Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry about my friends social media behaviour when he is mentally ill?

87 replies

robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 18:45

My friend has bipolar 1.
The issue is that I do not have any experience of any one else with this so I dont know what behaviour is down to his illness and what behaviour i should hold him responsible for?

I keep telling myself he is ill but its getting really stressful.
He wont really engage with mental health services despite people telling him to. He has been sectioned twice this year so far but managed to get released somehow... supposedly to be treated in the community but he doesnt seem to engage with this at all...
Anyone that offers him any reasonable advice he completely turns on.

Its on social media that this is becoming an issue for me as he posts constantly during the night and day on things like twitter and facebook and instagram. If anyone says anything he doesnt like to him in real life he takes to these things to basically rant for hours about them.

Its really getting me down. I dont follow him but he keeps tagging me in diatribes about things... He blocks me every so often in order to rant about me or my husband... but then I get sent the screen shots by well meaning friends who are appalled by it. So theres not much escape. And the stuff he posts is just awful. Especially about my husband who had the audacity to mention to him that perhaps he should stop taking recreational drugs as that might be effecting his mental health issues..... cue 90 plus public posts about how my husband is an abusive cunt etc etc... and then I get sent all the screen shots by friends who are horrified.

I just find it really invasive and aggressive. Its making me quite anxious.
Itd be fine if people just didnt tell me about it but because he posts these things publicly someone always sees it and 'alerts' me to it.
Im not sure what to do about it?
Like I said any reasonable engagement with him is out of the question because he just turns on you unless you say exactly what he wants to hear.

I feel guilty as well because ive basically cut him dead socially as I just cannot deal with the aggression. He used to be a good friend and its so sad. He justs wont listen to anyone. Not his friends and not mental health workers.

What do I do? Am I right to just be angry? Does anyone have any experience of this illness? How much is he actually responsible for the things he says?

Thanks.

OP posts:
ichifanny · 21/05/2018 19:54

Just grey rock him , don’t give him any fodder to keep ranting about you , ignore any correspondence and he will run out of things to rant about .

TheyCanGoInTheBucket · 21/05/2018 19:55

I don't think you're being unsympathetic enough. He's harassing you. MH problems don't give you carte Blanche to behave like a massive twat and get away with it.

With the YouTube and twitter posts, can you report them and have them removed? I appreciate you'd have to sit down and digest them but if you kept at it consistently so he could see they were being removed then it might make him think twice?

I liked the PP point about googling how to block someone on fb who has blocked you. That's a great idea.

WatchingFromTheWings · 21/05/2018 19:59

He can unblock me when im asleep and send loads of stuff then re block me before I wake up and I cannot reply or do anything about it

Facebooks t&c's state that if you unblock someone you have previously blocked, you cannot re-block them for 48hrs, so not sure how he is managing that. Unless he is unblocking you, waiting 47hrs, posting and tagging you then re-blocking you. You may not know he is unblocking you if he lies low I suppose.

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 20:01

theycangointhebucket I dont really know about how to report those things as I dont have twitter or a youtube account? I can see the posts but cant reply or do anything? I do know some other people with twitter have reported them.

ichifanny I have been not responding to him. I havent spoken to him in a couple of months. And even before that it was basic cold politeness only, for some time. The diatribes he goes on centre around people not talking to him or people whove told him things he hasnt wanted to hear. He says lots of emotive stuff about having been abandoned but then goes on to be abusive so its no wonder people arent speaking to him!

that is a good idea to try messenger re the blocking! I will look at that!

OP posts:
scrumples · 21/05/2018 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 20:03

watchingfromthewings i didnt know that? Yeah I dont follow him, I dont look at his page and he doesnt appear in my newsfeed even when im not blocked.... because even when hes not being abusive he posts literally hundreds of posts a day. So it must be that im just not spotting it when im unblocked.

I know im currently blocked because I checked today as someone had sent me a load of screen shots this morning.

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 21/05/2018 20:04

Sounds like he is not complying with his Community Treatment Order (CTO) - given your report that he has recently twice been sectioned. It is reasonable for you to report his harassment to police &/or local community MH outreach. If you don’t have the MH team contact number, the local police certainly will.

Your friend is ill enough to have been sectioned twice recently &, although out of a hospital environment, is still seriously mentally ill enough to need treatment under order. He’s possibly not following his CTO, either due to lack of insight or capacity for self-care. Raising awareness about his behaviours & actions to the relevant clinical teams is to help him as the CTO (& meds) can be reviewed.

LeChatDeNuit · 21/05/2018 20:05

It sounds like he’s manic and psychotic. What’s his family situation? Is there any way mutual friends could band together and contact his mental health team? It sounds like he needs to be in hospital.

Gacapa · 21/05/2018 20:06

You can block people who have already blocked you. I did it a few weeks ago. Instructions in link. It works.

www.facebook.com/help/community/question/?id=1668013366818181

repairandprotect · 21/05/2018 20:10

Report it to the police and ask them to contact his mental health team. They need to know.

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 20:11

lechat he lives a long way from his family and I dont know them at all. I do know his fiancee and she is listed as his nearest relative. She does speak to me and I know things are very hard for her.... I dont want to burden her further with talking about this too her as honestly I think she needs to get away from him. Last time I spoke to her she was telling me that he had refused any information being passed to her? So she is kept pretty much in the dark about what is going on with him.

I think I will try and report it to the local mental health service... its really hard for anyone to get details of who is actually supposed to be dealing with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 20:12

thankyou gacapa ill check that out!

OP posts:
scrumples · 21/05/2018 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UniversalAunt · 21/05/2018 20:16

OP, please take the energy you are using to ‘work round his behaviours’ into contacting the police/MH team tomorrow.

Your friend is ill & the people who are responsible for his treatment need to know what he is doing as it will be taken into account in his treatment plan. His hostility & paranoia are part of his condition. So although he may not have insight or care about what he is doing to others, he does have some responsibility however impaired or diminished that may be.

UniversalAunt · 21/05/2018 20:23

The situation you describe with his fiancée is commonplace in these situations. Being designated nearest relative & then being kept out of the loop on the grounds of patient confidentiality can be a considerable strain.

The recently published interim review of the Mental Health Act touches upon this situation.

Ideally, as his carer she should have a carer’s assessment to establish what her needs are & a support plan. Ideally.

trappedinsuburbia · 21/05/2018 20:23

OP as a mental health worker I would strongly encourage you to contact the police for your own good and for his, it is totally unacceptable to attack another person in this way, ill or not.

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 20:23

Gacapa that worked!! He showed up on the list even though he doesnt when I search for him, so I was able to block him. So thats the direct tagging problem solved thanku!!

OP posts:
KittenBeast · 21/05/2018 20:30

I know somebody like this, I feel sorry for him, but equally I just want him to fuck off. The abuse from him is just awful, no amount of anyone trying to help seems to do any good, he's absolutely vile. Are you blocked at the moment? if not, just block him.

wtf2018 · 21/05/2018 20:34

OP MH is one thing, and often people behave in ways because of their MH

But their behaviour doesn't get excused simply because of MH. It may explain it but it doesn't excuse it.

I've had to learn the hard way from an abusive relationship. I felt he couldn't help it and excused it - but that doesn't mean I wasn't being abused by him just because it was triggered by his MH issues. I shouldn't have excused it. Plenty of people with a MH diagnosis (myself included) don't go around attacking or abusing people. It's possible for people to have a MH issue and still treat others ok.

I'd make a report to someone (adult social care? Police? Whoever is advised on this thread, I don't know who)

But please don't ever think you must accept bad behaviour that affects you because of someone's MH.

UniversalAunt · 21/05/2018 20:34

A small point - a person cannot be sectioned for harassment of others. ASBO & criminal charges are appropriate for harassment.

As the MH professionals here on MN can explain, far better than I can, that the criteria for detention under the MH Act are clearly defined & stringently reviewed.

OP’s pal is clearly very ill & his behaviours are a symptom of his poor condition.

Gingercatlover · 21/05/2018 20:51

You can still block him whilst he has you blocked, I have just tried it.
Go to privacy and settings - settings - blocking. Type in the name it will still come up even though you are blocked, hit block, job done Smile

SweetCheeks1980 · 21/05/2018 20:56

Erm it's just nonsense on Facebook. Don't stress over it, and when friends send you screen shots just reply with " yeah I've seen it but he's a fruitloop, take no notice of his rantings" and then block him if you get the chance.
It's literally just FB - no biggie.

Youcouldbemysilversprings · 21/05/2018 21:03

Don't l ow if someone has suggested this OP but you can change your settings on fb which means he can't tag you without your approval. He sounds quite dangerous, I'd be ending the friendship and distancing myself from him completely. I have a lot of friends with severe mental illnesses and have never seen them do anything like this.

Gingercatlover · 21/05/2018 21:04

Sorry just seen you have already blocked them Smile

wtf2018 · 21/05/2018 21:06

Nonsense on Facebook can still ruin lives though (depending on what's alledged) and is incredibly stressful if all your friends and family are being subjected to reading it

Swipe left for the next trending thread