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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who ignore one day and say hi the next

57 replies

Notmorewashing · 18/05/2018 20:45

Why do people do this and how do you react ? I feel so uncomfortable as I never know what approach to take with them!! Mostly neighbours or people you used to work with/be closer to who live in the same area.

OP posts:
NellMangel · 18/05/2018 20:47

I guess it depends on what kind of day they are having - don't take it personally.

Just say Hi if you feel like it instead of trying to read them.

captainproton · 18/05/2018 20:48

I just think that they are busy, and don’t have time to talk. Don’t take it to heart.

BertieBotts · 18/05/2018 20:48

Maybe they are bad with faces and didn't recognise you the first time?

Maybe they were just in their own little world and not really noticing who was walking past them. ie they probably didn't notice you.

Dontsayyouloveme · 18/05/2018 20:49

I’m like this and it’s usually to do with my depression/anxiety.

4GreenApples · 18/05/2018 20:50

Are you sure they’ve seen you?

I mean, sometimes I have days where I have a lot on my mind, and I can be so lost in thought that I don’t notice people I know until they’re literally right in my face.

Could something like that be going on?

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 18/05/2018 20:51

It’s possible that I do this sometimes if I’m busy, having a bad morning or haven’t noticed someone until they’ve turned around sometimes seeing someone out of context throws me too. I’d hate to upset anyone though.

4GreenApples · 18/05/2018 20:53

Maybe they are bad with faces and didn't recognise you the first time?

And this. If I see someone out of context, it can be hard to place them and be sure whether I know them, or whether they’re a stranger with a passing resemblance to an acquaintance.

Kokapetl · 18/05/2018 20:54

I probably do this a fair bit because:
-I have a very bad memory for faces
-my eyesight is not perfect
-if I am with the kids I am usually concentrating on making sure they don't run or fall into the road while also chatting to them so I am not watching out for people I know.
-if I am not with the kids I am often lost in thought and not watching out for people I know.

You should probably just say Hi if you feel like it and not if you don't and not worry about it. It's probably not deliberate and even if it is, it doesn't sound like these are people who are very important in your life.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/05/2018 20:54

I am awful with faces, a couple of times I have embarassed myself and said hi to the wrong people, unless I am abso,utely sure, I dint say hi. If somebody greets me though, I say hi, even if I don't know them.

BevBrook · 18/05/2018 20:55

I do this. All the time. Especially neighbours, people I used to work with, school gate mums...I find it very very hard to recognise people out of context. That is why.

trilbydoll · 18/05/2018 20:59

I am often in a world of my own and also very bad at recognising people out of context. I have been known to ignore my work colleagues but effusively greet a lady who works in Specsavers Blush

Echobelly · 18/05/2018 21:04

I don't take it personally... sometimes people just have something on their mind, sometimes they're mid conversation with someone else, sometimes they're in a bad mood and don't want to say 'Hi' to anyone, or maybe only their closest mates.

I think it always pays to assume the best (ie, it's nothing personal) rather than that they have something against you. Nothing bad is likely to happen if you think the former, you might end up with uneccessary argy-bargy if you think the latter (eg 'Oh she ignored me, WELL, I'm going to ignore her, snobby cow!' won't help anyone)

Battleax · 18/05/2018 21:05

Oh dear, I wonder if I accidentally do this. Sometimes I have my contacts in and sometimes I don’t.

Original poster
Notmorewashing · 18/05/2018 21:09

It it’s by mistake then totally fine. If its just us opposite each other only I find it bazzar to ignore & then be chatting another day

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 18/05/2018 21:11

Yep, did it today. I'm more or less completely face blind, and go mostly by voice (have failed to recognise my own son on occasion Blush)

ArtBrut · 18/05/2018 21:16

I had this with two people I knew a Little because we had children in the same class and live in a collage. One, who blanked me entirely after we’d had a nice conversation in the playground, turns out to have very poor eyesight — can’t drive on medical grounds — so doesn’t recognise faces, and the other, whose daughter has become friends with my son, turns out to have been having a hard time — signed off with work stress etc — and can sometimes cope with people and other times not.

In neither case was it a personal slight.

ArtBrut · 18/05/2018 21:16

Live in a VILLAGE.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 18/05/2018 21:17

They're fickle.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 18/05/2018 21:23

A friend of mine did this and it turned out that if she didn't have glasses on she didn't recognise people. (And she would purposely leave them off if she wanted to walk and think - most of the time.)

wontbedoingthat · 18/05/2018 21:26

I'm afraid to say I do this to people. I find chatting incredible difficult and sometimes it is just too difficult to make the eye contact and possibly get drawn into a conversation. One day we could've been talking but another day I don't have the strength. I know and think about it when I'm doing it but I can't help it. I don't dislike people I know, the opposite in fact which is some of the reason I don't want to engage - I feel like a total dick when I open my mouth and would rather not highlight my crap social skills!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 18/05/2018 21:29

Haven’t a clue if I do this or not but it is not beyond the bounds of possibility!

Am quite face blind so struggle if people change their hair or clothes.

Viago · 18/05/2018 21:34

If you can, keep saying hello. I do this to people, it's not intentional but sometimes I just cannot face people because of depression/anxiety, same as a pp.

TroubledLichen · 18/05/2018 21:37

DH does this- he wears glasses but the eye doctor advises against wearing them all the time, something to do with his eyes getting lazy... but if he doesn’t have them on he doesn’t even recognise me unless I’m quite close. Think me waving like a mad woman from the end of the supermarket aisle whilst he stares blankly then walks in the other direction.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 18/05/2018 21:40

I have a village mum friend who is like this. I say hi when she does!

But then I realised I do it too. If my anxiety is making me feel worried about social acceptance then I refrain.

I suppose depressions nd anxiety can make you like that which makes me think about my village mum friend as she is often insecure and needs lots of friends round her.

She says she doens’t want to lose my friendship and said she would make more effort but so far she hasn’t - but neither have I! Anxiety sucks!

letmepeeinpeace · 18/05/2018 21:44

One day, I was chatting to a mum I had never spoken to before on the playground. She seemed lovely and we spoke for about 30 minutes. The next day she completely ignored me! I just thought 'how rude'. The next time I saw her she said hello! Very confusing. Anyway, fast forward a few weeks I learnt she was an identical twin!! 😂

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