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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this woman odd or am I just rude?

100 replies

Overanddonewith · 18/05/2018 19:15

An email that was sent to me saying I was a rude person. Just for context this is regarding having a consultation for a skin treatment. In my original email I said hi etc, but in the email chain I just kept the questions short and didn’t say “hi, good day etc” because to me emails are not formal

Not saying hello ,hi and good day when you starting you letter not good at all.If you visited me before, you've noticed,that I am older than you and you should keep it in your mind, when you have a conversation with person older than you,by polite respect way,even you do not like something.

OP posts:
GorgonLondon · 18/05/2018 19:56

I have never in my entire life encountered a doctor who would write something like that.

JustDanceAddict · 18/05/2018 19:57

Weird! At work I start formally but if we’re having a ‘conversation’ I drop the dear Mrs x, etc.

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 19:57

I also prefer this because it saves me time writing things and saves the recipient from reading what's basically flim flam. It may be only a few seconds, but it's a few seconds every day over hundreds of emails. It adds up.

I think it's quite sad when basic courtesy gets reduced to seconds and evaluated on the basis of how much time it saves the speaker not to show it. Confused

Birdshitbridgegotme · 18/05/2018 19:59

I would email her back and say as SHE WAS RUDE to a potential client, I will not be getting said treatment with her. Thats not the way to get business. She's clearly unhinged!

DanglyEarOrnaments · 18/05/2018 19:59

Once initial contact has been made with our clients, if they then initiate a more informal chat as you did, we will often just chit chat about the topic if they like to, as we like to have that warm relationship with them.

They are the customer we follow their lead of writing style.

Very rude of her. If she would like your business and value you as a client she should be polite to you or you can easily find someone more easy to deal with and take your money there instead.

NotTheFordType · 18/05/2018 20:01

Is she Chinese? I have adapted to using a very different style of communication to customers in China. However, that's for customers based in China, so it's "when in Rome" for me, even doing business on the internet.

If she is based in the UK then she needs to adapt her expectations about communication style to the norm over here.

Were you referred via NHS or is this for private treatment? If NHS I'd be forwarding her email to the relevant place.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2018 20:05

Yabu, I run a business and find it really rude when people just fire questions at me. It seems disrespectful, they want my service, but can't be bothered to address me properly. Their time is more important etc etc. Rude.

JohnHunter · 18/05/2018 20:07

She is clearly quite odd. It doesn't sound as if your emails were impolite and - even if they were - her response was even more so. I would probably leave an appropriate review online and then find a different specialist.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 18/05/2018 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2018 20:09

Also, I wouldn't send a response like she did, but I would probably send a 'I'm sorry, I'm fully booked, I'll add you to my waiting list.' But that only works if you have a waiting list longer than your arm.

fullponty · 18/05/2018 20:13

She's unhinged. Emails are informal and even if she did (wrongly imo) find your replies rude, it's very unprofessional of her to berate you for it.

I would be telling her that I'll be taking my business elsewhere due to her rudeness and given her poor command of the English language she's a fine one to criticise how you've written.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/05/2018 20:14

she bonkers, an email chain is a conversation, even in the most corporate set up you don't repeat greetings throughout, who has time for that.

If you go back to someone after a few days, then yes, you start again with Hi... whatever, but not when you are in the middle of a conversation.

As a customer, I find it incredibly patronising and irritating if someone starts every single email from a chain with " thank you for... I understand that...".

Calling a customer on their manners on such a petty details is the rudest thing of all!

mummabeargrr · 18/05/2018 20:17

I always start formally, but am lead by their response, if they drop the hi /hello so do I. I always sign off
Kind Regard
Mummabeargrr surname
But drop the surname if I know them

MedSchoolRat · 18/05/2018 20:18

I am PhD doctor and work with medical doctors.
I moaned about one for not ever reading his emails (this delayed my own work by weeks, literally, never reads his emails, everyone but me knew).
He got very annoyed in response to my moan.
"Oh my god don't you understand these people!?" gasped a colleague, also not a non-medical doctor, "You have to stoke their big egos to get anything out of them!"

Colleague was right, I've had similar experiences with the other medical doctor colleagues (not all by any means). It''s how I read OP's experience. I would try hard to find another medical doctor if I were OP. I can't be arsed with the big egos.

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 20:19

even in the most corporate set up you don't repeat greetings throughout, who has time for that.

But it isn't like a corporate setting, where everything is driven by time = money and senior people get to be rude to junior people, clients get to be rude to service providers etc. This isn't a situation like that, and obviously the woman didn't appreciate the OP's style.

slowlywiltingpetal · 18/05/2018 20:23

I'd find a new Dr.

I always sign off with something like wishing you all the best, I look forward to hearing from you soon. I was taught decades ago to use 'kind regards' if informal via fax etc. But now I usually put best wishes.

I emailed a consultant last year I think it was, but I was emailing the secretary, so I think I put 'Hello there,' but say it was I don't know really important I would put Dear Mr. Surname.

The consultant actually wrote back to me and was really informal and honest, for saying she was doing private work, she said she didn't think she could really help. Which I appreciated.

I grew up with the respect your elders malarkey, I couldn't imagine the younger generation giving it much thought.

RadioGaGoo · 18/05/2018 20:23

It's not just corporate settings. I've emails from public services and from school officials where I have not been greeted on every email in the chain.

Gabilan · 18/05/2018 20:23

I think it's quite sad when basic courtesy gets reduced to seconds and evaluated on the basis of how much time it saves the speaker not to show it

It's a different idea of what counts as courtesy Pengggwn (and note I'm considering the reader in this too, but you've handily ignored that). I take time to error check messages. I would never send out anything as poorly phrased as the response the OP got for example. I check people's names and their preferred titles. But if I'm writing my 6th email to them in the space of half an hour, it becomes a back and forth conversation, much like text messaging or PMing via social media. At that point the polite code is actually not to keep saying "hi, have a nice day, best wishes" which actually start to sound rather empty and insincere after a point.

AnaViaSalamanca · 18/05/2018 20:25

she clearly has issues. But very funny my old GP was like this too, I wonder if it's the same person or there are too many rude people around!!

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 20:25

Gabilan

Well, yes, there are nuances, of course.

However, to say you don't add social niceties because you think it is a waste of your time and theirs, regardless of whether they use 'Dear' or 'Hi' or a sign-off, is very one-sided and comes across like you only care about your 'wasted' time, and I think that's quite rude.

RadioGaGoo · 18/05/2018 20:26

I wouldn't equate not greeting someone in an email chain in each message with not having respect for elders.

fullponty · 18/05/2018 20:26

At that point the polite code is actually not to keep saying "hi, have a nice day, best wishes" which actually start to sound rather empty and insincere after a point.

Absolutely agree with this. By dropping the hi and best wishes you are actually appearing more engaged in the conversation imo.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/05/2018 20:28

But it isn't like a corporate setting, where everything is driven by time = money and senior people get to be rude to junior people, clients get to be rude to service providers etc.

you have a funny idea of what the corporate world is! In real life, it's nothing like that I assure you. Not everything is as you see on tv.

Gabilan · 18/05/2018 20:30

However, to say you don't add social niceties because you think it is a waste of your time and theirs, regardless of whether they use 'Dear' or 'Hi' or a sign-off, is very one-sided and comes across like you only care about your 'wasted' time, and I think that's quite rude.

You've just made up the second part of that. I've never said anywhere that I disregard how they are addressing me. In fact Pengggwyn, wilful misinterpretation on its own can start to look far more discourteous than informal, chatty emails.

Pengggwn · 18/05/2018 20:32

Gabilan

Fair enough. In this case, then, I would say it sounds like the OP was disregarding the way the other person was writing, or it is very unlikely she would have been pulled up on it. As I said, in some contexts your means of communication would work fine. In others, less so.