horrible for a 7 year old to pick up on it

Jonbb · 22/05/2018 15:36

It may be your child is picking up on vibes that may not be directed at him.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 22/05/2018 15:39

Surely most decent ppl automatically apologise.

PolkaHots · 22/05/2018 15:44

Oh god, yes definitely cancel!

Witchend · 22/05/2018 15:45

The only people I know who have automatic boots they close so slowly then it wouldn't do more than give you a bit of a touch on the head. They're also set up so if they touch something they go back up again.