To tell colleague she can't change her name?

[Professionalminefield]

To summarise:

I am a GP partner, and have been at the practice I work at for over 20 years. I changed my name when I got married, but continued to practise under my maiden name, as that's what my patients know me by.

We have a relatively new partner in the practice, who has the same first name as me. (Let's say it's Lucy). She is getting married in the summer, and is planning on changing her name both personally and professionally.

The issue is that, as I found out today, her fiancé's surname is almost identical to my professional name. My surname is Townsend, her married name is Townshend.

So our practice will have a Dr Lucy Townsend and a Dr Lucy Townshend.

This is absolutely not going to work for multiple reasons:
- Many patients, especially those who don't come that regularly, struggle to remember who their GP is, or which GP they want to see. They're not going to be able to distinguish between Dr Townsend and Dr Townshend if prompted on the phone.
- We are in an ethnically diverse area with high levels of immigration. As a result, many of our receptionists (who give out some appointments) and our patients are not native English speakers and will struggle to hear the very slight difference between the names.

WIBU to tell my colleague that she can't change her name?

The partnership made the decision it believed to be in its best professional interests. How on earth is that "ganging up" or "bullying"? MN really is a parallel universe sometimes

Because, surely in the interests of building respectful professional relationships, the OP should have first talked to the other doctor, pointed out the potential problems, set out the options and her preferred solution, then sought that other doctor's input, and persuaded her to adopt her solution. If it couldn't be resolved that way, then you might involve a third person to advise / arbitrate etc.

It's not necessarily bullying the way it was done (we've no idea how the conversation went - it's not even clear if this other doctor was in the meeting), but it still seems an unthoughtful way to resolve it.

If I tell her she can't, then she can't.

What's the difference between doctors and God?

God doesn't think she's a doctor.

Seriously, this is not a question of setting clinic hours or changing vendors for disposables. Work it out with her as two professionals.

I don't agree that it's petulant and childish - it was a problem that could have caused much confusion and upset for many patients, and now it has been solved by suggesting that the soon-to-be Townshend GP should maintain her present name, as she is already known at the surgery; leaving the been-Townsend-for-20-years GP to be the only Townsend GP in this practice.
Common sense, really.

Oh yeah, and you come across like a cunt.

And you don't??

Grow up FFS.

Good stuff OP, nice to have a happy ending...

The partnership made the decision it believed to be in its best professional interests. How on earth is that "ganging up" or "bullying"?

Because it’s not the partnership’s decision whether she changes her name professionally or not. She is part of said partnership anyway.

Sure it’s reasonable to point out some of the issues it might cause if she hasn’t considered them already, but it’s not their decision whether she changes her name or not. Maybe she can’t be arsed with the hassle of having 2 different names and needing to have ID and bank accounts in different names.

Pulled rank did you?

That's the whole point of rank, the ones above tell the ones below what to do.

T'ain't Rocket Science.....

Honestly people! The OP came here because she was mildly worried about offending a colleague, not because she is an egotistical bully.
OP I think you handled it fine and it’s the obvious solution. I do know how GP surgeries work and it sounds reasonable and amicably resolved. The new Dr Townshend must have realised it herself.
Lesson I suppose is, don’t come to Mums net. There are some right idiots on here.

Well, I brought it up in the practice meeting this morning
You couldn't have a civil conversation with her first? You're a supposed professional ffs, if you we're my Dr. I'd be asking to transfer to the nice other Dr Lucy.

Have you actually tried talking to her?
Will tou be senior doc when she gets married or at some point after?

Lucy I just wanted to confirm, will you continue to practice under your maiden name after the marriage as that is what your patient's know you as?
Well no, I really want to be Lucy Townshend in every aspect of my life.
I see. My concern is the confusion it will cause to our elderly, ethnically diverse etc patients, as well as the ones who have come to know you as Dr Sprogg. I really think that it might be advantageous for the practice and our patients if you continue to be Dr Sprogg whilst here. What do you think?

id rather see the experienced doctor that id known for years

Have an actual conversation with the person themselves over a cup of tea. Don’t be an arse. I’m sure this can be resolved without pulling rank or generally getting silly.

It wasn't bullying. Bullying is sustained and systematic - not a one off difference of opinion over a professional matter where there would be a negative impact on the people the practice is set up to serve.

People on here are heartbroken if someone takes a similar username and are treated with more sympathy than the OP and there are threads galore on not wanting their kid to be one of 3 Toms in Reception. I'd be personally irritated in the OPs case but it was clearly professionally unworkable. I'm sure the other Dr will not be devastated not to conform to sentiment and patriarchy and can change her professional name if she still wishes if at any point she moves to a new practice.

Cancel the cheque!!!

Absolutely @WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree

Illustriously - but surely behind the concept of "pulling rank" is that much of the time a senior person does not need to give an order to his subordinate, because in healthy workplaces, people work as a team, discussing the way forward, recognising what's best for everyone and working towards that. "Pulling rank" is then reserved for those occasions where is disagreement and the person at the top has to make the decision and expect it to be implemented.

The OP came here because she was mildly worried about offending a colleague
If that was her concern, why not have the conversation first with the colleague and get her agreement, rather than potentially embarrassing her in front of everyone else. (Still not clear if the junior colleague was at the meeting or told afterwards, which isn't much better).

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree - you're right, the junior colleague should actually be thanking the OP for saving her from being oppressed by the patriarchy.

@Pengggwyn

I thought they worked like employers under U.K. law, but now it appears they work like the Inner Party of the USSR. I stand corrected.

OP - you handled it poorly. No idea why you couldn't just have a normal conversation with your colleague rather than having to put her on the spot in a meeting in front of everyone.

@IIIustriousIyIllogical

That's the whole point of rank, the ones above tell the ones below what to do.

Except OP isn't above her colleague in rank at all.

If OP had had a word on her own it could just as easily be construed as "bullying" by the more histrionic amongst us. Also it could have been seen only in the context of its impact only on the OP. Staff meeting is perfect forum for things that affect the whole team/organisation.

@Dad - do you dispute that name-changing is only a thing because of patriarchal tradition?

You're funny @IIIustriousIyIllogical

I know that name-changing at marriage has its origins in patriarchal tradition. But it's laughable to suggest that most women choose to do it these days because they are compelled by patriarchal expectations, and even more implausible to think this doctor will somehow be relieved that she is being forced not to adopt her husband's name because the management at her workplace have ordered it!

The workplace seems to be doing the work of the patriarchy in telling a woman what name she should use...

@IllustriouslyIllogical Actually I work in HR and, if we worked in the same place, she would have been called into my office to explain why she is treating her colleague in such an unwelcoming, entitled and bullyish manner. "If I say she can't then she can't"!!!! In whose planet?
And you sound as horrible as her btw.

@Pinguforpresident Oh I see 😮 It's easy to miss or misread bits when you are on a tiny screen after 2.5 hours' sleep with a sick toddler - but thank you for clarifying. Still, plenty of good suggestions from (more awake) posters..X

@UserV thank you for sticking up for me. 💐💐 xx