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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want her to go?

140 replies

yoshismother · 18/05/2018 18:01

My 5 year old has been invited on a school trip in the last week of term to a zoo over an hour away. Am I being unreasonable not to want her to go this far to a crowded place (in schools week?

I'd rather she stayed behind and maybe did some transition stuff for year 1.

OP posts:
sm40 · 18/05/2018 19:42

I've been a parent helper on a school trip to the zoo. Mentally exhausting as you spend the whole time counting to 3 to make sure I didn't lose one. I hardly go with the aim of hurting/loosing one/one finding its way to the lion enclosure.

Allthebestnamesareused · 18/05/2018 19:46

Generally on a school trip parent helpers are not allocated their own child.

I suspect that may be why you were not asked as you woukd focus on your own pfb rather than help

BitchQueen90 · 18/05/2018 19:46

Of course YABU and I'm actually quite a precious parent when it comes to stuff like this - I never let anyone other than family members look after DS. He's going on his Reception school trip next month and I know he'll have a great time.

insomuchpain · 18/05/2018 19:46

Don't let people call you ridiculous and pathetic. They clearly don't suffer the way some people do with anxiety.

I dread these school trips, honestly I think I'd book the day of work and go myself and follow her around in disguise haha. I know it will be hard but honestly it's the best thing for her. You can buy her a tracker where you can speak to her on it. Have a look on amazon.

Don't feel bad about your feelings op some people on here can be absolute dickheads and don't realise there is someone on the other end of the messages their receiving. It's hard and it will properly cripple you all day but it's the best thing to do for you r daughter.

This will be me in a couple of years and some of these responses would sting.

But I want you to no there are other people who have feelings like you and it's okay. It's not like we live in a perfect world. But there's always a way around it.

Shame on all you other posters aswell, well done.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 18/05/2018 19:46

Of course YABU! You can't let your daughter miss out on exciting life opportunities because of your own anxieties.

If you do you will have to deal from some serious resentment from her when she's more grown up.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/05/2018 19:48

You can buy her a tracker where you can speak to her on it. Have a look on amazon.

This will not be allowed at all.

insomuchpain · 18/05/2018 19:49

Yes it will you can can track your child if you want

Luisa27 · 18/05/2018 19:50

It’s interesting to read all the differing opinions - but some posters are quite aggressive and actually really mean.
Never ceases to surprise me

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/05/2018 19:51

You may be able to track them, but on a school trip you will not be able to talk to them.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2018 19:51

That's nice of so many parents to give you their time they help. Have you thanked them?

TammySwansonTwo · 18/05/2018 19:52

I think people are being really unkind to you here - you’re obviously struggling with anxiety (which I understand because I do too - I have twins who are at the stage where they can run in opposite directions and yet don’t understand instructions and I barely ever take them outside on my own as it’s terrifying). I’ve also suffered child abuse and that makes me extremely wary of letting strangers take care of my children (even though i know it’s more likely to be a known person or family member as it was with me).

I think you should have a chat with the teacher if they’re approachable and explain how anxious you’re feeling. Maybe ask if you can go along, and if they can’t fit you on the coach, maybe you could go along separately. I feel I may well need to do things like that when mine are at that age.

The important thing is that you recognise that this is your anxiety talking and not let it rule your life, or your daughter’s life. She needs to be able to do things like this.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 18/05/2018 19:55

If it helps, at my kids school parent helpers have to have a DBS.

With so many adults going everyone will be accounted for at all times and your DD will have a fab time with her friends; coming home with lots of exciting stories to tell you about how she saw an elephant do a big poo!

TheFirstMrsDV · 18/05/2018 19:55

They clearly don't suffer the way some people do with anxiety

I had PTSD for 10 years.
I didn't keep my kids off school trips.
Because I wasn't going to ruin their lives because of my condition
Its hard but the OP is trying to justify her unreasonable behaviour rather than recognise it for what it is.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 18/05/2018 19:57

yes YABU. the school will have planned this far more carefully than I have ever planned taking my own children anywhere. Generally parent helpers are not grouped with their own children, so that they don't favour them and so their children can experience the trip without mum/dad, there will be a member of staff in each group, no one who is not staff will be allowed to be on their own with any child. The children will be watched like hawks and will have a wonderful time.

They will also be talking about it for days before and after and children who don't go will feel left out. There will be no transition stuff for year 1 going on while the majority of the class are on a trip, children who don't go will normally be left with a TA and be given pointless tasks to keep them busy and keep their minds off the rest of the class being off somewhere exciting.

PlumsGalore · 18/05/2018 19:59

Wait until she's 18 and going travelling around the world on her own, now that will give you anxiety! Small steps I say....

Everexpandingwaistline · 18/05/2018 20:03

Are you receiving professional help for your anxiety? I think you should consider therapy to help you manage your anxieties. There will be more situations that will require you to be separated from your dd. You need to manage your anxieties otherwise it'll rub off on your dd, you'll ruin her life before it's even started properly. I say this as being the daughter of an extremely anxious mother and it's been a burden my whole life.

pointythings · 18/05/2018 20:04

I think you need to look at why you are so worried about this and maybe look into some self-help for your feelings of anxiety. Otherwise your DD is going to miss out on a lot of life, and you are going to spend many years in a state of increased tension, and all of that can be avoided. In the nicest possible way, you need to get a grip.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/05/2018 20:04

I feel I may well need to do things like that when mine are at that age.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but parents with anxiety do not always make very good helpers. A parent helper needs to be happy and confident with a few children, and let them get on and do things the rest of the class are doing. Occasionally they may need to offer kids some encouragement and reassurance (on one zoo trip the kids got to hold giant cockroaches) an anxious or nervous parent can't always do that.

Rudgie47 · 18/05/2018 20:07

I wouldnt want my child to go because I personally dont agree with Zoos.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2018 20:13

@sweeneytoddsrazor at our school, if they've had more requests than the need for parent help, they choose the parents that are actually going to help, rather than just follow their own dc around.
(And they know which ones it'll be!)

passmetheloppers · 18/05/2018 20:22

So, OP - if you were one of the volunteers going on the trip and had been allocated three children, would you just spend the whole day looking after your own dc and ignore the other two....... or would you take your responsibility seriously?

Willow2017 · 18/05/2018 20:25

Well the parent helpers have already been chosen. There are 20 of them who will primarily be looking out for their own children in my opinion and I doubt will be dbs checked either. There's 3 kids to an adult, butt they aren't all trained staff are they...which would be better on a trip like this. They are just regular people.

Someone sounds pissed off and bitter they arent one of the 'chosen ones'.
All the helpers will be looking out for the kids. They will have set kids each. Teachers have overall responsibility and will be checking numbers regularly. All adults will be aware of what their responsibility is, where they are going, emergency procedures etc.

Stop making excuses to spoil your dds day cos you arent going.
Of course they dont need 20 trained staff on a trip!

Greenglassteacup · 18/05/2018 20:25

Don’t let your anxiety have an impact on your child’s school trip. All of their friends will be going & they’ll have a brilliant day.

Figgygal · 18/05/2018 20:26

They run the same trips every year I'm sure they know what they're doing

Let her go

DistanceCall · 18/05/2018 20:27

You're being obsessive and keeping your child wrapped in cottonwool.

Get over yourself and allow your child to enjoy herself with the other children.

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