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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry about my friends social media behaviour when he is mentally ill?

87 replies

robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 18:45

My friend has bipolar 1.
The issue is that I do not have any experience of any one else with this so I dont know what behaviour is down to his illness and what behaviour i should hold him responsible for?

I keep telling myself he is ill but its getting really stressful.
He wont really engage with mental health services despite people telling him to. He has been sectioned twice this year so far but managed to get released somehow... supposedly to be treated in the community but he doesnt seem to engage with this at all...
Anyone that offers him any reasonable advice he completely turns on.

Its on social media that this is becoming an issue for me as he posts constantly during the night and day on things like twitter and facebook and instagram. If anyone says anything he doesnt like to him in real life he takes to these things to basically rant for hours about them.

Its really getting me down. I dont follow him but he keeps tagging me in diatribes about things... He blocks me every so often in order to rant about me or my husband... but then I get sent the screen shots by well meaning friends who are appalled by it. So theres not much escape. And the stuff he posts is just awful. Especially about my husband who had the audacity to mention to him that perhaps he should stop taking recreational drugs as that might be effecting his mental health issues..... cue 90 plus public posts about how my husband is an abusive cunt etc etc... and then I get sent all the screen shots by friends who are horrified.

I just find it really invasive and aggressive. Its making me quite anxious.
Itd be fine if people just didnt tell me about it but because he posts these things publicly someone always sees it and 'alerts' me to it.
Im not sure what to do about it?
Like I said any reasonable engagement with him is out of the question because he just turns on you unless you say exactly what he wants to hear.

I feel guilty as well because ive basically cut him dead socially as I just cannot deal with the aggression. He used to be a good friend and its so sad. He justs wont listen to anyone. Not his friends and not mental health workers.

What do I do? Am I right to just be angry? Does anyone have any experience of this illness? How much is he actually responsible for the things he says?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 21/05/2018 19:28

I think it's harrassment and either the police or Facebook/Twitter can deal with that. Maybe try the police in the first instance, then he is on their radar. If he continues then they can see the sort of things he is posting and might be able to get him the help he obviously needs.

RavenWings · 21/05/2018 19:28

And I agree with telling your mates you don't want to know what he says. Don't feed into the drama of it.

category12 · 21/05/2018 19:28

It's possible you could get a lawyer involved regarding defamation of character. He's ill, but he can't go about lying about people on the internet. Might be worth seeing a solicitor to see if they could send a letter telling him to stop.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 21/05/2018 19:29

Can you still be tagged if you unfriend him?

Personally I’d email anyone who emails you and tell them ‘this is normal Behaviour for him and you’re ignoring things’

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/05/2018 19:30

It’s crossed a line now and I would cut all responsibility and block him in every single way you can
Then make it clear to friends that you do NOT want the screenshots or feedback

Have a clean break and evaluate how much better you feel after another month
When someone’s MH affects your own MH it’s time to make a clean break

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 19:30

sprinklesinmyelbow he uses my full name which is a pretty unique name. People know who it is if they know me. He cannot tag me when Im blocked anyway.. its just he sometimes does this in the night when he unblocks just so I get notified.
He can and does tag other people who know us in order to get more attention to whatever it is hes saying at that point.

scrumples Id feel very guilty about doing that to someone who is ill. And in some ways I think that would make it worse and feed into his whole 'Its me against the world/everyone is out to get me because they dont understand' attitude.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/05/2018 19:33

How can be tag you if you are not friends ? I can only tag friends ?

Also why don’t you want to tell people to not tell you ? Surely it’s only 20- 30 people

I don’t know OP there are things you can easily do to alleviate this and you don’t seem to want to Confused

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 19:34

I have been saying to people who have sent me screenshots that hes just ill and id rather not know. And they have not sent me any more but then someone else does!

Its just a stressful mess. I think its extra stressful because its also sad to see him disintegrate like this.

Thanks to you all for letting me know that im not being unreasonable to be upset by this and that even though hes ill I am justified in my reaction to it.

OP posts:
jedenfalls · 21/05/2018 19:35

Well it is either take some action that he might not like, or put up with it instilled he implodes or decides to stop.

There isn’t a magic word that will get him to stop so unfortunately you are going to have to play hardball.

I’d go with a new locked down social media account for starters. Yes it will upset him, but he isn’t rational. And it isn’t about him. It IS him against the world if he chooses to keep lying about people.

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 19:35

I do not want people to tell me but we are not talking about 20-30 people. These are public posts on a variety of social media platforms... literally anyone can look at them, all it takes is someone to send it to someone else whos then concerned and sends it to me for me to 'deal with'
Ive had screenshots sent to me by people I used to work with years ago for instance!

OP posts:
TresDesolee · 21/05/2018 19:37

From my own experience I really doubt a solicitor’s letter would have any positive effect. It sounds as though he’s deep in paranoia and delusional thinking. If anything it would probably rile him up more.

It is against the law to harass or stalk someone via social media - have a look at this link: www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/social-media-guidelines-prosecuting-cases-involving-communications-sent-social-media

I think your best bet is to write to twitter, Facebook, YouTube etc citing the law, explain your friend is unwell and ask them to cooperate by blocking him from your feeds. Use the phrase ‘notice of malicious communications’ in your subject line.

TresDesolee · 21/05/2018 19:39

Sadly, I don’t think there’s much you can do about people in your RL passing it on to you. The only possible solution to that would be to get him prosecuted, which would be quite nuclear.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/05/2018 19:40

Are they sending stuff because they are worried or because he is defaming you ?

Look not everyone with MH issues behaves like this . He’s a horrible man and MH is not an excuse

I know many people with MH who manage to not defame and insult people

You are giving him a bit of an easy ride

Either cut or create a library of the abuse and report him

But don’t allow him to abuse you just because he is ‘ill’ Flowers

TheNoseyProject · 21/05/2018 19:41

With FB you could deactivate your account. All this does is make you invisible. It activates again the moment you log back in. I suggest this because I assume you’re not on FB 24/7 so you could deactivate for, say, 4 or 5 days during which he’s likely to unblock you and find you not there to be tagged. My theory, may be rubbish, is that this will provide you with a few days respite from ‘what will I wake up to’ worries and also he will think you’re not there.

I don’t know what this looks like from his POV on FB. Ideally he’ll be able to unblock you but then won’t be able to access your deactivated page to reboock you. This would mean as soon as you log on you can block him straight off.

I don’t think this’ll fix everything but it at least gives you some respite from the nonsense he sends.

It sound very hard. It is harassment but you’re the best judge of whether it’s worth involving the police or getting a lawyer to write a desist letter.

Sorry you’re going through this it sounds so stressful.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 21/05/2018 19:41

I don’t think you’ll have much like trying to get someone who is clearly mentally ill prosecuted. Has this been going on long?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 21/05/2018 19:41

Much luck

Furano · 21/05/2018 19:45

Can you report to FB and get him blocked since you can't do it yourself?

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 21/05/2018 19:47

You can block people who've blocked you. Have a quick Google. Not as straightforward as if they hadn't blocked you of course.

For the other people, just have a stock reply ready for them so you don't have to engage.

chavtasticfirebanger · 21/05/2018 19:47

The thing is whilst he has a severe mental illness, he needs to learn to take responsibility for being unwell. Bipolar is manageable with meds, therapy, and good behaviours like exercise, diet and sleep. Nobody pays the debts of bipolar people who have gone through manic phases, or deals with the aftermath of lots of unprotected sex. He needs to realise how he is behaving when ill and not use mental illness as an excuse. He will only do this when ready but you don't have to put up with it because he's 'ill'.

Original poster
robotcartrainhat · 21/05/2018 19:48

tresdesolee yeah I know its just a bad situation that isnt going to get better until he actually gets better. I just wanted to talk about it because its hard feeling guilty and sad for him but also furious and invaded at the same time.
Theres nothing I can really do... I can get him blocked so he cant directly tag me either by asking facebook or just waiting up late till he unblocks me on several nights... im sure I can eventually catch it when im unblocked.

But that wont actually stop it. Hes still going to use my name.
Its just the horrible feeling of knowing theres loads of youtube videos calling you a whore and loads of tweets containing similar, which are all completely public and could be seen by anyone.... my family, work colleagues.... Im not the only person he targets he does this to about ten people at the moment.

I certainly dont want to get the police involved as really it will just escalate things.

I guess I just posted because it was getting me down and I wanted to talk about it! And see if my reaction was normal or too unsympathetic.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 21/05/2018 19:53

He can unblock me when im asleep and send loads of stuff then re block me before I wake up and I cannot reply or do anything about it.

On Facebook you can't re-block someone within 24 hours.

I'd end this 'friendship' op. Delete & block him on all forms of social media and block his telephone number. End contact completely, he'll soon get bored of posting about you.

kaytee87 · 21/05/2018 19:54

And consider reporting him to the police.

MarthaArthur · 21/05/2018 19:54

Op do you have messenger? I managed to block someone who blocked me in messenger. We had a previous conversation on there that remained so i went to his photo and right clicked it came up with block so i did.

TresDesolee · 21/05/2018 19:54

It is really hard. There aren’t any good answers - I mean there are little things you can do to ameliorate the impact on you.

But the big thing - that he’s so ill and won’t seek treatment - is just horrible and there’s nothing you can do about it. As is the fact that he’s calling you shitty names all over the place. It just sucks. For what it’s worth you sound like a good friend who’s done her utmost to support him. Sorry this is happening to you Flowers

ArcheryAnnie · 21/05/2018 19:54

If someone is being targetted for harrassment, whatever the source of that harrassment, it's not fair or just to expect the person being harrassed to be the one to withdraw from public spaces, whether those spaces are offline or online.

YANBY, OP.